So Cruel
by Demosthenes91
Summary: Fate up against your will. It’s the late 80s and Bella Swan must learn to live with her undying devotion to the popular Edward Cullen, who will never see her as anything more than a friend. AU/AH
1. So Cruel

**Originally written for the NaughtyHeels Anonymous One-Shot Contest - I Love 80s' Music: **Placed third...w00t!!! This is my first Twific, and I was completely overwhelmed and humbled by the response. First draft of chapter two is completed, and should hopefully be up soon (after some beta negotiation - it's a rough month with everyone doing the NaNo). Special thanks to the ultra-fab Coquettishness - a brilliant author who pulled my ass out of the fire at the eleventh hour so I could make the deadline for this contest. If not for her, this might have never seen the (twi)light of day... yeah, I went there! *groans*

_Items of note:  
_

*This song was wildly popular with me and my friends many moons before _Donnie Darko_ was conceived.

*John Taylor is the bassist for Duran Duran and possesses the most perfectly square jaw in human existence.

* _Boys Don't Cry_ by the Cure is one of the best songs ever, with an unbelievably iconic graphic to go along with it.

*The lead singer of Echo and the Bunnymen introduced _The Killing Moon_ at KROQ's Flashback to the Future concert festival as "the greatest song ever written." He also managed to bitch about how they should be the headliners for the concert.

*The actual headliners were Duran Duran and the Cure.

**Name of Song and Artist of Inspiration Song: **The Killing Moon - Echo & the Bunnymen

**Disclaimer: **I don't own them. If I did, there'd have been no 'fade to black'.

**Summary: **Fate up against your will. It's the late 80s and Bella Swan must learn to live with her undying devotion to the popular Edward Cullen, who will never see her as anything more than a friend.

**

* * *

**

_**The Killing Moon - Echo & The Bunnymen**_

_Under blue moon I saw you  
So soon you'll take me  
Up in your arms, too late to beg you  
Or cancel it though I know it must be  
The killing time  
_

_Unwillingly mine_

_Fate up against your will  
Through the thick and thin  
He will wait until  
You give yourself to him_

_In starlit nights I saw you  
So cruelly you kissed me  
Your lips a magic world  
Your sky all hung with jewels_

_The killing moon  
Will come too soon_

_Fate up against your will  
Through the thick and thin  
He will wait until  
You give yourself to him  
_

_Under blue moon I saw you  
So soon you'll take me  
Up in your arms, too late to beg you  
Or cancel it though I know it must be  
The killing time_

_Unwillingly mine_

_Fate up against your will  
Through the thick and thin  
He will wait until  
You give yourself to him_

* * *

**So Cruel**

I'd fought against it for so long. Silly, really, considering I'd known from almost the first moment I saw Edward Cullen, that my heart belonged to him.

We'd been freshmen together. I was new to this school, to Phoenix, and he'd lived here all his life. He knew everyone, was liked by everyone, and had an almost deadly charisma. Of course, this made him wildly popular, and you'd think it would also make him equally conceited, yet, underneath it all, he was one of the nicest people I knew. Humorous, athletic, smart, and did I mention charming? Oh yeah, and ridiculously good looking?

He'd never have to worry about a getting a girlfriend. Like, ever.

We'd both belonged to the honors program, meaning that we shared a lot of the same advanced courses. But the first time I'd really noticed him was, of all places, the city bus.

We both took the same bus in the mornings. I lived on the far edge of the school district, in a small apartment complex with my mom. He was much closer to school, in the neighborhoods that resembled something out of a John Hughes movie. Immaculate lawns dotted with gardens, families with kids that had all grown up together, BMWs and Mercedes gleaming as far as the eye could see; even at fourteen, I knew enough to be both jealous and nervous of my preppy peers. The closer we got to school, the more expensively dressed the students got. As if I didn't already feel out of place, my still-in-really-good-condition secondhand outfits were steadily dwarfed by an ever-growing rainbow of Swatches, Reeboks, Izod and Polo shirts.

I was glad I had chosen to sit as far in the back as possible. I found it easiest to observe and not be observed.

With only three miles left, the bus doors opened and in he walked. The only reason I had even looked up from my worn copy of _Firestarter_ was because of the rise in volume. It seemed he had quite a number of friends that were all glad to see him, and he smiled in greeting.

It was the smile that caught me, the sheen of pink in his cheeks that drew me in further, and the easy and genuine laughter that killed me.

Wow.

I did my best to quell the sudden, giddy rush I felt in the pit of my stomach. He was just some cute guy. No big deal. In a high school as big as ours, in a city as big as Phoenix, there were bound to be dozens, if not hundreds of them. I gave a sigh and returned to my book.

Another mile down the road, a frazzled-looking woman with two small children boarded the bus. She tried to shift both of her childrens' hands into one of her own as she grabbed an overhead rail. We'd hit standing-room-only status about two stops back. Several more passengers surged past her, trying to wedge their way into the aisle.

I heard a voice above the din. "Guys, didn't your moms ever teach you any manners?"

I looked as Cute Guy stood, elbowing his buddies seated in the side-facing chairs. Then he turned that gorgeous smile on the thankful mom, graciously offering the seats.

Wow. For real!

I told myself I wasn't looking for him when we arrived at the school and the teeming masses pushed and shoved their way out. I was far too nervous about starting at a new place in the middle of the year. Thankfully, it was the beginning of second semester, so at least some of the students would have new classes, and it wouldn't be so obvious that I was the new kid.

I was grateful to be spared the embarrassing classroom introductions. I think that was reserved for smaller schools, like the one I went to back in Washington. It was easy enough to simply fade into the background here, which made me more than happy.

I'd made it early to second period honors English and took a seat in the front. English was, by far, my favorite subject, and if I wanted to participate in class discussions, at least I could do it without seeing everyone's eyes on me. The room continued to fill, and right before the bell rang, I heard _his_ laugh, unmistakable, though I'd only heard it once before. I turned around, and since everyone was still milling about, I took advantage of the opportunity to really check him out.

He was taller than I had realized, fair, but not pale, mussed hair, sparkling eyes, and wet, almost cherry-colored lips. His build and hair reminded me of John Taylor, but those lips were definitely Rob Lowe. After he put his books on the desk, he pushed up the sleeves of his worn, denim jacket. I could see the silhouette on his t-shirt. I had the same _Boys Don't Cry_ poster hanging in my room. His jeans were almost the same shade as his jacket and his bright purple Vans (which, given the whiteness of the laces, I guessed to be a Christmas gift) completed the outfit.

Cute Guy ended up in four of my six periods. With the exception of English, I had a pretty good view of him from my seat in all of my classes.

Because our school had a fairly good-sized honors program, I didn't feel like quite the outcast I had been back home. After a couple of weeks, I realized how much easier it was to make friends when you had almost all the same classes together, and shared a lot of the same interests. I could easily talk about movies, books and music with any of my peers. I could even crack some Monty Python jokes with a select few.

Edward, aka Cute Guy, turned out to be one of those few.

I'd walked into Spanish class, only to see those dreaded words scrawled across the chalkboard.

**_Examen Sorpresa!_**

"Ohmigod, seriously?" Angela choked next to me.

"You know what they say, Ang," I said, attempting my best Michael Palin voice as I jumped in front of her. "_Nobody_ expects the Spanish Inquisition!"

An embarrassingly loud laugh came from behind me, then I suddenly felt two hands grip my shoulders.

"Our chief weapon is surprise! Surprise and fear! Fear and surprise! Our two weapons are fear and surprise!" Edward's head was over my shoulder, his voice mimicking mine as we both taunted Angela.

"And ruthless efficiency. Our three weapons are fear, surprise, and ruthless efficiency!" I giggled, waving my hand with three fingers pointing at her.

"And an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope! Our four, no, amongst our weapons, amongst our weaponry, are such elements as fear, surprise..." Edward laughed even harder.

"Do you want to just come in again?" I looked at him, and he grinned at me.

"You two," Angela said, stabbing at us with her pencil, "are crazy!" She stalked off towards her desk. Edward folded his arms, a mock pout on his face.

"But, we didn't even get to the part about the red uniforms."

"Or the rack!" I smirked at him, almost giddy.

"Oh well, her loss. Good luck, _Señorita Bella!_" He bowed in flourish, grinning at me.

"_Buena suerte, Eduardo,_" I beamed. I'd never been in such a good mood before a pop quiz.

Our friendship blossomed from that point on. Our shared affection of British comedy was just the tip of the proverbial iceberg. We seemed to love a lot of the same things, and with nearly identical schedules and a shared lunch period, we found ourselves spending more and more time together. By the end of the year, we were practically best friends. I was never stupid enough to think we could be anything more than that, and I couldn't be happier.

Mostly.

I'd be lying if I said it was always easy. By sophomore year he'd begun dating in earnest. None of the girls were in our circle of friends. Nope, no honors students in that dating pool. Plenty of cheerleaders and cheerleaders from other schools, and let's not forget the pom squad. When he joined track later that year, it opened him up to the athletic girls as well.

The few girls that lasted long enough to make it to the let-me-introduce-you-to-my-friends phase all had one thing in common - their reaction to me. It was damn near identical every time and had become a private running joke between Emmett, Edward's neighbor and our third musketeer, and me.

"And this is Bella," Edward would say. The pick of the litter would first stiffen, then give me the hairy eyeball, followed by the fake smile, another poorly disguised head-to-toe inspection, then finish off with the completely smug leer.

It was a double-bonus for me if they hit the leer in under thirty seconds - it meant Emmett owed me pizza, and they'd be gone in less than a week.

Thankfully, Edward never did seem too upset whenever he'd broken up with one of them. I'd say that made me glad because I didn't want to see him hurt. Of course, it also gave me another false spark of hope that maybe, just maybe, the next time, it could be me. Maybe, he'd see me as something other than 'one of the guys.'

Crazy, right? Best friends.

Really, I'm fine with it.

Mostly.

Sophomore year, a good number of us had been drafted into the student council. For such a large school, there really didn't seem to be all that many students interested in running for office.

An executive decision had been made by the school administration to tap the honors segment, knowing that at the very least, we'd do a good job representing the school.

We certainly didn't object, knowing how good it would look on our academic records and college admissions. What university was going to look closely enough to see that you'd been appointed and not elected?

Edward had found his element. He was already popular, and with his charm, it was easy enough for him to run for junior class president the next year and win. Thankfully, no one wanted the role of class secretary, and our advisor had no problem appointing me to another term.

Junior year was both the best and worst for me.

In addition to all the excitement of student council, I still hung out with my friends, including Edward and Emmett. We'd gone over to Edward's house one day after school, which oddly, we had never done before, and I finally got to meet his sister, Alice. We seemed to hit it off immediately, and she couldn't stop telling me how excited she was to be starting high school the following year.

We became fast friends despite the age difference. I couldn't help but be amazed at how scary smart she was. I swear, it's like that kid knew everything!

And I do mean _everything_. More than once she caught me looking at Edward, then would shoot me a knowing smile that would make me beet red.

"Bella? You getting sick?"

Edward's words froze me. He happened to look over while I was locked in Alice's gaze, and I hadn't noticed. Mistaking my blush of abject horror for a sudden fever, I could only shake my head quickly.

"No. No. Just a little warm," I squeaked out. Alice collapsed into giggles, and I shot her the death glare from hell. She looked up, saw my expression, then lost it completely, snorting and wheezing. Unable to stop, I followed suit, bellowing with laughter and collapsing into her side. The embarrassment gave way to utter amusement at the ridiculousness of my situation, and it felt so good to just let go and laugh about it. Especially considering that after two years of covert longing, I'd been caught by the little eighth grader without ever having said a word.

Edward and Emmett thought we were both crazy, and gave us nearly identical looks of confusion, which only made us laugh louder.

#~#~#

It was the Wednesday before Thanksgiving vacation. Emmett and I both had chemistry together, so we'd always walk together to our lockers, hunt down Edward, then bum a ride home from him. It sucked not having a car, and while Emmett actually did have one, he and Edward almost always carpooled. Honestly, between the two of them, I'd become quite spoiled. I hadn't had to take the bus home in months.

We checked the student council room and even the track to see if he'd decided to go for a run. Track season didn't start for another couple of months, but sometimes he'd go out and run some laps just to stay conditioned.

"This sucks, Bell! Where the hell is he?"

"No idea. Think you should check the locker room? I seem to be lacking some essential equipment, otherwise I'd do that myself," I joked.

"I dunno Swan. You seem to have some impressive equipment up top," he shot back, giving me this ridiculous chest-juggling gesture to emphasize the point.

We laughed, turning the corner of the bleachers to head to the locker room, when we saw them.

Edward and one of the girls from the track team, (I couldn't remember her name) were sucking some serious face, pressed against one another at the back of the bleachers. She had her arms wrapped tightly under his letterman's jacket, and I tore my gaze away as quickly as I could before I could see where his hands were.

Emmett pulled me back around the corner, out of sight, and was snorting in a loud whisper. "Damn, I didn't know he'd taken up baseball! Whaddya think, Bell," he said, crouching down, taking another peek, "is that rounding second?" He turned back to look at me, and I could only imagine what I must have looked like, 'cause I sure as hell knew what I ifelt/i like.

I'm pretty sure I was white as a sheet. I could feel the blood drain from my face. My hands were cold, too, and I didn't know where my stomach had gone. I think it must have slid down my legs on the way to my toes, because I buckled, and fell to one knee.

It wasn't like I didn't know that Edward dated a lot. And I wasn't so stupid and naive to think that he was some sort of chaste monk. But to actually isee/i it, right in front of me...it was like taking a razor-covered fist to my gut.

"Bella!" Emmett at least had the presence of mind to keep his voice somewhat low as he rushed to help me up. I put a hand up, stopping him mid-lunge.

"Bella," he asked, and I just kept shaking my head 'no.' It was all I had in me to keep back the choking flood of tears. I'd already let Emmett see too much, and I couldn't reveal this, too. I had to get out of here, as quickly as possible, and I wouldn't be able to do it without words.

"Em, I... I'm sorry. Just give me a sec, 'k," I rasped.

"Bell," he said, helpless.

I took a deep breath, trying to get through this as quickly as possible. The sudden fear that they'd heard us, that ihe/i could be walking this way and coming around that corner at any second, was enough to light a fire under my absolutely pathetic ass.

I stood up as fast as I could, fighting the dizzying head rush that followed. I looked up at Emmett, choking out the words in a rush. "Not a word, Emmett. You have to promise me, _swear_ to me, that you'll never say a word about this, ever. _Please_," I begged, every ounce of my wretched emotional state lacing my voice.

"Bell," he tried again.

"No, Emmett. You have to _promise!_ You _have_ to!" I clutched his jacket, terrified, and I think he saw that in my eyes.

"I...I promise, Bella I swear," he whispered, his tone solemn.

"Thank you," I whispered back, and he hugged me. But I couldn't take his comfort, or I'd lose it completely.

Away. I had to get away.

I couldn't think. Somehow, I'd found my way to the bus stop, then had the presence of mind to walk to the one that preceded the school, just in case they should drive by on the way home. I was barely keeping it together as it was, and I couldn't fathom what I would do if he smiled that crooked, cherry-cheeked grin and offered me a ride.

I made it home, kicked off my shoes, and curled into a numb ball on my bed. Fisting the covers over my shoulders, I tucked my hands hard under my chin. My blurred vision fell on my poster of The Cure.

_I would say I'm sorry if I thought that it would change your mind._ The song lyrics immediately came to mind.

No, he wouldn't. And why _would_ he? It's not as if he did anything _to_ me. I'm just his friend, and we've never been anything more. I knew what I was doing these past two years. I know what I had traded, what I'd sacrificed just to be with him. I got to see a side of him that I doubt he'd ever shown to those girls. I knew he was a gentleman, but I also knew what a fragile soul he could be, so unsure of himself sometimes. So afraid that he could never be good enough to make his family proud or make it into his parent's top three picks for college. He was scared and unsure, just like the rest of us, he only knew how to hide it better.

I'd never be pretty enough, or popular enough, but dammit, I could be what he needed in a friend. I had been. I still was. And even though it ripped me up from the inside out, I was too pathetic, too needy a person to give him up.

God, I only wish I could take it back. Whatever piece of myself that I'd given to him over the years, that integral bit that spelled the difference between friendship and angst-ridden, soul-crushing love. If I could only reclaim just that one piece, this wouldn't hurt so much.

Why did it have to hurt _so_ much?

#~#~#

When mom knocked on the door, I told her I wasn't feeling well. I promised her I'd change into my pajamas, but that I was trying to sleep off whatever bug I'd caught so I could be up nice and early to help cook.

I don't know if she really believed me, but she left me to my misery, and that's all that mattered.

#~#~#

The next morning I got out of bed nice and early to help with Thanksgiving dinner. I stepped into the bathroom, turned on the shower, and made sure that I'd carefully locked away yesterday's ugliness. It was packed tightly in a locked box, resting somewhere in the gaping hole of my chest.

I could do this. I'd done it for years now.

By the time Alice had called to wish us a happy Thanksgiving, I was fine.

Mostly.

#~#~#

Visiting family kept me distracted through the weekend, and come Monday, I knew I could do this. Emmett gave me a few, worried glances in the morning, but thankfully, he never mentioned what had happened.

I'd never been more grateful in my life.

#~#~#

By the end of January, we were all geared up for the big student council state convention. As a school, we were lobbying hard to win the opportunity to host it the next year, which meant we had to show all the delegates that, indeed, we have spirit, yes we do.

This required a game plan, including matching outfits for each day, a series of songs and cheers we could shout in unison at any given moment, not to mention the rabid amount of socializing. We were encouraged to go out and mingle with as many kids as we possibly could, whoring ourselves in the name of good fun, school spirit, and bragging rights for next year.

While I had no problem planning events or even dressing up, I was still somewhat shy. I was thankful that the other delegates from our school included Emmett and Edward, of course. While I'm certain that Edward would be completely at ease using his vast charms on the throbbing mass of spirited teenagers, I at least had Emmett to talk to if I got overwhelmed.

"No worries, Bell! I'll keep you safe," he laughed, adjusting the collar on the old letterman's jacket he'd loaned me. Our group of delegates made quite a colorful bunch, matching jackets and all, clamoring into twin vans for the three hour drive north to the state convention. Emmett, mindful as always, sat between Edward and me, offering what tacit protection he could for my charade.

As a group we joked, laughed and sang stupid theme songs during the entire drive up. The advisors even seemed to get a little goofy, starting a friendly competition to race against our other van. Every few miles they'd speed up, and we'd cheer and taunt our other group as we passed them on the highway.

As we began to speed up again, Emmett climbed over, shoving me against Edward in the process. Edward wrapped an arm around me, sliding me across the bench seat and tucked me into his chest. He pulled us against the window, protecting us both from a face full of Emmett's ass. I looked up at Edward, confused, and he flashed that wicked grin at me. I couldn't stop the blush that burned my face, being this close to him and staring into his sparkling eyes.

"This is going to be worth every penny," he laughed, then nodded towards Emmett. It was difficult to look away, but when I turned my head, Edward's arms latched around my waist, pulling me tighter against him. For just a brief second, I closed my eyes, loving the feel of being this close to him. When I finally looked, Emmett had adopted a strange squatting pose on the seat. His hands were clutched on his hips, and it took me a second to realize that his fly was undone.

Right then, we pulled up to our neighboring vehicle, and Emmett yanked down his jeans, giving everyone an eyeful.

"Agh!" I wasn't the only screaming in delight as he shimmied his ass against the window. I could see our other classmates, laughing and pointing at our van, making sure everyone caught a glimpse of Emmett's full moon!

Cheers like 'classic' and 'awesome' were given all around as Emmett zipped up and sat down. He had the proudest grin on his face as he and Edward high-fived over me.

"Easiest money ever made," he said, leaning back and buckling his belt.

"How much did you pay him?" I asked, leaning my head back to look up at Edward.

"Twenty bucks. My parents were especially generous with my allowance for this trip. I figured I could be the philanthropist and spend my money for the good of mankind," he said, grinning. My stomach was doing all sorts of delightful flips as I stared at him, grinning back. His voice and been deep and soft, adding to our strange little intimate bubble. I took another deep breath, appreciating being held by him and the happiness of his expression.

"On behalf of mankind, may I just say, I'm really glad I wasn't in the other van," I joked.

"Hey!"

"I'm sorry, Em," I said, leaning back into Edward's embrace. "It's not that I don't love you and all. I'm sure you have quite the gorgeous, football-playing ass, but there are just some things that I _never_ want to see up close and personal. Count your backdoor as one of them."

"Gross, Bell! I just mooned them! I didn't invite them in for a tour!"

"Ew!"

"Just be glad you never had P.E. with him. It doesn't get much more up close and personal than that," Edward said into my ear, and I shivered.

Emmett raised an eyebrow at me, smirking.

"I'll tell you what, Bell. Since I offended your delicate sensibilities, I'll be the total gentleman and keep this seat for the rest of the ride, thus sparing you the glory of my ass prints," he said, waving his hands over the window, like a _Price Is Right_ model.

"I hope the hotel has some industrial strength Windex, otherwise I think that seat may be yours for life," Edward quipped.

"What are you talking about? I was gonna pull it out, get it dusted for prints, and hang it in the trophy case at school!"

Everyone in the van laughed, including our advisor. Deciding to make the most of my rare situation, I put my feet up in Emmett's lap, which let me press further into Edward's grasp.

"So, twenty bucks," I said, trying to act casual, "who knew you could be bought for so cheap?" Edward twisted towards me, throwing one arm across the back of the seat and leaving the other draped around my waist. I couldn't help but beam a glorious smile at Emmett. He grinned back, happy to see I had taken full advantage of the situation.

"I'm not cheap, Bell, I'm economical."

"Your ass was the blue light special," I shot back. Edward's laughter rumbled through my back.

"Imagine what I could have gotten for forty," he said. "Definitely worth the money!"

"Definitely worth it," Emmett said, waving the twenty in front of us both and winking at me.

I blushed and giggled and was totally thankful that Edward couldn't see my face.

#~#~#

Three hours later we arrived, moans and groans coming from everyone as we climbed out and stretched in the parking lot. After getting our room assignments and keys, we went to the welcoming ceremonies, doing our level best to be the loudest and most spirited group of rowdy teenagers.

After activities and depleting the local Pizza Hut of anything edible, we walked back to the hotel, keys in hand and ready for bed. Our advisors, trusting as they were, decided to give us all a reminder about the hotel rules - anyone not assigned to your room that is _in_ your room means the door must be open at all times. Several of the guys groaned, as if this ruined all their chances of scoring. I just rolled my eyes, knowing as well as they did that there were plenty of ways of skirting the rules and finding trouble. I never participated in any shenanigans myself--always the good girl--but I knew for a fact that Katy Browning from Camelback High had gone home from last year's convention and nine months later had a seven and a half pound bundle of joy.

"Later, Bell! Don't do anything I wouldn't do," Emmett said, shoving into Edward from the side, pushing him into me, then waving. Edward laughed, and I slammed back at him, forcing him against Emmett.

"Goodnight, Bella!"

"'Night, guys! See you in the morning!"

I made my way through the lobby and back outside, following my two roomies. Once inside, we figured out the sleeping arrangements between the two beds and one not-so-cozy sofa bed. We had three nights here, so I offered to take the sofa bed tonight, and then us girls would rotate for the next two nights. I figured if I was going to be uncomfortable; best to get it out of the way.

Tired as I was, sleep didn't come easily. I lay in bed, thinking about how Edward was probably just a few feet away, and then remembering those glorious three hours in the van, all nuzzled against him.

#~#~#

When we woke in the morning, I begged the girls to shower first and let me sleep a bit longer. I hadn't fallen asleep last night until two in the morning. The sofa bed and indeed been horribly uncomfortable, and I was terrified that I would talk in my sleep. The last thing I needed was for everyone to know about my crush on Edward and the effect it had on me.

At 7:30 I was scrambling to get ready. I'd have to forgo breakfast if I had any chance of being on time. I quickly combed through my wet hair, pulling it into a tight ponytail. The day's matching spirit outfits were green and white striped shirts, our school colors, and matching sweats. Our mascot was the bobcat, so I was rifling through my bag in search of my bobcat-eared headband and pin-on tail. At least I already had the whiskers on the counter.

Oh, the humiliation!

"BellAAAAH!" There was a loud pounding on my door that made me jump. I ran and threw it open, only to see Edward standing before me, looking nearly as frazzled as I was. There was a smudge of green on his cheek, and he was holding tubes of green and black lipstick.

"I need your help," he began, following me back into the room while I started dumping out the contents of my bag on the bed. "I wanted to put a big number one on my cheek, but I did it in the mirror, and then Emmett told me I'd painted the dumb thing on backwards. He went off to get breakfast, and obviously I can't do this on my own. And these stupid whiskers, agh! Would you please help me?" He begged.

I made the mistake of looking at him. Even as rushed as I was, I couldn't deny that grin or those eyes. God, those eyes were like twin, glittering jewels of kryptonite. Our green and white outfits only made them more piercing, and I swear I melted on the inside.

I stood, gulping like an idiot, upside-down bag in hand.

"Um, sure, but you gotta help me find my headband first," I said, swallowing. We both ran our hands through my stuff, sifting through it. It was only then that I'd realized that there were quite a few unmentionables splayed out before us.

Edward Cullen just touched my underwear.

"Uh," he looked up, seeming to notice my grave error in judgment as soon as I did.

Please, let me die now!

"Never mind, let me do you first." I paused, then my face flamed red. "I mean your _makeup!_ Let me do your makeup first!"

He had the nerve to smirk at me, as I whipped around towards the vanity. I grabbed a handful of tissues and swiped one with Noxema.

He closed his eyes as I started wiping his cheek clean. I took the tiniest bit longer than I needed to, taking this rare opportunity to just admire him. He was easily six feet tall by now, and in the two years we'd known each other, I had to admit he filled out rather nicely. He wasn't too slim or gangly, just lean...and perfect. He was still as a statue, as I made another gentle pass over the apple of his cheek.

"Tilt your head back a little," I requested. I didn't even know if he had any makeup on his jaw and neck, but I sure as hell wasn't going to miss my chance to touch him. I lifted my fingers and started just below his eyes, making a slow arc against the swell of his cheek, towards his perfect ear, to the harder angle of his jaw, and feathering off against his neck.

Please, let me die now...

"Okay, take a seat," I choked out. "You're too tall for me to do this right with you standing."

"Here you go," he said, handing me the makeup, then plopping down on one of the beds. He leaned his head back and closed his eyes.

"Um," I said, "just stay still." Ever so gently I pressed my bare fingertips to his lightly-stubbled chin, angling his face as I carefully drew the '#1' in green, then traced it in black. It only took two minutes, but I could swear I'd entered a bubble of sci-fi anomaly, where the universe simply did not exist, except for the two of us.

"All done," I whispered, sad to let his face go. He opened those gorgeous eyes to look at me and smile, and God, did I want him to kiss me. It felt like all the air and sound had been sucked out of the room, and all that was left was Edward.

"Thanks, Bella," he said, jumping up and breaking the spell completely. I staggered back a little, completely lost.

"You okay?"

"What? Yeah! Yeah, I, um, I didn't get breakfast, and I still need to find my stuff," I rambled, running back to my pile of clothes.

"You do that. I'm gonna try to get these whiskers on," he said, stepping toward the vanity. I dug my hand into the pockets of my bag, finally finding my bobcat ears and tail. I joined him at the mirror, and he held out the spirit gum to me.

"Here you go," he said, dabbing his whiskers into place, then pressing them tightly until they were fixed. I started squeezing and working mine into place while he washed his hands.

"Hold still," he said, and I was too focused on my whiskers to see what he was talking about. Then I felt a tug on my waistband, and my heart nearly leapt into my throat. Looking in the mirror, we appeared comically pornographic. I was bent over, my ass practically in the air, my face nearly pressed into the mirror. Edward was concentrating on my lower back, pulling at my waistband to pin on my bobcat tail.

Fuck. Me.

I was actually deafened by the rush blood, racing to either one of my cheeks, or well below the aforementioned waistband. My heart thrummed in my chest, and some base, uncontrollable instinct actually caused me to angle my hips _upward!_

"I said don't move," he barked, one hand grabbing my hip and lighting fire to the skin beneath it. He leaned over to get a better grasp of the safety pin.

"Whoa! Now I see why they have that open door rule!" Emmett boomed, scaring the crap out of both of us.

"Geez, Emmett," I yelled, jumping up, which caused Edward to lose his hold and stab me in the back with the pin. I yelped.

"Ohmigod, I'm sorry Bella. Are you okay?"

I nodded at Edward, rubbing the spot for a second before he grabbed my sweatpants again. "I'm trying to help her with her tail," Edward said, glaring at Emmett.

"Dude, the last thing I want to hear about is Bella's tail," he joked, throwing his palms up in the air.

"Very funny," I grimaced, but the blush was still in my cheeks, and Emmett winked at me. Edward finished fastening the safety pin, and I rubbed my back again for good measure.

"Guys, the vans are loading up. Hey, where's your hat?" he asked Edward, while tipping his own baseball cap adorned with ridiculously large bobcat ears.

"Crap, I left it in the room," he said, running out the door, digging into his pockets for his room key. "I'll meet you outside," he yelled from down the corridor.

"Been busy, Baby Bell?" Emmett asked suggestively.

"As if," I said, rolling my eyes at him.

"Sorry to interrupt. Maybe you should put a sock on the doorknob next time," he laughed.

"Very funny, McCarty," I shot back, pushing him out of the room. We walked to the vans, standing by the open doors waiting for Edward.

"Everybody in," our advisor yelled, and we took up the middle bench, sliding aside as Edward came running towards us. He jumped in and slammed the sliding door, plopping down in the seat next to me and pulling his hat on. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a green foil package.

"Who's your best friend in the whole world?" he asked, smiling at me, and I gladly took the granola bar out of his hand.

"You are," I beamed, ripping the package apart and completely touched by the gesture.

#~#~#

It had been a long day of cheering, screaming, watching and performing skits, eating, and more cheering and screaming.

By all rights, we should be exhausted. But as the advisors slowly congregated into the hospitality suites, and the entire delegation took over the hotel, it was obvious no one was going to bed early this Friday night. We'd been encouraged to be social, so even through bleary eyes, I followed my classmates out to charm our fellow student council counterparts.

I followed the guys out into the main courtyard, and we glanced around at all the open doors, trying to figure out which ones had the most people hanging out in them. Spying a heavily-trafficked door, we climbed the stairs up to the third floor. Along the way, Edward ran into a student body president from a school in Tucson, leaving me and Emmett to continue on. As we headed towards the room, a guy came hurtling out of a nearby door, a glass sailing past his head.

"Don't you _ever_ come near me again, Roy, so help me God," we heard a girl shout from the room.

Roy stood up to his full height, a good 6'2" at least. I recognized him immediately from earlier today. He was the student body president of one of the schools, and we all knew he was heading off to Stanford next year.

"If you're such a frigid bitch, then maybe you should stop dressing like such a fuckin' cock tease," he said, lunging back towards the door. Emmett grabbed him by the back of his collar.

"Hey, what is your problem?" Emmett growled in a menacing tone.

"My problem is none of your fucking business, jock strap," he said, wrestling from Emmett's grasp. "I was just having a little talk with my girl."

"I'm not your girl, you asshole," she yelled back.

"You're _my girl_ until I say you're not, got it?" he shouted, making another run at the door. Emmett immediately pinned the guy's arm around his back.

"I think the lady says otherwise. Maybe you should go back to your room before I find your advisor," Emmett threatened.

"You'd better back off. Do you have any idea who I am?" Roy snarled.

"Yeah, actually, I do. Roy King," Emmett hissed into his ear. "But you see my friend over there," he nodded towards me, and I froze. "Her dad's the chief of police, and I'm sure that a little incident report about you being drunk and threatening girls at a school event is going to ruin any chances you have of going anywhere that doesn't require a jumpsuit. So, I suggest you back the fuck off, and be on your merry way." He let him go, and Roy looked at him in disgust, then turned to face the girl in the room and pointed at her.

"This isn't over, honey. Not by a long shot," he sneered. That's when Emmett and I happened to finally get a look at her. Tall and blonde, with mascara tracks running down her face. Her eyes were wide with fright, and she was cupping a cube of ice against her swelling cheek.

"Hey Roy," Emmett yelled, and Roy turned to look at him. That's when Emmett's fist connected solidly with Roy's gut.

"I ever catch you hitting her, or any girl for that matter, you're dead meat. Is that understood?" Emmett rumbled into his ear, then pushed Roy away, disgusted to even make contact with him. Roy stumbled towards the railing, leaned over and puked his guts out.

Emmett and I went into the room to help the girl, and she was smiling a wicked grin, wiping her tears.

"God, I wish I could have done that myself. I really need to learn how to throw a good punch," she sniffed. "Thanks." She smiled up at Emmett, and he was mesmerized. I nudged him, trying to get him to close his jaw.

"Emmett's a great teacher. Thanks to him I have a wicked right hook," I offered, but the girl only had eyes for Emmett.

"Oh, y-yeah, no problem. I'm glad I could help. Though, it looked like you were doing a pretty good job till then," he said, smiling at her.

"Some guys just can't take 'no' for an answer. Or 'stop' or 'cut it out' or 'get off of me.' Damn," she sighted, "would you mind hitting him again?"

Emmett turned, happy to oblige, before the blonde grabbed him by the arm.

"No, please. I'm fine, really," she laughed. "I'm Rose, by the way. Rosalie Hale."

"Emmett. Emmett McCarty," he replied, standing to his full height and puffing out his chest a little. I couldn't help but snort.

"And this pipsqueak," he teased.

"Hey," I warned.

"Is Bella Swan."

"It's nice to meet you, Rose. Is there anything I can get for you? Are you sure you're okay?"

"Oh, yeah, I'll be fine. Do you mind, though? I'm just gonna go wash my face really quick," she took a quick couple of steps backward.

"Not at all," Emmett replied, and she smiled at him again, ducking back towards the bathroom vanity.

"Bell," he whispered at me, a look of pleading on his face.

I couldn't help but grin.

"Say no more, say no more, squire," I laughed, backing up towards the door.

"I hate when you and Edward quote that Python shit," he shook his head. "But thanks, I owe you big time!"

"No problem, conquering hero," I waved at him and left to make my way to the party we were originally headed towards.

I was happy for Emmett, but I hated flying solo. Being as inherently shy as I was certainly didn't help, but I managed to introduce myself to several people, and even struck up a decent conversation with a cute guy from Corona del Sol. We must have spent at least twenty minutes on the couch, talking about our respective schools. Jacob was a senior, so he told me all about how he was headed off to ASU in the fall to study psychology. He even seemed interested when I told him I was considering studying literature.

"Planning on teaching for a living, then," he joked.

"Not necessarily. Maybe I'll end up writing the books that teachers teach with," I quipped back.

"I'm sure you could teach them a thing or two," he responded smugly.

We talked for a few more minutes, but after my third yawn, I told him I needed to head back to my room.

"That's a shame, but I'll see you later, right?" he asked.

"Of course, I'm here all weekend," I teased, heading out the door. I knew better than to interrupt Emmett and his new friend, so I breezed quickly past their door, then past the railing where Roy had lost his dinner, until I was by the stairs. I peered over the edge, wondering if I'd catch a glimpse of Edward. It had been nearly an hour since we'd split, so I was sure he was in one of the rooms at another party. I was a handful of steps from the ground floor when I heard giggling.

"Oh, Eddie, how I've missed you," I heard a girl's voice, and I froze.

_Not again, please. I can't see this again!_

But, like a lamb to the slaughter, I lightly took the last few steps, quietly coming around the staircase.

There, next to the gate of the swimming pool, was Edward and some girl from one of the other schools. Apparently he knew her well, because she had both her hands on his chest, and his hands were clasped lightly on her waist.

I couldn't watch.

I wouldn't.

I ran as quietly as I could to my empty room, slamming the door and taking big gulps of air. God, I was stupid. What was I thinking? It wasn't like anything had changed. I was still just one of the guys. Sitting next to him on a stupid car ride did _not_ suddenly make us betrothed, so why couldn't I get rid of this ache in my chest? Why couldn't I stop wanting something that could never be?

I was tired of it. So tired. This constant dull pain that underlie everything that we did, every exchange of jokes, every smile, every conversation. It was always there, that _pain_.

I didn't want to belong to him, knowing he could never be mine. So why did I feel like that? Why, down to my very core, did I feel like he owned me?

I took a shower, knowing I could cry as long and hard as I needed to without interruption. I hoped, with everything that I had, that somehow I could purge this _need_, this connection. Through my tears, I wanted to purge my soul of Edward Cullen.

I fell asleep, drained and emotionally exhausted.

#~#~#

Saturday was another full schedule, and it was easy to busy myself and stay away from Edward. Emmett was so busy spending time from Rose, he didn't notice my absence.

As night fell, and the parties started up again in earnest, I knew what I wanted to do. Everyone else around me was having fun, having experiences, and I was tired of playing the role of pathetic, lovesick sidekick. I let this disgusting need I had for Edward deprive me everything else I should be enjoying. For years now, whenever I'd even find another boy attractive, I felt as if I was cheating somehow.

Stupid, I know.

So, I went out, milling around the party rooms, desperate to misbehave. I could never have Edward; that much was clear. But maybe, just maybe, I could exorcise him from my being.

Luckily, I ran into Jacob again, and this time, I tried to be flirty. I completely sucked at it, never having done it before, but I think it must have been working on some level. We found another couch, and he offered me some shots of 'mouthwash,' which seemed to be the drink of choice. Never having alcohol before, I thought it really was mouthwash at first, until my head started swimming a bit.

"I don't think this is really mouthwash, Jake," I stage-whispered, and he laughed.

"It is minty fresh," he said with a smile. "But, you're right. Maybe you've had enough. Get some fresh air," he suggested, taking my hand.

"That sounds wunnerful," I giggled, maybe a little more under the influence than I realized.

We walked away from the hotel area, closer to the train tracks, and found an old bench to sit on. My eyes quickly adjusted to the dark.

"God, you can seriously see all the stars out here," I said, looking up in awe.

"Yeah, not an easy thing to see in the city. Way too many lights," he said, putting his arm around me and I let him. It felt nice. Not in the same electric way as Edward's touch, but nice all the same.

"That feels nice," I said, my language filter apparently shot.

"I'm glad you think so," he laughed, rubbing my arm. He tucked me into his side a little more, leaning down to face me. "You're really pretty, you know," he sighed, his hand brushing my bangs to the side.

"You think so," I asked, my voice small and hopeful.

"Oh yeah, absolutely," he smiled. His thumb moved to brush my lip.

This was _really_ going to happen. I'd never been kissed before. Hell, I'd never dated before either. Not for lack of want, but because of my stupid, loyal heart to someone who didn't want me. But I wanted this. I wanted this experience, and even though I didn't have anything other than a passing attraction for Jake, at least I knew he thought I was pretty and worth kissing.

He smiled, and leaned towards me, closing his eyes. I tilted my head, closing my eyes and waiting.

"Bella! Is that you?"

_You've got to be kidding me!_

Jake jumped back, startled. We both sat up, as a familiar silhouette came into view.

"Bella, what the hell are you doing out here? You know we're not supposed to leave the hotel. We were freaking the hell out," Edward chastised me, before noticing I wasn't alone.

"I'm fine, Edward. I was just hanging out with Jake," I said casually. "We were just...stargazing." I giggled, and Jake stood beside me.

Edward took a step closer, a hard look in his eyes.

"The fuck...Bella, are you drunk? Did you get her _drunk!?_" He grabbed Jake's shirt, glaring at him. "What school are you with? I'm gonna have your ass handed to you by your advisor!"

"Edward, what the hell?" I shoved him. "Leave him alone!"

"It's cool, Bella. I should get back anyway," Jake relented, a bit of fear in his eyes from the threat.

"No, Jake, don't go," I tried, but he was already walking away.

"What the hell is your problem!" I crossed my arms, yelling at Edward.

"Wh-what...what's _my_ problem? Bella, we've been looking for you for an hour now. Emmett was freaking out. We looked everywhere!"

"Right," I sneered, "Emmett was worried, 'cause, of course, _you_ couldn't give a shit." Oh hell, my language filter really was gone. This could get ugly.

"What the hell are you talking about?!"

"Nothing, alright, just...just leave me alone. I have to go find Jake."

"Like hell I will. I'm not letting you wander off like this, with some strange guy that gets you drunk and carts you off to the middle of nowhere! What were you thinking?"

"What was I thinking!? Oh, I don't know, maybe how, for once, I'd like to feel like something other than an honorary guy or the total square who never has any fun! Maybe I wanted an experience, Edward. Ever think of that? Maybe I'm sick of being a total prude!"

"So what, you wander off with just some random _guy_?" He looked livid. "It's a huge fucking difference to go from prude to slut!"

I felt like I'd been slapped.

"Those are big fucking words, coming from you and your revolving door of bonus STD 'girlfriends'." I put air quotes on the last word. "I'm sorry if Emmett's concern threw a wrench into whatever french-kissing, boob-groping, blowjob plans you had for the evening. If I ever need a referral for penicillin, I'll give you call!"

"Fuck you!"

"Fuck YOU!"

I got about ten steps away before he grabbed my arm.

"You're not going after that guy," he snarled.

"Lemme go." I pulled against him.

"No."

"What is wrong with you?! Why can everyone else have someone but me, huh? Emmett found someone. You've got the damn Mono parade. I just wanted a first fucking kiss." I was crying. He let go of my arm, and I pulled away, reaching into my pocket for some tissue to wipe away my tears and blow my nose.

I turned around and jumped when I saw Edward standing much too close. He took me up in his arms, sliding his hands to cup my face, and tilted it back ever so gently. I froze, terrified and thrilled all at once. As much as I'd dreamt about this, I didn't think it would ever happen. My mind went into overdrive, trying to figure out the circumstances that could lead to this impossible moment, then it shut down altogether.

"I can give you that," he murmured.

His lips touched mine, and I sighed into him. In that moment, I forgot everything - my insecurities, where and who we were. All I could do was feel. His lips ignited everything within me at once. I felt as if my entire being was straining to express itself with my lips. I wanted to swallow him whole and be consumed at the same time. In that one kiss he took and gave everything, quelling my inexperience by teaching me how to kiss without devouring, but welcome and respond, push and pull.

I wanted to live and die in that kiss.

And then I felt his tongue, both cold and foreign but dangerously exciting. Our closed lips broke into soft, wet gasps, minute swipes of tongues against lips against tongues.

I moaned, and he moaned back. I fisted my hands in his shirt, pulling him tighter against me. His hands slid along my back, and his lips...those magic lips, danced along my neck, suckling and nipping.

I felt like I would explode. Every part of me was burning, building into something frightening and overwhelming. Just from his kiss. My soul was opened and laid bare before him.

I gasped, feeling his lips suckle a new spot on my neck. I couldn't care if it left a mark because the sensation was too great. I returned in kind, latching on to his neck like an inexperienced vampire, desperate to imbibe. He sighed in my ear, and I sucked so hard that I became dizzy, my knees going weak and ears ringing. He grabbed me, and I threw my head back, gulping in air.

His mouth was back on my neck, his hand resting on the bare skin under my sweater. I was limp against him, and I grasped, desperate to find something to hold on to. Unwittingly, my hands found his ass and squeezed. He groaned.

My sweater rose higher. When his thumb grazed my nipple, I squeaked out in delighted shock.

'_More,'_ was all I could think as I lost any sense of propriety. I squeezed him again, eliciting a growl.

I hiccupped, a minty, mouthwash hiccup, and giggled.

He stilled, holding me against him, waiting for my breathing to return to normal. I kept my eyes closed, doing what I could to just enjoy the feel of him wrapped around me. His hand gently stroked my hair, continually sliding and tucking it behind my ears, calming me.

I covered my mouth, blushed and smiled at him. For just a second, I saw him return my smile, eyes sparkling like jewels, before his expression turned blank.

"Was that what you wanted?" he asked.

"Yes," I said, "more than you know."

"Good," he said, his voice devoid of anything gentle. He released me. "There's your '_experience'_. Now let's get you back before you get busted."

I staggered back, feeling the coldness of his tone.

"Wait, what?" I muttered, confused.

"You said you wanted an experience so I gave you one. At least be thankful I'm someone you know, and not some random guy. At least I'm a friend."

"A...a friend?" I questioned.

"Not bad for your first kiss. I'm sure whoever finally lands you will be a lucky guy," he joked.

No.

_Please. _

This couldn't be happening. Did he not feel it? Was it only me? That kiss was phenomenal. I knew I had nothing to compare it to, but surely, not every kiss is like _that_ one, was it?

Oh God, was I really that naive?

I looked over at him, marching us solemnly back towards the hotel. His expression was indifferent. He appeared completely unaffected by the most mind-shattering experience of my life.

Experience.

Oh God, _experience!_

Stupid, naive, _inexperienced_ Bella!

My first time on the rollercoaster versus his millionth time. Of course it was nothing special to him.

As if it wasn't already enough, as if I hadn't unwillingly _given_ him everything, he had to _steal_ this from me. He thought he'd done me a _favor._

My first kiss.

The fantasy of the boy I loved shattered against the reality of this cold and cocky Edward. Maybe all these years I'd simply created the perfect boy in my mind, enough to blind me to this person walking next to me. He was oblivious to my feelings, almost eager to crush them, and me, completely, all in the name of friendship.

Just another victim to his charm.

I was too many things at once; horrified, devastated, and something...something building in the pit of my stomach, blooming in my chest.

Anger.

I was _livid!_ At myself, for being an idiot, but mostly at him.

Mostly.

I stopped in my tracks, letting this new hatred roll over me. I could feel my fingers curling, just like Emmett had taught me.

"C'mon, we have to get back before anyone else notices you're gone." Edward tugged on my arm, too distracted to see the fist clenching in my right hand.

He looked at me, noticing my sudden change in expression. Too late, my anger registered with him.

My right arm swung a perfect arc, connecting fluidly with his perfect jaw. The solid thud echoed in the air. He fell to the ground, cradling his face, eyes wide with shock.

"Consider that payment for breaking me in for _the next lucky guy_, you son of bitch," I hissed. "It's not enough, you have to steal one of the few willing experiences I had to share, but you had to make me feel like utter shit afterwards? Some friend," I spat at him. "Consider your obligation fulfilled, and stay the fuck away from me!"

I'm sure I imagined the hurt look in his eyes as I turned to leave. I ran to my room, slammed the door, and seethed.

I belonged to him, irrevocably. That kiss had seared itself into my being. I would relive that one perfect moment for the rest of my life, and I would hate myself for it every single time.

If I ever had any hope before, it was completely gone now.

He would never be mine, because he _never wanted me._

Never.

And I would spend the rest of my life doing whatever I had to, to forget him.

Somehow, I could learn to live with that.

I would have to.

And I would be _fine!_

Mostly.


	2. Aftermath

_Thanks for all the feedback and concrit on this - I hope I don't disappoint. My beta situation is still up in the air, but I've had enough eyes go over this that say to just go ahead and post, hence, I'm posting. Happy Thanksgiving! :^)_

* * *

_**Chapter 2: Aftermath**_

...ow!

_OW!_

I hadn't really noticed the pain until I tried to loosen the fingers in my right hand. Unconsciously I had fisted both hands once I was back in my room, and now that my fury was finally starting to ebb, I could feel the tension drain from my body and the the throbbing in my knuckles begin in earnest. I inspected my hand while gingerly relaxing my fingers. Sure enough, I'd split a knuckle, and the others were sure to bruise.

"Aw crap," I muttered into the empty room, then walked over to the sink and turned on the faucet. I hissed when the cool water hit the split skin, but soon enough the temperature became soothing. After a minute, I turned off the tap and gently dabbed my hand dry. Unfortunately, the cold only made my pale skin appear more stark, and the beginning discoloration that much more prominent. Huffing in contempt, I knew what I should do. I patted my pocket, making sure the room key was still there before grabbing the ice bucket off the counter.

The last thing I wanted was to run into anyone, especially either one of the guys. I didn't want to have to explain my injury to Emmett, and I sure as hell would have caused more injury if I ran into Edward. However, I refused to skulk around the open walkways of the hotel like I was in hiding. Meek Bella could go on permanent vacation as far as I was concerned.

I summoned up some more of my anger, letting it fuel my confidence for the short trek to the ice machine. I didn't spare a glance as I passed _his_ room, and I must have done a pretty good job of exuding a don't-fuck-with-me attitude, as the few people I did encounter along the way quickly scrambled out of my path. I shoved the bucket into machine, growing more and more irritated as it slowly ground out a measly number of precious ice cubes. Impatient, I only let it fill halfway before stomping back down the walkway.

From the corner of my eye I could see the drapes flutter in his window as I walked by, but I refused to turn my head.

Once safely locked in my room, I changed into my pajamas and settled into bed. I adjusted the pillows, situated the ice-filled towel over my knuckles, and then my hand over the bucket, not wanting to leave a puddle of melted ice on the blankets or carpet. When I'd finally found some semblance of comfort, I let out one long, slow exhale. I willed my body to relax, trying to find some way to relieve the tension that didn't include me gulping with snot-filled sobs until I passed out drenched in tears, only to wake with my eyes crusted shut. I cleared my mind as best as I could, and forced myself to draw deep breaths until my head stopped pounding and my pulse steadied.

I'm not sure how long I lay there, but I made sure to feign sleep when my roomies stumbled in during the wee hours of the night. I heard them each fall into bed and then eventually their breathing evened out to unconsciousness. I heard the din of conversation outside my window grow quieter and quieter, until all that was left were the chirping crickets. I could hear the cars whooshing by on the nearby highway, and still, sleep wouldn't come.

I refused to think about what had happened.

I lay there, eyes closed, finding some semblance of rest until the sun rose. Though it was still much too early, I showered and got ready as quietly as I could. I dried myself, then fastened the towel into a makeshift turban to leech the water from my hair. It was almost soothing to run the lotion over my arms and legs, except for the dull ache in my hand. Even with everything that had happened, the world always seemed a bit better after a nice long, hot shower.

It wasn't until I wiped the steam off the bathroom mirror that the events of the previous evening came crashing down. I gasped, touching the mirror then touching my neck.

Not one, but _two_ violet marks had bloomed on my pale skin. Twin oblong splotches on either side of my neck; my pain and humiliation tattooed for the world to see.

_Hickeys!_

I squeezed my eyes shut, gripping the sides of the sink despite my protesting knuckles. I drew a deep breath, trying not to cry and scream in rage. A low moan escaped my throat and I was thankful that at least I had my anger. Anger was a hell of a lot easier to deal with than being heartbroken. Thank God for small favors.

I was more thankful that no one else was up yet, and that today's 'spirit uniform' of choice was matching green shirts over white turtlenecks. All in all, it sounded like this was shaping up to be my lucky day.

I couldn't help the wry grin that formed on my lips.

_Oh yeah, best day ever!_

I laughed, glad to at least find the gallows humor in my predicatment. Sighing, I grabbed my toothbrush and finished getting ready.

The lobby was empty as I walked through and out onto the sidewalk. In another stroke of luck the only 24-hour Walgreens in this tiny town happened to be right across the street. I grabbed some Tylenol, gauze for my knuckles and, to be on the safe side, some foundation to cover my neck. I didn't think I had any other high-collared shirts at home, and I had a feeling that those _marks_ would still be there come tomorrow. Not really familiar with makeup in general, I also picked up a concealer stick and some powder that looked like they might match closely enough to my skin tone. It was difficult to tell under the sickly green drugstore lights and the bubbled sticker of a mirror along the rack of foundation.

I wrapped my hand once I returned to the room, hoping I wouldn't get too many questions, then made my way to the large breakfast area off the lobby. It was only seven, and considering the daily activities didn't begin for another two hours, there were a mere handful of advisors peppered amongst the tables. Each of them looked weary, cupping their mugs of coffee and enjoying one of the weekend's rare moments of quiet.

I picked up a cheese danish from the continental breakfast bar, though I barely had any appetite. My stomach rumbled in defiant protest to my apathy, so I also put some strawberries and a mini muffin on my plate for good measure. Balancing my plate and a can of Coke between my injured hand, I sat at one of the many empty tables in the large room.

"Bella," a voice spoke from behind and I startled, "what happened to your hand?"

Mr. Garrett, or Mr. G as we all called him, reached for my wrist. He was one of the three advisors from our school and everyone's favorite. In his early twenties and only a year out of college, we easily related to him and his ever-present casual demeanor.

"Oh, you know me," I shrugged. "Stupid heavy hotel room doors - wasn't paying attention and it closed on my hand. Not pretty." I blushed from the lie, amazed that I had done it so easily.

"Oh yes, I'm quite familiar with your fluid grace," he laughed. "I'm amazed you haven't ended up in traction with all the activities we do." He gently held my hand, inspecting it for anything more than surface damage. "Are you alright? Do you think we should get it x-rayed?"

"Oh, um, no. I'm fine, really. Nothing I can't handle," I smiled, then gestured to the adjoining chair at my table. "Late night for the advisors too, huh?" I changed the subject as he sat down with his food and coffee.

"I'm sure you'll find this hard to believe but looking after hundreds of teenagers, even relatively well-behaved ones, can be pretty taxing. Besides," he glanced around before leaning in a bit closer, "we don't want to be responsible for another 'Katy Browning' incident, now do we?"

Had it been any other teacher I'd have been mortified, but Mr. G was more a big brother to us than an authoritarian. Sharing gossip over breakfast wasn't the least bit awkward.

"You got filled in on that bit of scandal, huh?"

"Oh please, Bella, like I'm that far removed from being a teenager myself. I think the other advisors were glad to have me along this year. It was like having an insider on their team."

"Their very own informant. I'm sure they were thrilled Mr. Benedict Arnold," I chuckled.

"Well, I did help them confiscate quite a bit of contraband the last couple of nights. I can't believe they'd never heard of the old mouthwash trick."

I choked on my danish.

"Isabella Swan," his eyes grew wide, "don't tell me you actually partook of the mouthwash!" I would have been terrified had his voice not been quite so melodramatic. Still, I'm sure I'd grown deathly pale.

"Well, color me all sorts of surprised," he laughed. "I never would have pegged you for the type."

"I'm not," I gulped, "I mean, I don't. Like, not ever, I swear!"

"Whoa, calm down there, kiddo! If we didn't catch you, you're not in trouble. And even if we had, well hell, we'd have probably let you off with a warning."

"I thought kids lost their student council office and got expelled for three days?"

"Well yeah, usually. But depending on the situation, it's usually advisor's discretion, and you're hardly some social deviant. Hell, you'd probably welcome the extra time to study," he joked.

"Hardly! My mom would probably ship me off to Washington," I said, knowing how much Renée hated anything having to do with discipline, not that I gave her any reason to have to deal with it at all.

"Not to worry there, kiddo. Your deviant alter ego can be our secret," he joked, putting me at ease.

We continued to talk about how the weekend had gone, comparing the other school's programs to what we had presented, and what our chances were of winning the bid for next year's convention. By the time we had finished eating, there were a few more people in the room, but not many. I could already imagine the bottleneck of vehicles that awaited us in the mass exodus to follow.

"Any chance I can get my luggage in one of the vans now, maybe even lay claim to shotgun on the ride home?" There was no way in hell I was sitting next to Edward for three hours. I'd either kill him or start bawling.

"Shotgun?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah, I was getting a little car sick on the way up," I lied again.

"I don't have a problem with it, but you'll probably have to fight Eric for it. He's intent on being my navigator."

"Half-a-Bee? Not a problem."

"Yeah, why do you two call him that anyway? I've always wondered."

_You two._

I sighed. I'd just have to get used to this, always being inextricably linked with Edward whether I wanted to or not. Before last night, I'd have been happy for even this minor observation from a third party. It always made me feel closer to Edward when people thought of us in terms of a pair, even it was only as friends. But now? We'd been friends for so long, I could only imagine how long it would be before people's perceptions began to change.

God, how long would it be before _my_ perception changed - before I could stop thinking of myself as his?

"Oh, stupid Python song, _Eric the Half-a-Bee._ Kinda stuck," I mumbled, trying not to dwell on it. "I'm gonna grab my stuff. Be right back."

I quickly walked to my room, trying my best to be oblivious of my surroundings and the thoughts swirling in my head. It was one thing to deny my feelings all these years, but to lose our friendship as well? That hurt more than I wanted to admit. All those years of denial had at least protected the one great thing I did have, and now that was gone as well.

'_Later,'_ I told myself,_ 'Can't think about this now. _Mustn't_ think about this now!'_ My roomies were frantically rushing around when I returned to the room, so they mostly ignored me as I grabbed my bag and suitcase and hauled them out to the van.

I turned in my room key to the front desk, then set off to find Half-a-Bee to negotiate for the front seat. In the end it only cost me another rematch for my board position on the chess team. He'd lost our last two games, but was convinced he'd beat me eventually. Given my current state of chaos I didn't doubt it.

I found a corner of the lobby to sit in, away from the general frenzy of delegations, while waiting to leave. It was relatively quiet, and I sat with my sunglasses on to cover the dismal shadows darkening beneath my eyes. I refused to think of it as hiding, but more a brief respite from what lay ahead. Sipping on my third can of Coke, I was pretty sure the only way I'd make it through today would be on a steady input of caffeine and being generally pissed off. Weepy, vulnerable self-introspection with unwanted inner monologue would have to wait until I was in the safety of my own bedroom.

I could only imagine the massive sugar-and-angst crash that awaited me once I got home.

From what I could see through the lobby windows it looked like the vans were finally loading up. I forced myself to stand, my weary body aching in protest, before heading out to the parking lot. Emmett was coordinating our luggage, easily lifting and sorting the heavier pieces until everything fit. I pointedly refused to look for Edward before climbing into the front seat. I leaned back against the headrest, leaving the door open until we were ready to leave. The cool air was helping to keep me awake.

"Hey Bell, what are you doing up here?"

I unglued my eyes to look at Emmett, who appeared way too chipper for this early in the morning. I was certain there was no way he'd gotten more than three hours of sleep. It hardly seemed fair.

"Not feeling great. Didn't want to do a technicolor yawn all over you," I groaned, adding weight to the half-truth.

"No offense, but you look like hell!"

"Love you too, Em." I refrained from flipping him off.

Soon enough everyone had filled the seats and, without looking, I could tell when _he'd_ gotten in. It was like I could feel a nasty static charge building on my neck and along my left arm - what he'd be able to see of me from the center bench seat.

The ride to the school started out fairly quiet. Too many people were suffering from lack of sleep to really make too much noise. But Emmett was in an exceptionally good mood, and I'm sure it had everything to do with a certain blond. He began rallying all of us, so by the time we arrived at the convention we were just as loud and obnoxious as we'd been all weekend, even me. If I just kept focused on what we were doing today, I'd be fine.

Mostly.

I purposely walked a bit slower as we crowded into the auditorium, making certain I'd have to sit at the far end of the aisle without making it look obvious. Sure enough, I saw the backs of Edward and Emmett as they charged ahead and lead us all down the walkway before being seated. We filed into our seats, and I ended up on the far end next to Mr. G.

After two hours of closing presentations, the big announcement was made that our school had won next year's convention. We went wild, cheering and screaming and hugging each other. Although my excitement was tempered with my heart crushing failure, at least something good had come of this weekend.

'_Always look on the bright side of life!'_ I snickered, imagining myself along with the crucified Pythons at the end of _Life of Brian._

Advisors tried to corral their groups back into their respective vans as everyone milled about the parking lot saying their goodbyes. I walked by people with bright smiles, promising each other to keep in touch and furtively scribbling phone numbers on one another's programs. I could only offer a wan smile and a wave to the few that offered me congratulations along the way.

"Hey Bella, wait up!"

I turned to see Jake running up to me.

"Hey, I'm sorry about last night. I hope I didn't get you into any trouble," he grinned.

"Oh, um, no. Not at all," I tried to smile back, a blush staining my cheeks.

"I didn't want to bail on you last night, _believe_ me! But your friend seemed awfully pissed, and I was afraid of getting busted. I'm so sorry," he apologized again. "I wasn't trying to be a perv or anything, I swear."

"That's okay Jake, really," I sighed, "he was just being an overbearing ass."

"Yeah, well, jealousy will do that to a guy," he grumbled.

I couldn't help but laugh.

"Oh no! Definitely not jealousy, Jake. Just a complete asshole!" I could feel my eyes start to water, and not in a good way. "Trust me, he made that perfectly clear last night."

"Really?" He seemed completely surprised. "What an idiot!"

My face flamed red.

"Here, give me your program," he asked, pulling a Sharpie from his back pocket. He scrawled his name and number on the inside cover, then placed it back in my hands and gently grasped my forearms.

"Call me, Bella. Please," he begged, his dark eyes practically shining at me. "Maybe I can convince you to give ASU a try in a couple of years. Give you a tour myself?" He gave me an inviting smile.

I was taken aback by his enthusiasm. He really wanted _me_ to call him?

"Bell, let's get a move on!" We both turned to see Emmett pointing at me, then thumbing emphatically towards the van. He didn't look happy, and that was a rare thing in Emmett.

"Geez, do you have your own security team or what?" Jake laughed.

"It seems that way," I replied, rolling my eyes.

"I mean it, call me," he said, then gave me a quick kiss on the cheek before running off to join his group. He turned to wave at me before he moved out of sight. My fingers grazed my cheek, and I could feel my face light up in a small grin before I turned and joined the others.

I couldn't imagine why Emmett scowled at me, but I could care less. I was suddenly in a much better mood.

#~#~#

We drove for about an hour before pulling into a McDonald's off the highway. God help the employees along the I-17 this afternoon, as hordes of starving teenagers descended upon them like locusts plaguing Egypt.

The simultaneous clatter of plastic trays could be heard as we took up several tables and a bench seat near the back of the restaurant. There was no 'non-obvious' way to maneuver a seat away from the guys, so I sat on the far end, hoping that Edward would have enough sense to let Emmett sit next to me. I'd still somehow managed to avoid looking at him all day, and I hoped that alone had shown him how serious I was in having him stay away from me.

"Dude, you should go wash that off now, otherwise it'll end up all over your Big Mac," I heard Emmett say.

"I'll just wait 'til I get home," I heard Edward grumble.

"That shit don't even look pretty. Just wipe it off."

"OWW! Hey, no, okay? I'll just make a mess in the bathroom."

Curiosity got the better of me when I saw Emmett's green-covered thumb. I glanced around him to see Edward's profile. He had very crudely drawn 'Bobcats' on the side of his face in green and black makeup. Knowing how much difficulty he had with painting in the mirror before, I was surprised he'd managed to scrawl the word on correctly.

Unfortunately it looked like a jittery serial killer had painted it. The letters looked smashed, skinny and jagged, yet were somehow legible. Edward's handwriting might border on elegant, but somehow that simply didn't translate to face paint.

What really caught my attention was where he had drawn it on. The words were low enough on his left cheek that they covered his entire jaw, almost to the center of his chin. Emmett's thumb had smeared the paint right along the midpoint of that perfect jaw of his.

_OH! _

_Oh, clever boy!_

No wonder he'd said 'ow' when Emmett had pressed his thumb against it. I bet it must have hurt like a son of a bitch.

I smiled - a genuine, wicked smile.

"Serves you right, shithead," I muttered, flexing my injured hand under the table with pride.

"What was that, Bell," Emmett asked.

"I said, 'yeah, you're right Emmett.'" and popped another fry into my mouth. "You don't want to end up eating greasepaint, Edward, now do you?" I shook some more salt on my fries, not even looking at him.

"I'm fine 'til we get home," he said through clenched teeth.

"Make sure to use Alice's Noxema, otherwise it might stain your skin," I offered helpfully. "The last thing you want is to go to school tomorrow with your jaw all messed up."

Wow, it felt _good_ to be evil!

"I'll keep that in mind," he growled, then took a slow and deliberate bite of his burger, carefully chewing it. I bet that hurt, too!

'_Good,'_ I thought with a smirk.

Edward didn't say another word through lunch, and thankfully Emmett let the whole face paint thing slide after that. We piled back into the van, and I was glad I only had two more hours left before I could crawl into my own bed.

Even though I was relatively safe from interaction up in the passenger seat, I decided to take the extra precaution of putting on my headphones. I thumbed my pink plastic Walkman, not bothering to check what tape was in there.

Of course, it had to be the tape that _he_ made me. It had been a Christmas gift - a mix tape of his favorite Cure songs. As much as I hated him now, I could never fault his taste in music, and I sure as hell would never hold it against the Cure. At least it was a 90-minute tape - enough to keep me isolated for the rest of the trip home. I toggled the button to auto-flip and rolled the volume knob loud enough to shut out the noises of the other occupants in our vehicle.

I'd been nursing the refill on my 32oz Coke, but a full tummy, the gentle drone of the van and the emotive warble of Robert Smith were beginning to lull me. I foolishly put my drink in the cupholder, and thought it would be okay to just close my eyes for a minute or two. I nudged the volume just a bit louder to keep me awake.

I started dreaming almost immediately.

We were outside the hotel again. It was night, and I could see each and every one of the billion stars twinkling in the sky. He reached for me suddenly, just like he had before, and I could see all those stars reflected and sparkling in his eyes. He smiled at me - that beautiful, gleeful smile that I loved so much, and then he took me up in his arms. I smiled back at him feeling the delightful mass of butterflies dancing inside me. He spun us around, laughing beautifully. I loved the sound of his laughter.

He stared at me, and I could see the boy I loved; my best friend.

"You're real," I whispered.

He grinned and nodded, and now I was laughing.

He reached for my face, gently cupping both cheeks in his palm and pulling me up and towards him.

"Close your eyes, Bella," he whispered back. I could feel the flutter of his warm, sweet breath ghost over my lips.

I sighed, closing my eyes and waiting...

...and waiting...

Confused, I finally looked only to see him standing a distance away. He was flanked by every girl I could ever remember seeing with him before. They giggled and tittered - a horrible sound that made my cheeks burn in humiliation - then Edward laughed. Not the sweet laughter I knew, but mirthless and mocking. He doubled over, pointing at me, which caused all the girls to laugh even more.

_...wait, where's that coming from...  
_

"Don't," I pleaded. I shook my head, feeling the tears flicking off my cheeks into the nothingness surrounding me.

"She _thought_... she actually _thought_ I _wanted_ to kiss her!" The girls vicious laughter grew in volume at his words.

"No, please..."

_...it sounds like Bell's Walkman..._

"You're just a friend, Bella. Someone he puts up with," one of the blonds yelled.

"Why would he want you when he's got us," a brunette with pom-poms pointed at me.

_...oh, shit...  
_

"Stupid, naive, inexperienced Bella," he glowered.

A sob broke from me.

_...ow! dude, your knee's in my groin! what are you doing?!...  
_

"Did you really think you were anything special?"

"No," I whimpered, then repeated his words while softly crying.

_...have to turn it off...  
_

"That's right," the girls assented. "Good to know your place."

I looked down, and a rusted chain was coming out of my chest. I followed it across the blackness, only to see the other end fisted in Edward's hand.

_...can't reach it..._

He leered at me, the girls looking feral, then he pulled.

My heart ripped free from my chest and flew into his waiting hand. My torso lay open, shredded into visceral ribbons of flesh. I heard a blood-curdling scream, and matched it with one of my own.

I bolted straight up in my seat, feeling my headphones being yanked off my head. My hand flew to my chest, making sure everything was still intact. I could feel my heart beating wildly against my palm, and the sweat and tears rolling down my face.

"Jesus, kiddo! What the hell was that?" Mr. G looked shocked, gripping the steering wheel with white knuckles.

"Bell, you okay?" Emmett asked from the back seat. I tried to catch my breath and wiped my face. I could hear some uneasy laughter coming from everyone else in the van.

"You scared the crap out of us."

"No more scary movies for Bella!"

"I think I pissed myself!"

More laughter.

I turned around to answer Emmett, only to see Edward looking at me wide-eyed. His hand was grasping a black wire and I felt the contents of my stomach roil, remembering the chain from my dream. I blinked a few times to clear the memory, then noticed that my headphones were dangling from his fingers. His face was pale and he looked both horrified and apologetic.

I furrowed my brow in confusion.

"_The Subway Song_," he whispered. "I tried to turn off your Walkman."

I felt the anger suddenly bubble in my chest, snatching my headphones from him.

"Fucker," I growled, only loud enough for him and Emmett to hear.

"Dude, what the hell is _The Subway Song?_" I heard Emmett ask, as I fastened myself back into my seat, indignant and embarrassed as hell.

"Um, it's a song I put on that tape. It's about a girl getting stalked in the subway. She's afraid to turn around and there's this really long stretch of silence at the end and then, then she screams...freaks me out every time."

"Dude," Emmett sounded incredulous, "what kind of fucked up music do you guys listen to?"

"Language McCarty!" Mr. G warned. "But I agree, that's seriously messed up!"

If I wasn't so mortified, I would have laughed.

"I'm glad your sleeptalking at least gave me a heads up, Bella, otherwise I'd have swerved off the road," he continued.

I felt my face burn, hoping I'd misheard him.

"My...what?"

"You were talking in your sleep. Well, more like moaning and whimpering...," he looked at me, "and crying, I suppose. I was about to shake you awake. Wish I had. I think you nearly gave me a coronary!"

"Wh-what," I swallowed, "what did I say?"

"No, Freddy Krueger, you're just a dream!" Emmett cried in falsetto.

I couldn't breathe, otherwise I'd have told him to shut up.

"You said 'don't' and 'no, please,'" Emmett finished. "Hardly anything interesting, except for the end, with your name, but I couldn't make that out."

"My name?" I questioned, more to myself than anything. In that moment I was glad that I hadn't uttered _his_ name, but I couldn't figure out why on earth I would have said my own.

"Dude, you were leaning over trying to shut off her Walkman. Could you understand what she said?"

Edward was silent for too long. My ears started ringing and I could feel my skin growing cold. As much as I didn't want to, I could feel myself compelled to look at him while awaiting the impending horror of his words.

We locked eyes. He looked nearly as sick as I felt.

"You said, 'stupid, naive, inexperienced Bella'," he whispered, solemn. It was a ridiculously sharp contrast to the mocking version of him from my dream, but to actually hear him say it, to voice that painful realization...

I wanted to throw up.

_Oh God, I was gonna throw up!_

"Pull over," I managed to eek out, grabbing and shaking Mr. G's shoulder. He took one glance at my green face and practically stood on the brakes. I was unbuckled and flying out the door before we came to a full stop. Stumbling over rocks and through mesquite bushes, I hoped I covered enough distance to be out of earshot. I felt my throat spasm, and suddenly my ears were being squeezed into the center of my head. All sound cut off except for the ringing in my head and the rushed expulsion of viscous and solid matter. Each time I gulped a breath another wave would come, forcing tears from my eyes.

I lost count of how many times I heaved. I only know at some point Emmett had come to help me, Wet Naps in one hand and my hair in the other. I stayed leaning over, taking great big gulps of air and hoping I was finally done.

I doubt I'd ever want to drink another Coke as long as I lived.

I stood, still somewhat shaky, and gladly took a Wet Nap from Emmett. I wiped my face and mouth, glad I'd had enough coordination to keep my clothes and turtleneck out of harm's way.

_Always look on the bright side!_

I dug into my pockets, finding a tissue and blowing my nose, only to be horrified when something _substantial_ landed in my Kleenex.

_Wow, this just keeps getting better and better. Nothing screams 'fun' like a Happy Meal out your nose!_

"If I asked, would you bury me right here, please?" My voice was raspy. "Just let Charlie and Renee know where to put the marker. Maybe leave me some daisies from time to time?"

"Oh Bell, you're not the first person to ralph in the desert. It happens to all of us," he tried to cheer me up.

I looked at him and burst into tears.

"Geez Bell, it's okay," he hugged me, patting my back erratically. "Nothing some 7-Up and saltines can't fix, right?"

I just cried harder, too tired and beat to keep all my emotions in check. Emmett didn't say anything, just kept smacking me lightly between the shoulder blades in some awkward jock semblance of comfort.

"Where the hell is Edward, anyway? He's the dumbass that put that song on your tape. He should be out here on snot duty," he joked.

I think I may have actually wailed, my sobs coming much harder now.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Emmett said, worried. His patting became a little harder to compensate.

After a few minutes, my tears finally ebbed.

"I'm emotional, Emmett, not choking on a piece of steak." My voice was muffled by his broad chest. I was rewarded with a booming laugh.

"Point taken," he said, loosening his grip to get a good look at me. Then his expression turned serious.

"What the hell is going on, Bell?"

I took a deep breath, feeling every bit of exhaustion seep into my bones.

"I had a shitty weekend, Em. Beyond shitty," I sighed. "Later?" I asked.

"Promise?"

I sighed again, earning a reproachful glare.

"Alright, I promise, just...just don't push too hard, 'k?"

He nodded.

"And what about this?" He lifted my hand, inspecting my makeshift bandage.

"Um, door," I blushed. My response sounded more like a question than a statement.

He unwrapped it, since it was already soaked with tears, and took a good look at my bruised knuckles.

"Bullshit!" He tilted it gently from side to side, scrutinizing every angle. "Hmm, at least you remembered not to squeeze your thumb under your fingers, otherwise you'd have broken it."

My mouth dropped open.

"I'd love to see what the other guy looks like," he laughed. "C'mon Sugar Ray," he said, wiping my face with another Wet Nap while I stared dumbly at him, "let's get you home." He tucked me under his arm, supporting my weight as he walked me back to the van.

We must have been gone longer than I realized, because everyone was standing around, stretching and generally goofing off. Edward was standing by the door looking worried as hell.

I almost felt sorry for him.

Almost, but not quite.

The residual part of me that once thought of him as a friend wanted to tell him it was all going to be alright somehow. The overwhelmingly devastated part of me wanted Emmett to beat the shit out of him and bury what was left out in the desert. And that third, irrevocable part that belonged to him, begged to be scooped up in his arms and have him murmur words of comfort into my ear and hold me all the way home.

I hated that part.

I hated that he ever made me feel that way.

I hated that I knew what it felt like to kiss him, and would never feel it again.

I glared at him and he practically withered. I'd be lying if I said that didn't bring me a certain sense of satisfaction. I climbed back into my seat, forgetting about my Walkman and leery about even looking at that fizzy brown drink of doom in the cupholder.

"Okay guys, let's see if we can't catch up to the other van," Mr. G joked once everyone was back in the van. I could hear the grinding of the spinning wheels on the desert floor until we gained the traction of the I-17 once again.

I stared straight ahead, feeling oddly calm and vacant, until almost an hour later when it became my turn to get dropped off. Emmett tossed around the remaining student's luggage to dig mine out from the bottom, then carried my bags to the apartment door.

"Thanks again, Em. You're a lifesaver."

"Anytime," he kissed my forehead. "Get some rest. I know I said you looked like hell this morning, so thanks for proving me wrong," he gave me a quick up and down glance, raising an eyebrow.

I narrowed my eyes at him, then expended the energy to flip him the bird with my left hand.

"That's my girl!" He grinned at me before turning to go. "And don't forget your promise! You best be making good on it!"

"Great," I muttered, watching him climb back into the van and taking up shotgun. A sullen looking Edward stayed in the back, chin tucked into his chest, eyes fixed on the floor.

I fished out my key, unlocked the door, then kicked my bags into the living room. Mom appeared to be out and about, which was a blessing, so I fished out my toothbrush from my bag and headed for the bathroom. Even with brushed teeth, I still felt fifteen shades of gross. I decided on a quick shower, two more Tylenol, and my blessedly glorious bed.

I was asleep before my head hit the pillow.

* * *

**A/N - Falling asleep with a tape that has _The Subway Song_ on it is a mistake you only make once. Feel free to guess how I know that.**


	3. I Don't Like Mondays

_So glad you guys didn't think chapter two was crap. Thank you for all the amazing reviews. And to those lurkers out there, yeah, I do the same thing. I can hardly fault your reticence. _

_Thanks to Kay Cannon for taking me under her magnificent beta wing and Amethyst Jackson for the love and encouragement - H/Hr forever AJ!_

_This is dedicated to anyone who has been forced to play Electric Fence. God bless you!_

_

* * *

_

**Chapter 3 - I Don't Like Mondays**

I had gotten home around 4pm on Sunday and fallen into a comatose state shortly thereafter. I woke up at 10pm with my mouth and throat damn near devoid of moisture; like an idiot, I didn't think to rehydrate after my embarrassing adventure in the desert. Now I had a pounding in my temple that felt like someone was driving a railroad stake through my head. To my delight, it throbbed in time with my hand.

With great care, I managed to roll out of bed and brace myself against the wall until I felt steady on both legs. I shuffled to the kitchen, thankful to find that Mom had been shopping and now there was a two liter bottle of 7-Up in the pantry. I filled a glass with ice before pouring myself a drink and popping in two more Tylenol.

"Sweetie, you're up?" my Mom called from the living room. I could hear her coming towards the kitchen. "I thought for sure you'd be out for the rest of the night. How was your convention?"

I sipped some more 7-Up over the sink before putting my glass down and turning around.

"Oh honey, what happened?" she asked. Then she took one look at me before wrapping me in a hug.

"Nothing, Mom, I'm fine," I muttered into her shoulder.

"You are not _fine,_ Bella!" She smoothed my hair down, repeatedly. It was a simple gesture, but so calming that I sighed into her embrace. "What happened?"

"I just had a bad weekend, that's all. And I'm not feeling too well." She pulled back to look at me, tucking my hair behind my ear. Suddenly, she stopped, her eyes growing wide.

"Well, it doesn't look like it was _all_ bad. Is there something you want to tell me?" she smiled. I cocked my head to the side, puzzled.

"I know you're especially clumsy, honey - you get that from me – but unless you somehow managed to punch yourself in the neck with a pencil in each hand, I think something fairly decent happened this weekend."

I immediately covered my throat, having forgotten the hickeys were there.

"Oh, that," I replied, feeling the creeping blush in my cheeks.

"Yes, _that_," she teased, waiting for my response.

"Well, um," I hesitated, not certain of what or how much to say, "there was this guy I met. A really nice….gave me his number," I started.

"Looks like you got a little more than his number," she joked.

"Mo-om!"

"I'm sorry, go on."

"This isn't - I mean - these, um…these aren't from him," I stammered.

"Oh," her eyes grew wide, again.

"There's, um… There's this boy that I know, um, from student council…" I tried to be vague. I wasn't entirely sure why, but the fact that Mom actually knew him just added to the humiliation. Hopefully she would think he went to another school. "I've kinda liked him for awhile now, and, well, he finally kissed me. Like, _really_ kissed me, and it was wonderful." I could already feel the tears in my eyes. "But then, it wasn't. He was a real jerk afterwards. I mean, not like, all grabby and stuff, but just...just really mean."

"What did he do?"

I was rubbing my eyes with the heel of my hand, trying to stem the flow of tears.

"He told me he just kissed me as a favor, 'cause I told him I hadn't been kissed before; like it didn't mean anything at all."

She hugged me again. "Oh, honey, I'm so sorry."

"So, I punched him in the jaw," I mumbled, while sniffling into her shoulder.

"Good for you!" she laughed, hugging me tighter. Then she pulled back, looking me straight in the eyes. "Listen to me, Bella," she said, cupping my cheeks and wiping my tears, "you are a beautiful and intelligent young woman, and I am so very proud of you. You deserve the absolute best, you hear me? Don't ever take that kind of shit from any man. I don't care who it is."

I nodded, trying to believe her.

"Not all guys are jerks, Bella. I know it's hard to believe, but it's true." She smiled. "I know it hurts right now, but it won't always. I promise. And hopefully, this prick - whoever he is - will realize how stupid he was to let you get away."

I couldn't help but laugh.

"C'mon, you want me to fix you something a little stronger? Hot chocolate and marshmallows, maybe?"

I nodded.

"Not much in the world that chocolate can't fix," she said, reaching into the pantry for the box of Swiss Miss. "I even sprung for real marshmallows! Nothing but the best for us girls."

"Mom, could you maybe do me a favor?"

"Of course, sweetie. What is it?"

"Um, I bought this makeup, you know, to cover these," I pointed to my neck, "but, um, I don't really know how to put it on the right way."

"Isabella Marie," she gasped, "how I've prayed for the day you'd finally ask me for makeup advice!"

"Very funny," I deadpanned.

"Don't suppose I could talk you into some mascara while we're at it?"

"No, Mom! You know I don't like makeup!"

"I know, but a girl can dream, can't she?" She sighed.

"Ha ha!"

"Oh, honey, it's not like you even really need it. But, you'd be amazed what a little bit of mascara and gloss can do for your natural beauty."

"I'll take my chances, Mom, but thanks."

After some hot chocolate, meaningless girl talk, and a quick tutorial on proper hickey cover-up, I finally went back to bed.

#~#~#

I'd dreamt about it again, but not in a bad way. There was no nightmare posse of cheerleaders; no rusty chain and bleeding heart. This time there were only the good parts. I could feel the undeniable magnetic pull between us, the sparks that ignited when his lips touched mine. I could feel that perfect thread of energy pulling through me when his mouth gently sucked my neck, and the way I thought I'd combust when I felt his hand graze my breast.

My eyes fluttered open, and I was still wrapped in the warm and rosy glow of after-sleep and arousal. I squeezed my thighs together, feeling that indescribable, giddy clench of muscles that made me want more. I sighed, remembering the way he moaned into my ear, deep and breathy, when I'd kissed his neck.

And then my clock radio went off, squelching with the KZZP morning show. I rolled over, turning the volume down slightly but leaving it on; afraid I'd fall asleep again. I lay there with my eyes closed for another moment, not wanting the memory to slip away.

The radio played its typical morning opening prior to segueing into the raining piano strains of the Boomtown Rats. Bob Geldof sang the opening lines before hitting the chorus.

"_Tell me why I don't like Mondays. I wanna shoo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oooot the whole day down."_

Oh God, it was Monday.

I could do this. I could face him. Admittedly, it would be all too easy to tell Mom I was still feeling sick. I was sure she'd let me stay home, but that would just delay the inevitable. I wanted to believe the hardest part was over. I'd made it home yesterday, cooped up for hours on end in the same van. Even with my less-than-impressive display, I'd gotten through it. At least at school there'd be more distractions.

'_The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step,'_ I thought, summoning up some Confuscius to start my week. My first step took me straight into the bathroom, my morning routine, and the judicious spot-and-blend application of concealer to my neck.

I reached into the dish on my vanity that held my bus tokens, then remembered I'd have to take two today. I'd probably be taking two from now on, come to think of it. One of the little things I'd lose along with our friendship would be the free rides home. It was a small price to pay, really, but another painful little reminder all the same.

All too soon, I was on the bus, then off the bus, then crossing the campus.

_I can do this, I can do this__,_ I chanted in my head.

My stomach was in knots, but I refused to let it get to me. I walked into English class and took my seat. Once I had established friends at this school and felt comfortable talking in classes, I had given up my need for a front row seat. Today, I was seriously regretting that decision.

We didn't really have assigned seats, but everyone pretty much sat in the same place on a daily basis. It wasn't like I could switch seats without being completely obvious. It was strange to think that just a few days ago I was happy that Edward sat right across the row from me.

Now I felt nothing but dread.

I hung my backpack over my chair, pulled out my copy of _The Stand_, and tried to lose myself in Stephen King until the bell rang.

Unfortunately, my innate _Edward radar _was still completely functional. I could feel the writhing knots in my stomach when he came into the room, and my arms broke out in goosepimples when he sat down. I refused to look at him, and thankfully he didn't try to talk to me.

Soon enough, the bell rang and Mr. Berty began with attendance.

"Here," I heard Edward respond when his name was called. I didn't realize how sad and tired one word could sound.

I didn't care.

I didn't _want_ to care.

I did my best to focus on the lecture and the reading assignment throughout the class. The minutes ticked by, but the more I concentrated on my actual schoolwork, the stronger I felt. When we were given the last few minutes of class to chat and collect our things, I simply pulled my book out again.

Poor Nadine was cruising to her doom on a Vespa through the desert when I heard his voice.

"Bella?"

In that split second, it felt like a dozen things happened. I was pulled from the safety of my book into the harsh reality of my life. The eggshell-thin armor I had built cracked immediately, and I could feel that gaping hole between my ribs pull wind like a sucking chest wound. I had to fight like hell to suppress a sob and my nose prickled with the threat of tears.

_So much for being 'fine'._

One word - that's all it took for him to reduce me to an absolute wreck. I drew in a deep and shaky breath, trying to calm down. I could see my fingers, splayed and trembling in the pages of my paperback. I closed the book and clutched it tightly in my hands before turning my head in his direction.

"What part of _leave me the fuck alone_ did you not understand," I hissed, before fixing him with a glare. I could see him visibly flinch; his expression was both shocked and hurt. I turned away from him, quickly grabbing my backpack and thankfully reaching the doorway just as the bell rang. It took me a couple of minutes to completely blink away the tears that were begging to streak down my face. I'm not certain how but, by the time I reached trig, I was alright again.

_Three more classes,_ I thought. _I only have three more classes with him to get through._ I never would have thought I'd consider trigonometry a reprieve from my problems, but it gave me the time to prepare myself for the rest of my day. Spanish was next, but we were seated alphabetically in that class.

_Thank God for the four row divide between C and S!_

We usually walked together from Spanish to student council, but Emmett was in that class, and somehow I was certain that Edward was more than happy to keep our little falling out just between us. That would be the hardest class to get through. With everyone on burnout from the convention, I'm sure that Mr. G didn't have anything remotely taxing planned out for us. Lunch would be easy, as I could sneak off to the library or computer lab without raising too many questions. History also had Emmett in it, and I would cling to that big teddy bear like a life preserver, if need be, until seventh period chemistry.

_Three more classes._ I sighed, dreading the bell.

I made a quick stop in the bathroom on the way to Spanish class, splashing water on my face and making sure not to wash away my cover-up. I dabbed at my cheeks with a paper towel and passed two girls on my way out.

"I wish this week was over already," one said to the other.

_You and me both, sister!_

Spanish was blessedly uneventful, and I blew out of the room and practically sprinted to student council once the bell rang. I only managed to trip once, but caught my balance before sprawling into the hallway and becoming teenage road kill.

"Hells, Bell! You're looking a lot better today," Emmett greeted me.

"Oh please, the walking dead would look better than I did yesterday." I sighed, throwing my backpack on the desk before flopping into my chair. I put my head down, not looking forward to the next hour.

"Hey guys, everyone up. Shove the desks out of the way. We're doing team building today!" Mr. G's statement was greeted with enthusiasm, as team building was pretty much code for play time. The slew of team building exercises we'd done before seemed more like summer camp games, and I hoped that it would take my mind off of things.

Edward arrived just as we'd cleared the floor. He threw his bag in the back corner and I couldn't help but spare a glance at him. He was wearing a green turtleneck and, by the looks of things, I'd guess that Alice had worked her magic on him. I doubt anyone would notice, but I could see the faint difference in skin tone along his jaw. I don't know what kind of makeup she used, but his bruising was almost invisible.

_Damn, I wonder how much damage I did,_ I thought, disappointed that I never got to see just how big a bruise I left.

Nice to see this situation had really brought out my maternal side.

"Alright, everyone into classes. We're gonna get some friendly class competition going here!" Mr G. rubbed his hands together with a mischievous glint in his eye. "Tyler, Eric, go get the two ladders and the spirit pole.

There were groans from the upper classmen, myself included.

"You're trying to kill me, aren't you Mr. G?" I joked, given our conversation the day before about my lack of coordination.

"Oh Bella, you wound me! Besides, I'm sure your classmates will take ample care of you."

"C'mon Bell, you know I'll catch you. We got this thing down to a science!" Emmett threw his arm around me in response.

I sighed, in resignation, seeing Tyler and Eric setup the ladders and duct taping our school spirit pole along the tops. They formed a perfect little frame, each ladder reaching six feet high with the pole bridging the seven foot gap between them.

"As I'm sure you've all heard by now, our delegation knocked them dead this weekend and snagged next year's convention away from Tucson and Tempe!" An enthusiastic cheer rose from the whole group, myself included. "And as I'm sure you all know, being able to pull off such a feat - both by our performance this weekend and what we'll have to do next year - requires an unprecedented amount of teamwork. That's why we're breaking out the team builders today. Not the ice breakers, but the real hardcore stuff. This is not a _Do You Like Your Neighbor_ kind of day. Nope, we're bringing out the big guns!" He clapped his hands and then frantically rubbed them together. All he needed was a white cat and he'd look like a Bond villain. "We're gonna start our Monday off with a little Electric Fence!"

I hated Electric Fence - despised it, actually. I shared a knowing look with Rebecca, the senior class vice-president. While I detested this activity because of my severe lack of motor skills, she couldn't stand it because it always brought attention to her weight. Even though she was popular and fairly well-liked, it didn't change the fact that she was easily 180lbs. This one particular team builder had a way of playing upon both our insecurities.

She stuck her finger in her mouth, making a gagging motion. I pantomimed myself in a noose.

"For those of you not familiar," Mr. G explained, "the rules of the game are simple. Get your team from one side of the fence to the other without touching the pole going across the top.

"We're gonna do some time trails and see which class can do it the fastest, and the _safest_, people! Just to cut my underclassmen and first years a break, we're gonna go oldest to newest, just so you can see how it's done. Student body officers, you're up, then the seniors, juniors and so on. Chop, chop!" He clapped his hands, again, and pulled out his stopwatch. We watched the seven student body officers line up on one side of the 'fence' and they started nodding and pointing at one another, figuring out a plan of attack.

"Go!"

With almost fluid grace, they vaulted Tyler, their biggest guy, over the fence. Getting that first player over was usually the second hardest part of the exercise. Soon enough the guys were lifting the three girls over the pole to Tyler, who helped them over one by one. Then it was a group effort as the two remaining guys lifted the third over, and the team body surfed him across the divide. The second to last guy put his foot in the interlocked hands of his remaining teammate and hoisted himself over which left Mike, the last player, on one side.

This was the hardest part.

He backed up a ways, then took a running jump at the pole. If he could manage to get his torso high enough, the other guys could grab and lift him the rest of the way.

It was a smart thing leaving Mike for last. He was on the track and field team and held the current school record for the high jump. He barely needed a steadying hand as he cleared the pole.

"Alright people, that's how it's done!" We heard the clicking of the stopwatch. "Not bad. Two minutes flat. That's the record to beat. Seniors, let's see what you've got!"

The senior class officers repeated the exercise, but not nearly as quickly. I felt a ridiculous amount of sympathy when Rebecca got vaulted and body surfed over. The team wasn't nearly as graceful getting her feet back on the ground, either underestimating her weight or underestimating how much support they each needed to offer. She made it over the pole easily enough, but was nearly dropped on the other side. Ever the trooper, she immediately righted herself and jumped back in to help the next person across.

"Two twenty! Second place for the seniors. Juniors, you're up!"

We took our places in front of the class, already knowing that Emmett was going to be the first one over. He was easily the biggest and strongest one of our bunch. As soon as our time began Edward and Eric - the Half-a-Bee – each knelt and locked hands for each of Emmett's feet while Ben spotted his torso. The guys pushed up and Em jumped and landed with an impressive and graceful thud on the other side. Edward was the second strongest of our group, so he vaulted the other two guys over. We seemed to be moving at a fair clip - I could see us being the team to beat. Angela went next, which left only me.

At least it would be quick and I wouldn't have to talk to him.

I stepped up and placed my foot into his hands, then made the mistake of looking at him. Our eyes locked and just seeing him like that, knelt before me and looking so earnest and repentant—it made me wish I could forget everything and just go back to what we had. It had been far from uncomplicated and, yes, it was nothing but suppressed pain to some degree on a daily basis, but at least I still had our friendship. I had the one thing I knew I was _capable_ of having with him.

Now I had nothing.

I leaned forward to place my hands on his shoulders, steadying myself for the vault. As soon as my palms touched him, it all became one massively embarrassing blur.

Our gazes were still fixed when I felt it – as soon as we touched it was like a circuit connecting. Exquisite energy sparked between my hands and his shoulders and I could feel my skin tingle everywhere. I gasped in surprise, not only because of what I felt, but because at that same instant his eyes grew wide, as if he felt it too.

Desperate to break the connection, I used too much enthusiasm to spring into the jump. Unfortunately, Edward seemed to be just as frantic as I was and overcompensated the amount of energy he used to vault me forward. Off balance, I was thrown at an outward angle, and I heard the click of his jaw as my foot connected with his chin.

He fell backwards, the second time in as many days that I somehow managed to knock him flat on his ass. I was worse off, as I flew up and my head and shoulders connected with the spirit pole, knocking over one of the ladders in the process. Luckily, Emmett managed to catch me. Then we both joined the gathering crowd to see how Edward was.

"Oh shit, Edward! Are you okay?" I asked with a shaky breath, forgetting that I wasn't talking to him.

"I think so," he groaned, pushing himself off the floor. He stood up and turned to face us, rubbing his chin. "You okay?" he asked, looking concerned.

But I could barely hear him, my ears were ringing too loudly.

Blood.

On his teeth, on his lips, running down his chin, dripping onto his turtleneck.

"Emmett!" he yelled, and I could feel Em catch me once again as I fainted.

#~#~#

"Hey there, Bell, you with us?"

I struggled to open my eyes, and then blinked them rapidly as I remembered what had happened. I took a tentative sniff of the air, glad to note that the rusted smell was completely gone. Judging from where everyone was standing, I couldn't have been out for more than a minute.

"I have to say, between the puking and the fainting, I'll take the fainting any day," Emmett joked.

"Gee, thanks," I groaned, then looked around the room. "Is he okay?" I whispered.

"Yeah, Garrett sent him out to clean up. I think it was just a cut on the lip - tiny thing, but big bleeder."

"You sure you're okay, Bella?" Angela asked.

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine. This isn't nearly as bad as yesterday."

"Yesterday?"

"Bell had a little _incident_ on the drive home," Emmett answered.

"Oh?"

"BLEARGH!" Emmett dramatized.

"Eww!"

"And you know how much I love being the center of attention," I told Angela.

"Oh Bella," she laughed, throwing an arm around me, "it could have been worse. I mean, it's not like you farted in class or something."

"Hey," Emmett defended, "that was one time!"

"Yeah, this year," I teased.

"Fine, see if I catch you next time, Swooning Swan!"

"Please, don't call me that," I moaned.

Edward walked back into the room, wearing a leftover sweatshirt from our student council homecoming fundraiser. His turtleneck was draped over his shoulders like a scarf, his face scrubbed clean. He joined the rest of us in the corner of the room while the class resumed playing a slightly more cautious round of Electric Fence.

He sat down on the floor next to me and I bristled.

"You okay? I'm sorry. I didn't mean to throw you like that," he apologized.

"Fine. Sorry I kicked you," I replied tersely.

"S'okay," he mumbled.

"Wow, that bruised fast!" Angela exclaimed. I couldn't help but look over at him. His lip was swollen, but it didn't look too bad. However, I could see where I had punched him. He must have forgotten about the makeup when he cleaned up. It wasn't a large mark, but I could make out the impression of two of my knuckles separated by thin white lines in the darkened greenish-yellow skin.

I had to admit, I was a little disappointed.

His fingers drifted to his jaw.

"I, um, bruise pretty easily."

I couldn't help it, a bubble of laughter choked out of me.

Edward turned to look at me, a smirk on his face.

"Alice does pretty good work," I scoffed, nodding towards his jaw. I couldn't resist the twinge of satisfaction I got from goading him.

He narrowed his eyes, still smirking, then looked at my neck.

"So does your mom."

My face flamed red, eyes widening, and I snapped my head forward.

_Fucker! _

"Ew, Edward. There's still blood on this," Angela said, referring to Edward's turtleneck.

"I tried to rinse it out. I figure my Mom can take care of it when I get home."

"No, not with blood. You have to get it out immediately, otherwise you end up with a dust rag. Here, let me take it over to Miss Irina in Home Ec." She quickly pulled it from his shoulders.

"No, that's okay, really," Edward protested, but he wasn't quick enough. Angela was already on her way to grab a hall pass and head out the door with the offending garment.

"Dude! What. Is. _That!?"_ Half-a-Bee sputtered, and then nudged Ben, while pointing at Edward.

"What's what?" Emmett looked at the two of them. Then he followed Eric's pointing hand. I couldn't help but look as well. Edward actually blushed and he immediately clapped his hand on his neck.

"Aw, don't be like that, Eddie. Share with the rest of the class," Emmett teased. Eric and Ben continued to giggle, like school girls. "It's not like you can walk around the rest of the day like that."

"Dude, he got attacked by a mynock!" Half-a-Bee blurted out, and I immediately pictured the offending creature from _The_ _Empire Strikes Back_.

A mynock? Those flying things that attach to the Falcon?

Those flying things that attach and _suck_ on the Falcon!

Oh no!

Oh no, no, _NO!_

"Eddie, don't make me pry that pretty little hand off your pretty little neck!"

Edward sighed, knowing Emmett was right. There was no way he'd be able to walk around covering his throat the rest of the day. Slowly, he lowered his hand.

I gasped. I couldn't help it. Remembering those gross creatures sucking on the glass and how they freaked out Princess Leia... yeah, it actually _did_ look like he'd been attacked by a mynock!

The two marks I had were child's play compared to what was on Edward's neck. It was easily the size of a silver dollar, if not larger. I didn't even realize my mouth could open that wide and still maintain a vacuum seal on his skin. I remembered almost passing out because I'd been sucking so hard. It never occurred to me that I'd left that kind of evidence behind.

The jaw was nothing. This mark—_this_ was something to be proud of!

You know, if you're in to being completely horrified with yourself.

"Holy shit!" Emmett boomed. He tried to keep his voice to a loud whisper, so we wouldn't disturb the rest of the class. Luckily they were paying attention to the other teams, still playing. "Is that for real, or did Alice attack you with the vacuum in the middle of the night?"

"Very funny," Edward responded, rolling his eyes.

"Dude, you the man!" Half-a-Bee said in awe.

"Imagine what the chick must look like," Ben replied. "Please, tell me she was totally hot."

"Please tell me she didn't just suck on your _neck!"_

"Eric, you're a pig," I spat. I was thoroughly pissed and white as a sheet, horrified to think that they were talking about _me_ like that, whether they knew it or not.

Talking like I was just another one of the big bimbo brigade.

Stupid, naive, inexperienced Bella!

_Fuck!_

Emmett shot me a sympathetic glance, completely misinterpreting my anger and horror for the same type of freak-out I'd had over Thanksgiving.

"Guys, there's a lady present," Emmett warned.

"What? Swan's no lady," Eric teased.

"You won't think so when I rip your balls off and shove them down your throat!" I snapped back.

"Fuck, Swan," he squeaked.

"And if I hear one crack about PMS, swear to God, I will knock you on your ass!" I stood up, towering over the four of them. They all looked at me with wide eyes, jaws practically on the floor.

"I'm going to lunch!" I growled, grabbing my backpack and storming out the door.

I marched across the quad, cutting my way through the fourth period lunch crowd as I headed toward the library.

I wasn't sure what I was more pissed off about—the fact that they so callously made assumptions about what had happened between Edward and the mystery girl (which, if I was being completely honest, I would have _also_ assumed)—or the fact that I probably would have done a _lot_ more with Edward if I'd been given the chance.

I stopped in my tracks.

God, how far _would_ I have gone?

I'd let him practically get to second base within seconds of that first kiss. We'd escalated pretty damn fast from a kiss, to kissing, to making out, to full on groping. My damn hormones were on a geometric progression when it came to him.

But what if he _hadn't_ stopped us?

I flushed, imagining how much longer, how much _more,_ there could have been—and damned if I didn't have a _very_ detailed imagination.

I would like to think I would have stopped well before my virginity came into question. I mean sure, I was a hormone-riddled teenager, and it was _Edward_ after all, but I wasn't stupid enough to risk being the Katy Browning of 1989.

But there was a whole hell of a lot that fell between kissing and actual penetration.

Would I have let him go under my bra? Take _off_ my bra?

Go below the waist?

I gripped my backpack tighter, excited and slightly scandalized.

I vaguely remembered not touching much of him, but I did get in one ridiculously firm squeeze of his ass... that remarkably _squeezable_ ass of his.

_Charmin's got nothing on those cheeks. _

I couldn't help but sigh just thinking about it.

What more would I have done _to_ him, if I'd had the opportunity? Would I have become like any one of those nameless girls I had ragged on? An easy mark who'd drop to her knees and suck away?

_Gah!_

I just could NOT go there!

Still, I had to admit that I had been completely overwhelmed with the newness of it all. I don't think I could have formed a rational thought, much less have stepped away from what was happening.

And yet, it was all too easy for _him_ to stop! No big deal, just another fucking day!

_Stupid, naive, inexperienced Bella!_

I was going to have that put on my gravestone, or possibly tattooed on my forehead.

I huffed my way into the library just as the bell rang between fourth and fifth period. At least I'd have the entire lunch period to sit and calm down before facing him and any of the myriad comments that would follow. I took a seat as far away from the librarian as possible. Food was an absolute no-no in here, so I was careful to remain stealthy while nibbling on my granola bar. If I had been a more diabolical genius I'd have picked something quieter to eat, but our pantry was lacking in snack items that equaled both decent nutrition and silent consumption.

I'm sure my reaction in the student council room must have raised some questions. I hardly ever raised my voice, let alone threatened to hit someone. I could only imagine what the guys must have thought once I left the room.

Given the truth, maybe it wouldn't be so bad if they blamed PMS.

I tried to focus on my book again but it was no use. My mind was adrift as things I didn't want to think about churned in my head and I steadfastly avoided them.

All too soon, the bell rang. With a heavy sigh, I slung my bag over my shoulder and headed off to history.

_One more class. One more class._

The library was in the same building as our history classroom, so I was the first one to arrive. I wasn't thinking too kindly on whichever genius decided that trapezoid tables were the optimal seating arrangement for this class. Three people to a table, and I fully intended to have Emmett as my buffer. I headed to the far back corner and grabbed a chair on the furthest end of the table. Within a couple of minutes, I saw Emmett come through the door and head towards me.

"Me and my balls come in peace," he joked, covering his crotch.

I snorted.

"Please Em, everyone knows the steroids shrunk those things to raisins."

"Quite the opposite, in fact. I have to wear support hose just so I can keep my balance. Between that and the wire frame for Not-So-Little-Emmet, I have to practically get naked just to take a piss."

I couldn't help but giggle. Even at my lowest, Emmett always knew how to make me laugh.

"That's more like it, Bell. I'm so glad the mere description of my impressive equipment could bring you joy!"

"Yes, it totally deserves, like, the Nobel Peace Prize or something." I smiled.

"Hey, I'm not asking for much. I mean, at the very least, he deserves an ambassadorship," he offered.

"Who deserves an ambassadorship?" Edward sat down on Emmett's other side. I immediately tensed.

"My junk, of course," Emmett stated proudly. "For bringing nothing but smiles and joy to women around the world!"

"Ri-ight! Women like who?" Edward laughed.

"Women like our little Bell here." He threw his arm around me, squeezing me into his side. I stayed tense, trying not to look in Edward's direction. "Isn't that right, my little Swooning Swan?" he cooed.

I was about to tell him to stop calling me that, but I didn't even get a chance to open my mouth.

"_WHAT!?"_

We looked at Edward, stunned. He'd practically shouted at us and his face was nearly ashen—his eyes wide as saucers.

Emmett roared with that big booming laugh that I absolutely adored, though I couldn't figure out for the life of me what was so funny.

"I was just brokering a peace treaty for my family jewels before sitting next to _Bella Ball Ripper_ here."

I smacked him playfully before he let me go.

"Besides, she had a rough weekend. She could use a smile or two." He leaned over and pulled out his notebook, as class was getting ready to start. I could feel Edward's gaze burning into my right cheek over Emmett's shoulders.

"Sure, rough weekend," he agreed.

"I mean, did you see this?" he grabbed my wrist and wouldn't let go when I tried to pull it away. "Ten bucks says we either missed an awesome girl fight or some douchebag getting knocked in the dirt."

"Your hand," Edward breathed, miserably.

"It's nothing," I mumbled, yanking my wrist free from Emmett's grasp. "I told you Em, it was a stupid door."

"Aw, that's so cute," he sing-songed back and playfully pinched my cheek. "Little Bell's telling tall tales."

My face burned red.

"If you only knew the power of my bullshit detector!" he mocked, brandishing his fist like Darth Vader.

I folded my arms on the table, throwing my head into the safety of their cocoon.

"I vote for douchebag."

My ears perked up at Edward's voice, but I kept my head tucked safely down.

"Douchebag?" Emmett questioned.

"Oh yeah, total douchebag—a real prick, no doubt. She would never hit anyone who didn't deserve it. The guy must have been a complete and utter asshole." I could hear the veiled apology in his voice and my eyes began to prickle.

Dammit! I would _not_ cry! Not again!

But I wouldn't run either. I'd already had more than my allotted share of dramatic exits for the day. I took a deep breath and sat up straight, feeling that twinge of anger rise up again.

"What can I say? Some guys just don't know when to back the fuck _off,_" I hissed, keeping my voice low enough for just our table.

"Fuck Bell, this isn't about that Indian dude, is it? I'll break his fuckin' face!"

"What?" I turned to Emmett, completely caught off guard.

"What did he do to you?" he growled.

"Oh shit, Emmett, nothing! I swear! This isn't about him," I squeaked, trying to calm him down. Several students were already looking in our direction.

"Seriously Bell? I saw the way he was looking at you. Don't lie to me!" He looked furious.

"Swear! Honest, Em. I promise!" I couldn't help but see Edward behind him. He looked a bit terrified, and I didn't know if it was because he was frightened by the intensity of Emmett's reaction, or what would happen if Emmett found out that Edward was, in fact, the aforementioned douchebag.

"You mean to tell me there was some _other_ guy trying to play grab-ass with you?!"

Oh geez, this was _not_ helping! Where the hell was our teacher anyway?

"Emmett," I pleaded, "not here, okay? You promised not to push?"

"C'mon man, it's Bella," Edward put his hand on Emmett's back, "she can take care of herself."

"How can _you_ be so calm about this shit?" he asked, almost accusing.

We locked eyes over Emmett's shoulder.

"I've seen her right hook. Trust me, it's...devastating."

He tried to hold my stare, but I looked away. Just the tone of his voice had me wavering in my resolve, yet again. He was tugging at that part of me that I hated - the pushover in me that wanted to be his sidekick.

Finally, Mr. Robinson walked into the room, apologizing to the class for his tardiness. I was thankful for the reprieve.

It was easily the most uncomfortable history class I'd ever had. I sat there feeling like my entire skin was covered in static electricity and I was simply waiting for someone to deliver the inevitable and painful zap. I didn't know if it was going to come in the form of another question from Emmett, or another apology or mere attempt at communication from Edward. My nerves were already raw enough as it was, and sitting in morbid anticipation throughout the class was not helping in the least.

However, Emmett remained true to his word and didn't push. Meanwhile, Edward, whether taking pity on me or in a mere act of self preservation, also managed to keep his mouth shut.

I was quite relieved when the bell finally rang.

"Later," Emmett waved to Edward, as we headed towards chemistry.

"Later," he responded, watching us leave. "Bye Bella."

I don't know why, but that did it. Hearing the soft defeat in his voice finally brought forth the tears I'd been holding in all day. I blinked them away as quickly as I could, grateful that Emmett was walking ahead of me. I didn't know if it was some twinge of guilt that had finally made me crack, or just the sheer relief of having survived our last class of the day together. Regardless, I managed to maintain some control over it, and unless someone was paying specific attention, you wouldn't even know that I was crying at all.

I ducked into the girl's bathroom right before we got to class, needing to splash water on my face, once again, to get my wits about me. It had been a long day and it was only inevitable that my coordination would hold out so long. I cupped the water in my hands, throwing it repeatedly on my face. Unfortunately I stood up too quickly, causing water to drip all over my neck and the front of my shirt.

"Aw crap!" I swore, just as the bell rang. "Crap, crap, crap!"

I grabbed a handful of the brown sandpaper that our school passed off as paper towels and scrubbed myself dry. I took another bunch and pressed it into the collar of my shirt, trying to dab up the wet spots. Resisting the urge to tuck a bunch of them in like a bib, I finished up as best as I could and ran to beat the second bell.

"Cutting it close the bell, Bell," Emmett smiled. I hung my backpack on the chair and rifled through it to find my chem notebook. I also unzipped the outer pocket to grab a pencil before sitting down. Slapping my items on the lab bench, I plopped down in my seat.

Emmett was still looking at me, his face frozen in a bizarre rictus of his usual jovial grin.

"What? What is it?" I asked, slowly. "Aw crap, can you see through my shirt?!" I looked down, trying to see if I'd gotten it wet anywhere that could be considered compromising. I brushed the front of my shirt as if my hands suddenly had some magical drying power.

"Naw, um, I mean no, it's fine. You're fine," he choked out.

I gave him a questioning look. Something was off.

"No wet t-shirt contests for you. It just looks like you spit up on yourself," he teased, seeming to recover.

"Yeah, this rack won't be bringing in any money soon, wet or otherwise," I shot back.

I flipped through my notebook to find a clean page to start taking notes on while Emmett did the same. We had a lecture today on exothermic versus endothermic reactions, and the time flew by, as we struggled to keep up. Soon enough, the last bell of the day rang and I gladly packed my things.

"Aren't you coming?" Emmett asked, as he headed out the door. Usually this was where we'd hunt down Edward together and bum a ride home.

"No, um, actually I promised Half-a-Bee a rematch for my board position," I remembered, glad that I didn't have to lie. "Figured I'd best do it now, you know, while he still thinks of me as _Bella Ball Ripper!_" I gestured with air quotes and grinned. "I'll just catch the bus. See you tomorrow." I waved.

Emmett narrowed his eyes at me, and then shook his head.

"Tomorrow," he said, deliberately, and we both knew what that one word meant.

"Tomorrow," I sighed, nodding my head.

_Yes, Em, I promise. I'll spill all of my embarrassing secrets to you tomorrow._

I grabbed my things and ran off to the general science room that hosted Chess Club. At the far end of the hall I could see Emmett and Edward turning towards the stairs.

Sure enough, when I arrived, a thoroughly cautious looking Eric was waiting for me. I smiled, trying to intimidate him further. With all the turmoil going on in my life, it felt good to assert the bitch in me and command this one moment. I may not have control over anything else but, at the very least, I could scare one of my friends and kick his ass in chess.

It's the little things, really.

In less than an hour I had beaten him in two back to back games. I had to admit, despite the intimidation factor I was feeling fairly pleased with myself. Given all the crap I'd had to go through today, it was nice to end it on a high note.

I walked through the mostly deserted parking lot, across the street and to the bus stop. My trusty Walkman and the B-52s kept me in a decent mood on the ride home.

I threw myself down on the couch once I got through the door, just letting the relief of the end of the day settle over me.

I'd made it. For all intents and purposes, Monday was over, and I'd only sort of cried once - maybe once-and-a-half.

_Tomorrow will be easier,_ I thought. _Just the tiniest bit, but it will be._

I sat up, spying my luggage from the weekend still discarded by the door. Pulling myself up off the couch, I decided I should put my stuff away and do my dirty laundry before it got too rank. I heaved the bags into my room and began sorting the laundry from the toiletries to the paraphernalia.

Shoved in the side pocket of my duffel bag was my convention program. _AASC State Convention 1989 - One Step Beyond_ was pressed in gold lettering on the cover, along with a graphic of footprints. It wasn't the best theme, mind you. Its only saving grace was that it shared a title with a great song by Madness. Our convention would be much better, even if we didn't yet have a theme.

What caught my eye was the black Sharpie scrawl in the bottom corner.

_Jake Black - 555-2478 - Go Wolves!_

He'd drawn a smiley face next to it.

I couldn't help but smile in return.

Did he _really_ want me to call him? I thought he was just being nice, but he did seem to track me down before we'd left, and he'd even kissed me on the cheek. Granted, I was hardly an expert when it came to _guys_, but those two things-, - coupled with the fact that he'd been my almost-first-kiss - did make me think that maybe, just maybe, he could actually be interested in me.

Guess there was only one way to find out.

Taking a deep breath, I picked up the phone.

...and hesitated.

I got that twinge, again. That horrible feeling of guilt, as if I were doing something wrong.

As if I were _cheating!_

"Dammit!" I slammed the phone down, and this time the tears easily sprang forth. But at least they were angry tears. Those I could deal with. All I had to do was remember his words; remember that cold, dead look in his eyes.

'_There's your _experience_.'_

Well fuck him! Fuck him and the bullshit romantic ideal I had of him! That boy didn't exist, and if he didn't exist, then I sure as hell didn't belong to him!

I picked up the phone and dialed.

"Hello," a deep, gruff voice answered.

"Hi. Is, um, Jake there?"

"Speaking! Who's this?"

"Um, it's Bella. Bella Swan. We, um, met this weekend..."

"Bella! You called!" I could hear the smile in his voice.

"Yeah."

"Decided to hear about the merits of ASU after all, huh?"

"Are you kidding? I'm no Sun Devil! Wildcats all the way." I grinned, falling effortlessly into conversation with him.

"Wildcats? How dare you bring the red and blue into this! It's all about maroon and gold, baby!"

"You did _not_ just call me baby!"

"You did _not_ just choose U of A over ASU!"

"Any sane person would."

"That's debatable, Miss Swan. It's lucky for you I'll be studying psychology. That way, I can judge your sanity for myself."

"With a quack degree from Party School USA? I don't think so!"

We easily bantered back and forth, chatting about anything and everything, until I realized it was nearly 6:00. We'd been talking non-stop for nearly two hours.

"Oh crap, Jake, I gotta go. My Mom will be home soon and I haven't even started on my chores."

"No worries, Bella. I'll just have to call you next time."

"Are you fishing for my number, Mr. Black?"

"Actually, I'm fishing for a date, but your number's a good start. What are you doing on Saturday?"

I blushed. Just earlier I'd been wondering if he had anything more than polite interest in me, and now he was asking me on a date. A real date!

I felt that twinge again, and immediately smashed it down.

"I don't know. What are _we_ doing on Saturday?" I smiled, glad for my sudden burst of confidence.

"Actually, I had something pretty intense in mind, but you might not be up for the kind of challenge I'm about to throw down."

"Oh really; and what kind of challenge is that?"

"Miniature golf. But, I'll warn you. I hit a pretty mean ball through a windmill."

"Well, I'll warn you. I'm clumsy to the point of accidental homicide with a putter in my hand. You'll play at your own risk."

"I think I can handle myself."

"We'll see about that. I once took out my cousin's front tooth on the hole with the rolling hills."

"Ouch."

"Yeah, well, she had it coming. No one should look that good in pigtails. Lucky for her it was a baby tooth, not that that would have stopped me. I play to win."

"You're on! Should I pick you up around seven?"

"It's your funeral."

I gave him my number and directions to our apartment before finally saying goodbye. I couldn't help the smile that spread across my face when I hung up the phone.

I walked to the kitchen and started pulling out items from the pantry. Mom had bought a fresh loaf of French bread and I immediately thought of garlic bread. It seemed like a good night for spaghetti, so I set a pot of water to boil before opening the fridge to see if we had any Ragu, or if I'd have to make the sauce from scratch. Lucky for me, buried behind the Yoplait was a half-full jar of 'Flavored by Meat' next to the parmesan.

I started slicing the bread when the phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Bella, don't you love me anymore?"

"Alice! Hi! I'm sorry I didn't call you last night. I was totally wiped out when I got home."

As far as I knew, Alice was the only other person in the world who knew how I truly felt about her brother. We talked several times a week, usually so she could grill me about what to expect in high school, and then bitch about whatever new flavor of the month Edward was dating.

She was my one and only true confidant, and I dreaded having to tell her what a prick her brother had been to me. I wondered how long I could keep it to myself, considering Alice had an uncanny knack for knowing everything. As much as I wanted to hate Edward, the last thing I wanted to do was alienate him from Alice or Emmett. For all intents and purposes, they were his and I had no right or desire to come between them.

"I know. I heard about what happened on the way home and, just for the record, gross!"

"Thanks. Like I didn't already know that. Oh, hey, I know a way I can make it up to you."

"Oh?"

"How do you feel about hitting the mall early Saturday?"

"You hate to shop. Why would you torture yourself for me?"

"I need an outfit and, more than that, an honest opinion."

"Okay, I'm in! But forget about all that. Tell me what happened this weekend!"

"Oh, um, not much really. I mean, I can tell you more when I see you on Saturday, but I have to finish making dinner before my Mom gets home."

"Can you at least tell me why my brother looks like a punching bag?"

"Oh, um, I accidentally kicked him in the face."

She laughed.

"Geez, Bella! How did you manage that?!"

"Stupid game we were playing in student council. I kicked him in the face and he threw me into Emmett. Amazing what passes for education these days."

"He's going to be wearing more makeup than me this week, that's for sure. How many times did you kick him?"

Surely she would have known the bruise on his jaw was from the weekend. She'd been the one to disguise it for him. Between that and the cut on his lip, I couldn't imagine what she was talking about.

No way she thought the hickey was a kick in the throat.

I tucked the phone more firmly into the crook of my neck as I started tossing the dinner salad.

"Just the one time, Alice. I wasn't going to let him try throwing me again, after that fiasco."

"Um, just the once?"

"Yeah." I set the tongs down, picking up the bowl to set it down on the table. "I busted his lip and then passed out from the blood. Emmett had to catch me. Not my finest moment." I walked over to measure out some spaghetti before throwing it in the pot.

"Oh." She was oddly quiet.

"Alice?"

"I'm just wondering how he got the black eye."

I stopped, dry pasta gripped in my hands.

"What black eye?"

"He was late dropping off Emmett, and when he got home he had a black eye. He said something about student council and went to his room. I just thought it was from the same thing."

I'd seen them in the hallway, leaving school. Even at a quick glance, I'd known that Edward didn't have a black eye. If I had kicked him that hard, it would have bruised by the time history class rolled around.

Edward was fine when he left school.

But not after he dropped off Emmett.

Emmett!

_Aw fuck, Emmett!_


	4. InBetween Days

_A/N: Thank you for all the lovely reviews. I hope everyone had a Merry Christmas/Holiday of Preference, etc. Hopefully (knock on wood) it won't take quite this long between updates in the future. I'll try my best to crank a bit faster on this - WCs do seem to help tremendously! Many thanks, as always, to the crazy h00rs on Twitter, and especially KayCannon, the fuckawesome beta!_

_Hope you enjoy! Feel free to tell me if you do or don't._

_;^)_

* * *

**Chapter 4 - InBetween Days**

"This is really good, sweetie!"

"Hmm? Oh, thanks Mom."

"You okay? You haven't eaten very much."

"Yeah, um, just have a lot on my mind."

"Care to share?" She smiled at me, her obvious eagerness for me to dish making me feel guilty for my reluctance. I could only imagine the flood of advice I'd unleash if I told her I was having _boy trouble_.

That could wait. I decided to focus on the positive. "Actually, I have a date on Saturday."

"That nice boy from the weekend?"

I smiled, nodding, then couldn't help but stammer with excitement. "Yeah, I decided to call. And, well, I mean… I was nervous and all, but once we started talking I was really surprised at how, I dunno, _natural_ it seemed."

"Bella, that's wonderful!"

"I know, right? I mean, I've never really been on a date before. So I'm nervous and all, but Jake is so easy to talk to."

"And where is Mr. _Easy-To-Talk-To_ taking you?"

"Golf-n-Stuff."

She hesitated. "Oh?"

I couldn't help but roll my eyes at her. "Yes, Mom, I told him about Cindy and knocking her tooth out. Oddly, that didn't seem to frighten him off."

"Well then, barring a trip to the emergency room, he may be a keeper."

"Thanks!" Her sarcasm wasn't lost on me.

She smiled. "Oh, Bella, I think it's fantastic, really. I don't suppose I could talk you into that lip gloss now?"

"Funny you should mention that. I'm going to the mall with Alice on Saturday. Figured I should get something decent to wear – well, at least something that doesn't make me look like a boy." My collection of t-shirts and sweatshirts hardly felt like appropriate date attire.

"You know, sweetie, I wouldn't be adverse to funding your little expedition if it meant you'd graduate from that tube of Blistex you like so much. I can't imagine a boy being swept off his feet by the tantalizing scent of menthol."

"Hey, at least it keeps my lips soft!"

"And smelling like an old lady. I could buy you some Ben Gay, if you'd like. You know, something to complete the effect. Maybe an afghan shawl and one of those little plastic hair bonnets for when it rains," she teased.

"I'll have you know that I am respectfully holding my tongue, but only because there was a promise of money."

"Ah, spoken like a true teenager! I knew there was one in there beneath all the brains and maturity."

"Yes, Mom, I'm finally reverting to my physical age. If you'd like, I can start sneaking out at night, leaving my room a disaster and talking on the phone at all hours."

"Okay, so maybe it isn't _all_ bad." She twirled another bite of spaghetti onto her fork before continuing. "I'm well aware of how easy I have it as your mother. Your Grandma kept telling me that I'd get my payback, when I had a child, for all the hell I put her and Grandpa through. So, trust me, I count my blessings." I always felt sheepish when she gave me that kind of praise. This was especially true when I remembered imbibing Jake's 'mouthwash' from the weekend. "So, what time will you girls be heading out?"

"I was thinking 11:30. We'll probably fuel up in the food court before conquering the clearance racks."

"It's your first date, sweetie. Splurge!"

I wrinkled my nose at her, knowing that we weren't exactly rolling in money.

"Don't make that face at me. We're more than fine this month," she answered. "Besides, if there was any chance of you finally embracing your inner girly-girl, I'd gladly take out a loan."

#~#~#

Mom offered to do the dishes since I'd made dinner. I felt bad, seeing as how she'd worked all day, but she insisted. I packed away the leftovers, noting that cold spaghetti was not only a decent lunch, but a quiet one I could get away with eating in the library. Of course, this was providing I didn't go completely spastic with my fork or the need to slurp. I shuddered to think about the drama that lunch would entail tomorrow. I only knew I didn't want anything to do with it.

I sat on my bed, wondering if I should try phoning Emmett or not. I'd still been on the phone with Alice when Mom got home, so I didn't really have the opportunity until now.

I hesitated, unsure if I was really up to dealing with anymore today. It had been a grueling Monday, and it didn't sound as if tomorrow was going to be any better. What finally made up my mind was fear. The last thing I wanted was to be blindsided tomorrow while navigating the social minefield that lay ahead.

I picked up the phone and dialed. "Hello?" his mom answered.

"Oh, um, hello. Is Emmett there?"

"Who may I say is calling?"

"Hi Mrs. McCarty. This is Bella."

"Oh, hello dear. Just one moment, I'll get him for you." I heard some muffled words and shuffling before Emmett came to the phone.

"Hey Bell, what's new?" He sounded his usual, jovial self...almost.

"Gee, Em. I should be asking _you_ that, don't you think?" Smart cookie that he was, he picked up on my tone immediately.

"Oh... um, yeah! I have those _notes_." I could easily picture him using his poor acting skills for his mother's benefit. I'm guessing she wasn't remotely fooled. "Hang on, let me go get them," he enunciated.

I heard the fumbling of the phone as he handed it off to his mom, then his feet padding down the hallway towards his room. There was the unmistakable noise of the door closing and then the clicking of the other phone as he picked it up.

"I GOT IT, MA!" he yelled, then waited until she hung up the other phone before speaking to me again. "Actually, Bell," he growled in a low whisper, "I think _you're_ the one that has some explaining to do!"

"_You_ promised not to push!" I spat back.

"That was before I knew what _really_ happened this weekend! Why didn't you come and get me? I would have clocked his ass then and there!"

"Emmett," I sighed, "that's _exactly_ why I didn't come and get you." I cringed at the thought of either him or Edward getting in trouble at the conference because of me. "Besides, I clocked him plenty good. Trust me."

"Yeah, he said something like that."

"It was a lucky shot," I muttered.

"Still, Bell, why didn't you tell me?"

"Because...," I sighed, again. "Because there's nothing you could have done, Emmett. I mean really, unless you can turn back time or somehow make him _less_ of an ass, there was no point."

"I'm surprised you didn't _actually_ rip his balls off."

"Yeah, well, my hand already hurt from the punch."

He laughed, then was quiet for a moment. "Oh, Bell."

"Don't, Em. Just _don't_, okay? I'm dealing with enough as it is. I don't think I could handle pity on top of it."

"It's just, I mean, I know it's not _easy_, okay. First there was Thanksgiving..."

"Never to be spoken of again, Emmett," I warned through clenched teeth.

"And now this? I mean, I don't want to make excuses for the guy, but —"

"Then don't!" I cut him off. Whatever bit of guy solidarity bullshit he was about to spout, I didn't want to hear it.

"You're right, I'm sorry. I just want you to know that I'm here for you, okay? I told him to back off; that you needed time. And if he wasn't smart enough to steer clear of you before, well, let's just say he has a little more incentive now."

I pushed my cheek into my palm, rubbing my face. "A black eye? Really?"

"That little shit didn't call you, did he?"

"No, no of course not. Alice called. I guess he told her it was more fallout from class today."

"What, you think he didn't deserve it?" I actually had to pause at that. "Don't worry, I'm not gonna do anymore than that. I think at this point he's got plenty to beat himself up about."

I snorted. "Oh please, like he gives a shit about what he _really_ did," I replied without thinking.

"What do you mean?"

"Nothing, okay, just... just nothing."

"Bell," he warned, obviously upset that I was holding out on him.

"Tomorrow, okay? No pushing, you promised."

"Tomorrow, after school."

I could feel my heart lodge in my throat. "Em, I...I can't ride home with..."

"How stupid do you think I am? Of course you can't! I'm driving tomorrow. We'll hit the DQ and drown our sorrows in Oreo Blizzards, okay?"

I smiled in relief. "Okay. Oh, Em?"

"Yeah?"

"How did you know? I mean, did...did he _tell_ you?"

"Yeah, um... Not exactly." I stayed quiet, waiting for an explanation. "Well, um, you know that makeup shit you put on your face to make it look like there's nothing there?"

"Foundation?"

"Yeah, you know that shit has to be reapplied or it wears off, right?"

"Oh, um, I guess I hadn't really thought about it. Why?"

"I've known Edward for a long time, and I'm a helluva lot more observant than people think I am." We had joked before about how often he was perceived as a dumb jock, but I still wasn't getting his point. "I'm familiar with his _handiwork_, Bell. He might as well have signed his name on you, _twice_."

I could feel the heat building in my cheeks. A lame utterance of "oh," was all I could muster.

"When I saw that, and your hand, the bruise on his jaw, and that God awful _mark_ of yours on his neck—seriously Bella, the phrase 'chrome off a hitch' mean anything to you—well, when I put all of that together, let's just say I had a hard time keeping my shit together on the ride home."

"Oh, Em," I exhaled, saddened, "the last thing in the world I want is to come between you guys."

"You're not, Bell. We'll work out our own shit our own way. Don't you worry. But right now, you need a friend. You're my priority."

"But, Em..."

"Fuck that shit, Bell! It was a dick move! We all know it. Just let me do what I can to be there for you, okay? Don't even think about the rest right now."

"I...thank you," I finished, finally accepting his offer.

"I'll see you tomorrow."

"I'm not hanging out at lunch."

"I figured. Don't let Mrs. Hanson catch you eating in the library."

"I won't. 'Night Em."

"'Night, Bell."

#~#~#

I was sweating, my face was flushed, and my breathing shallow. I rolled over and looked at the clock. 3:30am dully glowed back at me.

I threw my head back into my pillow, groaning. I'd had one of those dreams again; the good one. I could feel its aftereffects, even though I was fuzzy on the specifics. I only knew I felt both excited and frustrated.

I rolled onto my side, hugging a pillow and tucking my knees up into it. According to the clock, it had been about fifty-two hours since _the incident_ - as I now thought of it - and I wondered how much longer these vivid and indulgent dreams would continue. I already knew it was something I'd never forget, but I hadn't counted on the constant instant-replay with which my subconscious kept plaguing me.

I huffed into my pillow, squeezing it tighter as I tried to find my way back to sleep.

#~#~#

English.

I hadn't planned on arriving quite so early, but I wasn't keen about lurking the hallways until the bell rang. I couldn't lie to myself, I knew I was anxious to see Edward and just how badly Emmett had hit him. I only hoped that Alice had been able to work her magic yet again.

Minutes before the first bell, Edward walked in wearing his Ray Bans. He sat down across from me, slowly putting his things away then pulling out the items he'd need for class. Lastly, and with deliberate care, he removed his sunglasses.

His right cheek was swollen, but not badly. I was certain he'd done whatever he could to keep the swelling to a minimum. Sure enough, I could make out the faint dusting of powder that clung to the fine hairs on his cheek.

I wanted to apologize. Even though part of me had wanted Emmett to pound him into the ground, seeing him actually hurt made my chest ache. His lip bore the small scab from yesterday, and I could still see the tiniest bit of yellow along his jaw. As beat up as I felt on the inside, Edward now wore the reflection of that pain on his beautiful face.

But, I knew a moment of weakness now would only lead to more and more months of slow agony. I missed him terribly, but I refused to let myself once again start dying the slow and miserable death I'd subjected myself to over the last two years.

"I didn't tell him," I said.

_I'm sorry he hurt you. I'm sorry I came between you and your best friend. I never wanted that._

"I know," he responded.

We both stared straight ahead, letting the words fall into the chasm between us.

#~#~#

Edward kept a polite distance in the rest of our classes. He didn't try to speak to me again, and for that I was both sad and grateful. Thankfully, we had a guest speaker come in to student council and talk to our class to help us prepare for next year's convention. He was informative, engaging, and exactly what I needed to just let my mind zone out completely.

Emmett kept glancing at me throughout the class, and I was glad to be able to shoot a bored but comfortable look in return. When the bell rang, several students were slow to leave, still eager to talk with our speaker and bounce ideas off of him. I was just slow in general, feeling lethargic now that I wasn't on constant edge.

"How's it going, Bell?" Emmett sighed, and then threw an arm around me as we walked out of the room.

"I'm fine, just feeling a little tired." I gave him a brief hug in return before we continued down the hallway.

"So, no one's been bothering you?"

"Not in the least. Thanks, Em."

"No prob. See you in history." He hugged me again before heading towards the quad.

I shuffled towards the library, cold spaghetti in hand.

#~#~#

History was awkward, but only if you were really paying attention. Usually our table was bustling with playful banter and conversation. Today, it was noticeably quiet, to the point of being eerie. Edward came into the room and took his usual seat next to Emmett. Em spent most of the class leaning towards me, almost protectively, while Edward's seat was scooted to the farthest edge of the table and faced out towards the aisle.

No words were spoken as we headed off to chemistry.

After school I'd stopped by my locker to swap out my books, before heading to meet Emmett. It was easy to spot his baby, the Jeep, parked at the far end of the lot. It practically glistened in the bright, Arizona sun. He kept it waxed and buffed religiously, and I was surprised he hadn't thrown on the protective tarp covering.

Emmett was a little crazy about his vehicle. This is why Edward usually drove.

"Hey Bell," he greeted, unlocking my door before walking over to the driver's side.

I hoisted myself into the seat and my butt nearly slid across the slick leather. The interior was not only immaculate, but shiny and pristine as well. I wondered how much the McCarty's had to fork over each month to keep Emmett swimming in _Armor-All_.

He climbed in and ran his hand habitually over the dash before turning the key. "Would you two like to be alone?"

"Don't mock the Jeep, Bell. Ours is a true love."

"Speaking of, I never did get a chance to ask you about Rosalie. Did you guys get to exchange numbers?" Emmett was oddly silent, and when I glanced over, he was grinning and even blushing.

_Blushing!_

"Emmett, you dog!" I teased.

"What?! It's not like that, Bell. Rose is... She's... Well, she's just _special_," he smiled wistfully.

I was taken aback, seeing that rare bit of awe light his face. "Wow, Em! I had no idea. So, you two really hit it off, then?"

"Oh yeah," he, confirmed, nodding. "We must have talked for hours that first night. I had to down two cups of coffee the next morning just to make it through the day."

"But, you hate coffee."

He laughed. "I know, it tastes like dirt! Isn't that great?"

His good mood was infectious, and I couldn't help but laugh along with him.

We arrived at the DQ and Emmett ordered us two of the largest size Blizzards available before we slid into a booth in the back. I stabbed at mine with the overly long red plastic spoon, waiting for it to melt a bit more before eating.

"So, she's really that great, huh?" I continued from where we'd left off.

"Oh Bell, it's like this chick was made for me! I mean, she's gorgeous and all, but it's so much more than that. She's funny and loves football and cars, and smart. She's, like, _ridiculously_ smart.

"We spent that first night in her room, just talking, for hours. Her roomies got kinda pissy 'cause we were keeping them up, so she grabbed a blanket and we kept talking out on the walkway until she made me leave 'cause I could barely keep my eyes open.

"Saturday night we just grabbed a couple of blankets and pushed together two of the deck chairs out by the pool. She let me hold her hand and we must have been out there from after dinner 'til at least two or three in the morning. I mean, we talked about the stupidest shit, and then, like, really profound stuff too."

I could see the sparkle in his eyes, and felt both excited and just the tiniest bit jealous. It seemed obvious that Rosalie was as interested in Emmett as he was in her. Some people had all the luck.

"Em, I'm so happy for you," I said with a genuine smile. "So, when are you seeing her again?"

"There's a dance at her school on Friday after the basketball game."

"And you're not worried about running into his royal douche-ness, Roy King?"

"Nah. Rose already made me promise not to crush that little shit. She says that living well is the best revenge, and being on my arm was all she needed," he clarified, beaming.

"Aw, Em, that's sweet!" I gave him a playful punch in the arm.

"I know, right? And if I know Rose half as well as I think I do, I bet she's gonna look ridiculously hot. Not that I'm complaining." I laughed. "But, I made it very clear to her that I'm willing to take things as slowly as she wants. I got the impression that whatever went down Friday night was not the first time something like that has happened, and I just want to prove to her that not all men are pigs, you know?" I nodded, in understanding. "I just don't want to screw it up."

"Em, I have a feeling that no matter what happens, she's always gonna see you as her knight in shining armor. The fact that you're such a sweetheart on top of that… Well, she's really lucky. You both are." I squeezed his wrist.

"Thanks, Bell." I swirled the spoon inside my cup, chasing a large mass of Oreos. "So, enough of your stalling there, missy. As much as I like to go on about Rosie, I know a stall tactic when I see it."

I sighed. "Okay, so tell me what you know—what happened after school yesterday—and I'll fill in the rest."

"Alright. I saw those hickeys on you in chem class and I couldn't believe it. I didn't think it could possibly be what I thought it was, but the way you two had been acting all day... Well, let's just say I wasn't too thrilled. I mean, if it had been a good thing, I'm sure you would have been in a much better mood. As it was, you did seem pretty skittish, but I thought that was because of the FUBAR in student council.

"So, I didn't say anything on the ride home, but when we pulled into Edward's driveway, I asked him to come over, because I really needed to talk to him. He tried to get out of it, but I convinced him.

"We were in the backyard, out on the porch, when I started in on him. I kept throwing hints around, trying to get him to say something. He was trying to be cool, but I could tell I was getting to him. What really pissed me off was when we finally got down to it, that little shit got all cocky; told me about how he was just helping you out, and you punched him, and what was the big deal anyway. I couldn't help myself. I decked him."

I didn't realize I had been slowly pulling away from the table the more Emmett talked. I was staring into my lap, feeling very small.

_Yeah, what was the big deal, anyway? It was just a _favor_._

I already knew this. It meant everything to me, and absolutely nothing to him.

"But Bell, you have to understand something, and I need to make this very clear. Yes, what he did was just, well, it was beyond sucky, but, he never would have done it - never would have done anything like that - if he knew how you felt about him." I could feel my face growing red. "You hide it really well. I mean, I didn't even know 'til that day before Thanksgiving, and I hang out with you all the time. I had my suspicions, but I never would have guessed before that.

He pressed on, "I hate to ask the obvious question here, but why didn't you ever say anything?"

I couldn't look at him. I found my fingertips intensely fascinating as I played with them nervously. Yet again, I was trying to hold back tears, as I got ready to voice what I always thought was an obvious fact.

"C'mon, Em, just... Just _look_ at me. Look at me and compare that with every girl that Edward has ever dated. You know as well as I do that I'm not just out of his league, I'm not even playing the same sport!"

"Bell, that's not true..."

I snorted. "Don't even try. I'm not pretty. I'm not athletic. I'm shaped like a twig with boobs so small they border on concave, and I'm a total nerd! I don't even come close to his ideal. The only thing I have over any of those girls is that I'm smart—definitely smart enough to know that I don't have a chance. The only thing I had to offer was my friendship, and now I can't even give him that."

Emmett cocked his head to the side. "What do you mean by that?"

"Do you honestly think I could be friends with him after this? Geez, how much humiliation do you think I can handle?"

He looked at me, shocked. "So... what? You you're not even gonna _try_ to forgive him?"

I sighed, defeated, turning to the side of the bench seat and drawing up my knees. I hugged them to my chest before answering. "I was angry. After he said those things to me, I got pissed off, and I carried that anger with me. But, when I really think about it, what is there to forgive? Like you said, he thought he was doing me a favor. He was trying to be a friend because that's what I'd led him to believe I wanted. Sure, it hurt, but I'm the one to blame. I got all swept up in the moment, even though I knew... I _knew_... that he didn't feel anything like that for me. I don't know what I was expecting by letting him kiss me, but I was stupid for allowing it to happen."

Unfortunately, I knew all too well what I had _hoped_ that kiss would mean. I stopped to take a breath, trying to keep myself from getting too choked up. "I'm the one who has to make it right; to do what's best for me," I finished.

"What, by hiding away?"

"No," I retored with a huff. It was difficult enough to say these things out loud, much less be challenged. "By accepting that it's just never gonna happen, and trying to move on."

"Ignoring everyone is not moving on, Bell."

"It hurts, okay? Being around him just _hurts_." I could see the sympathy, the _pity_, in his eyes, and it made my stomach turn. "I just need time, Em. Just give me some time and space, please."

_Time enough for you to get wrapped up in Rosalie, to smooth things over with Edward, to forget this stupid excuse for a confessional and let me quietly fade away._

"Whatever you need, Bell."

"Thanks."

#~#~#

I'd convinced Emmett to go back to carpooling with Edward the next day. He'd bristled at first, but I reiterated how much I needed them to patch things up, and how riding the bus wouldn't be the worst thing in the world for me. I hated the fact that I had caused any fallout in their relationship. As popular and well-liked as Edward was, I knew he only had a couple of true friends—people who weren't with him only to increase their social status. Emmett had always been his closest friend.

I liked to believe I'd been a fair second.

Emmett reluctantly agreed to try, and it was nice to see them exchange snippets of civil words on Wednesday, full sentences on Thursday, and almost an entire conversation on Friday. I was certain that by Monday they'd be thick as thieves, once again.

He also mentioned to me several times that Edward was desperate to apologize, but was keeping his distance, unsure of what to say, how to say it, or even how it would be received. He'd healed nicely by the Friday, and I was sure the last thing he wanted was another fist or foot in the face.

I repeated that I needed more time, implying that I'd like to make it through the weekend without having to deal with things quite yet. He appeared to have passed along the message, and instead of Edward trying to engage me in actual conversation, he'd merely smile or wave at me throughout the day from a respectful distance.

Honestly, it made it him more endearing.

Like I needed _that_ in my life!

Student council class rolled around on Friday afternoon, and Mr. G foolishly decided to try team building exercises once again. There were a slew of jokes thrown around the room at our expense, but Mr. G made certain that nothing requiring any skill or particular dexterity would be involved. To make his point about the necessity of building team trust, in comparison to our miserable display on Monday, he decided to have our class demonstrate the latest exercise.

"Trust is essential in any team. We all saw what happened on Monday, freak accident that it was, but we learn to move past these things, and trust our teammates once again. This is a simple exercise that we'll all be doing, and I'm gonna use the juniors to demonstrate.

"For example, Emmett here was the first to go over the fence, because his team trusted him to catch everyone going over after him. Edward, as class president and team leader, trusts that his subordinates will help him accomplish the class goals. In turn, they trust him to do what's best for the class." He pulled both Edward and Emmett so they were standing four feet apart, facing the same direction. "Emmett's a big guy, but he's gonna trust that Edward here will catch him. Now, it's actually harder than it sounds. Once you start falling backward, your natural instinct is to stop yourself. What Emmett's going to do is allow himself to continue falling straight back, trusting that Edward will catch him beneath the shoulders and keep him from hitting the ground."

The guys smirked at each other, having played this game before. Edward always had a habit of waiting 'til the last possible second to catch the falling person, causing them that horrible split-second of fear before he clutched their shoulders and stopped them inches from the ground.

"Alright boys, show them how it's done," Mr G. directed

Emmett dramatically crossed his arms in an X over his chest, then closed his eyes and fell backwards, keeping is back perfectly straight and suppressing the instinct to catch himself. True to form, Edward caught him at the last minute, letting him slow toward the ground before pushing him back up again.

Then Mr. G finished the instructions. "Okay, everyone. Into your classes. Everyone should take turns both catching and falling. Remember, the point of this is to learn to trust our teammates. You might have a few false starts, so I want you all to do it until you're comfortable."

I watched as Eric and Angela paired up in our class, and Ben moved towards Emmett.

"C'mon Bella, I'll let you catch me first," I heard Edward say. It was the longest string of words I'd heard from him all week. I wished it didn't make my stomach flutter just to hear his voice again.

"Sure," I responded, then wiped my palms on my jeans.

We stood apart, and then slowly he fell backwards. Although he was bigger than me, it was easy enough catch him. Unfortunately, I could feel that electrical current once again, racing through my veins when my hands connected to his shoulders. He tensed beneath me and I pushed him back up. I struggled not to drop him out of sheer reflex and shock. While the sensation wasn't unpleasant, it was definitely unwelcome.

"Um, now you," he said, hesitantly. I could feel my cheeks burning as I turned around, and my heart hammering in my chest as I crossed my arms over it. I took a deep breath, then started falling.

I immediately stumbled back on my legs to right myself.

"Um, sorry," I muttered, standing in position once again. I took a deep breath, crossed my arms, and fell.

And stopped myself again.

"I promise, I'm gonna catch you. This is old hat for us." He smiled at me, trying to ease my fears. I squared up for a third attempt, and my mind kicked into overdrive. We'd done this exercise several times over the years. There was no reason for me to feel squeamish about it now, except...

I didn't trust him.

I _couldn't_ trust him.

While I'd admitted that what happened was partly my fault, I'd also recognized the true damage that had been done. It wasn't only that we'd lost a friendship, or that I'd lost my first kiss, it was that I'd lost confidence in myself. His easy dismissal of a kiss that had, quite literally, blown my mind, made me question my perceptions. It put my inexperience on a pedestal and, worst of all, it made me feel stupid.

I didn't have any physical strengths or attributes to speak of—the thought of being stupid was terrifying. It was no wonder I'd never confessed my feelings to him. I could only imagine the devastation that would have followed in his dismissal of that as well.

Thinking back on Monday, the only way I'd mustered the confidence to call Jake was by channeling my anger in defiance. Was that how I was going to get through this? By being angry all the time? I knew I didn't want that, yet, ironically, the thought of being angry made me _more_ angry.

And sad... Terribly sad.

How could all of this stem from just one kiss?

I crossed my arms against my chest protectively, while shaking my head.

"I'm sorry, Edward, I can't," I apologized. My voice was barely more than a whisper.

"Oh." He shoved his hands in his pockets, avoiding my gaze. "Um, that's okay. I'll, um, just wait to switch with someone else." He gave me a half smile, trying to disguise the hurt that lingered in his expression.

I felt bad, but I couldn't help it. I didn't _want_ to hurt him. I wasn't a vengeful person by nature, honestly. Yet I kept seeing that wounded puppy expression the few times we'd interacted this week.

God, this was going to be so much harder than I thought.

Eric tapped me on the shoulder, and we switched up partners to continue the trust exercise. I easily fell in to his arms, then the arms of Ben and Emmett. It wasn't difficult in the least, and I'd even laughed a bit when Emmett started teasing all of us when I partnered with Angela.

"Oh, she's gonna drop you, Bell. Angela has no upper body strength!" I smiled as I tilted backwards. "OH GOD, I CAN'T LOOK!"

"Cut it out, Emmett! You're making me nervous!" Angela laughed at him.

"Wait 'til you have to catch me. Then _I'm_ gonna be the one who's nervous. I could squish you, Weber, _just like grape,"_ he quoted _Karate Kid _while squeezing his fist at her. Angela scrunched her face up tight.

"Show me _wax the car!"_ she growled.

"Show me _paint the fence!_" I added.

"Show me _sand the floor!_" Edward continued, and the four of us started laughing.

In that one moment, it was like nothing had changed. We were chuckling like idiots, smiles all around. Emmett drew back, and then posed himself in the infamous crane position.

"Strike first, strike hard," Edward began.

"No mercy, sir!" we finished in unison. Edward dodged Emmett's flying kick before we lunged towards him. He easily stopped us both, somehow managing to pin us in twin headlocks.

"We do not train to be merciful here," Emmett mocked, crushing us a bit more as we struggled. "Mercy is for the weak. Here in the streets, in competition, a man confronts you, he is the enemy. An enemy deserves no mercy." Then he belched, loudly, and blew it in both of our faces.

"Enough with the horseplay over there, juniors!" Mr. G called from across the room, a hint of lightheartedness in his voice. Emmett let us both go, and we were laughing.

"Good God, man, what the hell did you have for breakfast?"

"Extra garlic and cheddar omelet, young Cullen; breakfast of champions!"

"And repeller of humanity," I retorted. "I think something may be dying in your esophagus, Em, and it's trying to claw its way out."

"Like that face-sucking thing in _Aliens!"_ Edward added. He tucked his fist under his shirt, pulsed it a couple of times, then burst his hand out between a pair of buttons. _"BLEARGH!_"

"Gross!" I screamed, then giggled.

I saw Edward was grinning as we locked eyes. Suddenly our brief detente was at an end. I had the sensation of being pulled back within myself, and I could practically hear the wall slamming down between us.

I tore my gaze from his, and the air filled with tension. I shuffled back to my seat, physically removing myself from his presence. If I ever hoped to be rid of this hopeless addiction I had for Edward, then I couldn't allow myself even these small moments. Any interaction we had could easily lead down the slippery slope of delusional and masochistic comfort.

"So, plans for the weekend, Angela?" I asked, throwing myself into immediate distraction.

"Oh, yeah. Actually, Ben and I are going ice skating on Saturday. I'm excited. I've never been before."

I wrinkled my nose. "Geez, better you than me. I'd end up in the emergency room if I tried ice skating."

She leaned towards me, whispering. "Actually, I think it's kind of an excuse to hold on to me. It's a bit sweet."

I narrowed my eyes at Ben. Skinny, unassuming Ben.

_Huh, who knew? Go Ben!_

"What about you?"

"I like you, Ang, but I'll keep my hands to myself."

"No, stupid. I mean this weekend."

"Oh," I hesitated.

_Oh! _

My date with Jake. In all my drama throughout the week, I'd nearly forgotten about my date.

Would he want to put his hands on me like Ben did with Angela? Would I know how to react if he did? I mean, he did try to kiss me, and that probably would have been wonderful if things hadn't turned out the way they did. How was I supposed to react if he got all touchy-feely with me? Did I want him to get touchy-feely? Did I want him to kiss me? Would he even show up tomorrow, or realize what a mistake he'd made and never call me again.

I could feel a headache coming on.

"Oh, I'm hitting the mall tomorrow with Alice. Mom offered to fund some new clothes if I started wearing lip gloss."

"Your mom is so cool!"

"She does know how to bribe me into submission, I'll give her that."

"So, new clothes. Special occasion?" She smiled. I could feel my traitorous blush threaten to give me away.

"Just needed something new, is all. No reason," I mumbled. Not only did I not want to broadcast my date in general—I was nervous enough as it was—I didn't want either of the guys to think I was somehow trying to use Jake to upset Edward. Sure, I may be hurt and still a bit angry, but I wanted to think I had a little more integrity than _that_.

Jake, and the comedy of awkwardness I was sure would accompany our first date, would be mine and mine alone to deal with; well, mine and my Mom's. There was no way I was escaping interrogation at the end of Saturday night.

_No one expects the Spanish Inquisition!_

I laughed to myself, earning an odd glance from Angela. Then I felt a sudden pang of loss, remembering a pop quiz in Spanish from a lifetime ago.

#~#~#

My stomach was in knots thinking about having to call the Cullen's house that morning. Granted, the thought of talking to Edward on the phone had always given me a sense of giddy anticipation, but now it only filled me with dread. Thankfully Alice had phoned me, and I was able to tell her that we'd pick her up at 11:30. She even mentioned that she'd be waiting outside on the porch, which spared me the humiliation of actually running in to Edward. While we'd had something of a routine established at school, I had no idea what could happen on a weekend out in the real world. I was a chicken, pure and simple, and I liked the safety established by school, teachers, and Emmett.

Alice waved at us as soon as we turned onto her block. She jumped into the backseat the moment we came to a stop. "Hi Bella! Hi Ms. Swan!"

Mom said the only thing she'd ever wanted in the divorce was the last name. Having to spell 'Higgenbotham' had been a continual pain in the ass before she'd gotten married. "Hi Alice. Please tell me you're ready to help my little girl become a woman."

She breathed dramatically, causing Alice to giggle. "Ms. Swan, I aim to please!"

"Mom, are you sure you don't want to come shop with us?"

"I did promise to visit a friend this afternoon, but I'll join you girls for some lunch. Trust me, I'd much rather see you trying on all sorts of makeup in the department store," she grinned at me, "but, a promise is a promise. I'll be back to pick you girls up around four. What time is Jake coming to pick you up?"

"Jake? Who's Jake?" Alice asked, raising an eyebrow at me.

"Bella? You didn't tell Alice?"

"Tell me what?" Alice wheedled.

I felt myself turning red. "Um, I have a date tonight, Alice. That's why I wanted something nice to wear."

"A date? No way!"

"Geez, thanks."

"No, I didn't mean it like that, silly. I just thought, you know," she hinted.

"Thought what, Alice?" Mom asked. I turned to look at Alice, my eyes wide with fear.

_Please, Alice. Please don't say anything about Edward. Please, please, please..._

"I thought Bella didn't date. You know, on general principal that it might interfere with school or something." She shot me a glare that definitely told me I wasn't off the hook and we'd be talking later.

"You're only young once, girls. Best have fun while you can," Mom sighed wistfully.

We parked, and then walked through the mall to the food court. The best thing about the variety of choices was the ability to mix and match among the greasiest and fattiest foods known to civilized man. It was like a buffet for the non-nutrition conscious.

I polished off a large strawberry Julius along with fries from Hot Dog on a Stick and a slice of crappy pizza from Pizza D'Amore. I didn't usually eat so much, but I knew I'd need the energy to make it through the day.

Mom tucked a handful of twenties into my purse before leaving us. "Remember Bella, don't be afraid to splurge. Alice, I'm counting on you!"

"Understood Ms. Swan. She's in good hands." As soon as she left, Alice rounded on me. "So, a date?"

"Yeah. I know it sounds stupid, but please don't tell Edward, okay."

"I don't understand. Why not? It might actually make him jealous," she said with an eager grin.

"Geez, Alice, that's exactly why! I'm not using this date to make Edward jealous. I don't want him or anyone else to think that, least of all Jake. He's a nice guy who actually likes me, though God only knows why.

"I don't want Edward to know because we both met Jake at the conference last weekend. They didn't get along, end of story," I huffed.

"So, you _don't_ have a thing for my brother anymore?"

"It's not that, Alice. It's that he'll never have a thing for me, and I can't just keep waiting around like some kind of lovesick idiot. It's time I just, I dunno, tried to move on or something." I could hear the resigned defeat in my voice.

"Oh." She sounded sad. I stopped to look at her.

"What is it?"

"I dunno. I mean, I guess I just always saw you two ending up together. I know it sounds silly but, I imagined someday we'd even be, like, sisters or something."

It had been days since I'd last cried, but for some reason, hearing the hope and earnestness in her voice hit me hard. It was like I could clearly see her unlikely vision of our future, and I mourned it.

"Oh, Alice." I hugged her. "We're always gonna be friends. No matter what happens. I promise."

"I know, Bella," she said, "I don't doubt that. I just thought my brother would have been smart enough, by now, to see what's right in front of him." I could feel my breath hitch again.

"Oh well, his loss, right?" I joked, trying to keep things light before bursting into tears. "But c'mon, I've wasted enough time thinking about him. Help me pick out something girly that doesn't make me look like a slut."

She laughed. "Not even a tiny bit like a slut? Hint of slut? Slutesque, even?"

"Hmm, I guess it depends on your definition of slut."

"See, that's all I'm asking for is a little compromise."

We entered the first store, and I immediately walked towards the back. Alice grabbed my arm before I'd taken more than a couple of steps. "Where do you think you're going?"

"Um, the clearance racks. Why?"

"Your mother left you in my care, and I wholeheartedly agree on the whole splurging idea. You shouldn't go out feeling less than your best in an outfit made up of out-of-season clothes in colors that didn't sell." I sighed in agreement and let her pull me towards the trendier racks in front.

"Let's not go crazy. Just try to keep it under the national debt, okay?"

She nodded in agreement. Next she pulled a couple of things off the rack, eyed me, and then eyed the clothes speculatively. Within minutes she'd had a handful of outfits for me to try on. We repeated this process over the next couple of hours, until we were both satisfied with the pieces I'd purchased. Alice assured me that practically each item was an essential of some kind, and showed me how to mix and match them into several outfits I probably would have never put together on my own.

Next we hit the makeup counter and I immediately felt intimidated. Thankfully, Alice engaged the sales lady on my behalf, and I let them both subject me to several items above and beyond lip gloss. I was adamant with the clerk that I was strictly a low maintenance type of girl, and that nuanced things, such as eyeliner and spot concealer were simply going to be lost on me.

When all was said and done, I walked away with two shades of gloss, one lipstick, an eye shadow dual pack and blush. I refused to touch mascara because my eyes were frequently dry and I rubbed them too much without realizing it. I simply didn't have the patience for foundation. Besides, if I needed it badly enough, I could use the cheaper stuff I'd bought last weekend.

We met Mom at four, and Alice helped me get ready. I let them decide on an outfit that would be warm, comfortable, and cute, while still looking pretty. They fussed over my hair and decided to stick hot rollers in to give me some body and curl.

The makeup was, admittedly, something of a challenge. The lady at the counter had made it look so much easier. I stabbed my eyeball more than once with the brush, and no matter what I did, I still managed to over-blush my cheeks with the powder (how I even got talked into blush was beyond me). Mom and Alice were exceptionally patient while I figured it out.

When I was finally done, I had to admit, I didn't look half bad. Unfortunately, they weren't done with my hair. With all the teasing, hairspray, and blowdrying, I was seriously beginning to reconsider my date altogether. Surely this wasn't what woman went through all the time, was it? All this work for a free meal and maybe a bit of kissing?

When six-thirty rolled around, I was already feeling a bit cranky and hungry. My mega-mall meal wasn't enough to fuel me for this long, and I didn't want to eat too much right before going out. I had no idea if Jake had planned on dinner, so I had a piece of dry toast to tide me over, and then brushed my teeth as soon as I was done.

We both heard the doorbell ring, and Alice's giggle was practically infectious. "Ooo, I can't wait to meet him, Bella!"

I wrinkled my nose. "He's awfully early. Wonder why?"

Then we heard Mom shouting from the living room. "Alice, sweetie, your ride is here!"

"Aw crap," she snarled, "now I'm gonna miss out! You have to tell me everything! Don't spare any details! I expect a full report tomorrow morning, got it?"

"Yes, fairy godmother. I'll call you after I've changed back into my rags with my single glass slipper in hand."

"Bibbidy bobbidy boo, Bella! Turn around. I want one last inspection before I declare you officially ready!"

I rolled my eyes at her, shaking my head and smiling. Overall, I think my team of stylists had done a pretty good job. My hair was a bit bigger than usual, but not obnoxiously so—the top had been teased up, then pulled back on the sides, leaving the rest of my hair long and wavy behind my ears, which were adorned with a pair of long, dangling earrings. I had to admit that the makeup had just enough punch while still looking tasteful. I wore a white and pink pinstriped blouse underneath a snug blue sweater, a short denim skirt with black leggings, scrunched ankle socks and a new pair of hot pink Keds.

For the first time in my teenaged existence, I actually felt cute. Alice bounced and clapped as I did a 360° spin for her. She pushed my hair off my shoulders, then brought back a couple of curls to frame my face.

"Perfect!" she declared, then hugged me. "You're gonna knock him dead!"

"Thanks," I said, beaming. "C'mon, I'll walk you out."

Alice stepped ahead of me down the short hallway, then turned into the living room. "What are you doing here? I thought Mom was coming to get me."

I stopped suddenly, just barely avoiding slamming into her back. I was more than shocked to see Edward standing in my living room. For his part, he seemed to be so fixated on me that it took him a moment to realize that Alice had asked him a question.

The way he looked at me made me instantly blush.

"Oh, um, Mom told me you guys had been out shopping all day, so I offered to come pick you up. I thought, maybe, the three of us could go out for pizza or something?" He smiled, shrugged a little, and looked ridiculously charming.

"Edward," my Mom chimed in, "that's really quite thoughtful of you, but Bella has a date tonight." I knew she was excited for me, but the wide grin on her face was a bit much.

"Oh?'' he replied, looking both surprised and a little disappointed. I felt bad, rejecting this olive branch, but I didn't really have a choice.

"Yeah, doesn't she look _great_," Alice drawled, fishing for a compliment on my behalf. I reddened further and rolled my eyes at her.

"Um, you look... you look really nice."

"Thanks," I looked at my shoes, embarrassed.

"Have fun tonight, Bella! Thanks again for driving us, Ms. Swan!" Alice hugged me and waved to us before heading towards the door.

"Thanks again, Alice. Um, goodnight you guys."

I waved back. I couldn't really look at Edward. There were still too many difficult emotions swirling around and I was nervous enough as it was.

Mom opened the door for them as they started walking out. "Yes, Alice, thank you for all your help," she smiled at her, "be safe driving home, kids. Goodnight."

She almost had the door closed before adding, "Look at the time, Bella. Jake should be here any minute."

Alice kept walking, but Edward paused in the doorway. "Jake?" he questioned, before turning around to face us.

"Oh, have you met him? What's he like? Is he cute?" Mom babbled.

I could see the traces of a scowl on Edward's face, and I started to panic.

_He's gonna tell her about last weekend. About how I broke a bunch of rules by drinking and sneaking away from the hotel. He's gonna blame it all on Jake. He's going to rat me out to my own mother, get me grounded, and screw up my whole life!_

My first kiss, and now my first date—he was going to ruin everything..._AGAIN!_


	5. I Could Be Happy

_Um, so, like...wow!_

_I was already blown away by the response to this fic, but after getting recs from the ultra-fab AngstGoddess003 and bananapancakes7 last week, my inbox asploded with love. Ladies, as if I wasn't already enamored with you for your works, I'm totally honored by your recs. You have no idea. And to all the readers, thank you all so much...I'm overwhelmed. I hope I don't let you down._

_*brandishes Academy Award in the air*_

_You like me! You really like me!_

_*ducks*_

_C'mon, like you didn't see that coming!_

_A couple of quick notes:_

_• There's still time to donate to MsKathy's TwiFans for Haiti fundraiser - mskathyff(dot)blogspot(dot)com/2010/01/haiti(dot)html - me and KayCannon, my beta extraordinaire, are two of the bazillion authors signed up to participate. $5 gets you a story from __each and __every one of us, no lie._

_• Some peeps have asked about KickedPuppyward's side of the story. I am planning on doing this sucker EPOV-style once it's done. Don't know if it'll be a few outtakes or the whole thing, but the boy's gotta have a chance to tell his side of the story._

_• Apologies for not responding to all the reviews. I'll try to keep up in future, or, you can always PM me or check me over at Twitter. I am an unabashed Twitter h00r - a Twitter twat, if you will. Old username, filthier words._

_• Lastly, if you feel like reading some really good AU angst - COMPLETED AU angst - then please check out nosleep3's **A Fate Worse Than Death** - www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/s/4914683/1/Fate_Worse_Than_Death. This story owned me up and down. I'm dying for the companion piece._

_Thanks, KayCannon, for all your hard work. Thanks, AmethystJackson, for the feedback._

_Sorry for the wait. I'm hoping the extra wordiness will make up for it. _

* * *

_all of these things I do  
all of these things I do  
to get away from you _

_get away, run away, far away, how do I  
escape from you?_

**I Could Be Happy - Altered Images**

**

* * *

**

_**Chapter 5 - I Could Be Happy**_

"Edward!" I blurted out, before he could say anything to Mom. Unfortunately, I couldn't think of anything else after that. The three of them stared, waiting for me to explain my outburst.

"Um, can I... can I talk to you for a moment?" I choked out, forcing a smile. I was hoping it looked congenial enough, even though it was laced with panic and, quite possibly, thoughts of murder. It all depended on what happened in the next few minutes.

Edward glanced at my Mom, as if asking permission, then stepped towards me back into the living room. He looked surprised, seeing as how I hadn't initiated more than a sentence throughout the week. But, I could still see the hint of a scowl on his face, and possibly a little bit of fear.

Speaking of which, it had only just occurred to me where our conversation would have to take place. We couldn't go outside, because either Alice would follow or Jake could arrive early. The living room was no good, again, because of Alice, not to mention my Mom. The whole point of pulling Edward aside would be to get him out of her earshot. That left only one choice: my bedroom—my one safe haven through all of this! And now it was going to be defiled, just so I could convince my former best friend not to narc on me.

Reluctantly, I turned around and headed back down the hallway. I opened the door and waited for him to step in, before closing it behind us. As he stood there, slowly taking in the contents of my room, I realized that he'd never been in here before.

Our two-bedroom apartment was tiny compared to where the guys lived. The times we hung out were usually at his or Emmett's houses, or somewhere else altogether. Watching him survey the most minuscule details of my sanctuary made me feel more exposed than I thought possible. It was uncomfortable, a bit exciting, and absolutely not what I needed right now.

"Whatever you were thinking about saying out there, just don't, okay?! You owe me that much!" He turned to face me, looking more surprised than before. "I didn't tell my Mom any of the gory details about how I met Jake, or how you _interfered_. If you tell her I was drinking, I'll get shipped off to one of Charlie's jail cells for God knows how long."

"Bella, I wouldn't... You _really_ think I would rat you out to your Mom?" He looked offended, and even a bit angry. His indignation only piqued mine.

"Honestly, I don't know what to think anymore. Look, I know you don't like him, but what do you care, anyway?"

"What... what do I _care?_ Bella, I'm still your friend, and I care about what happens to you. I'm sorry if I don't like the guy who happened to get my friend drunk and then dragged her off to the middle of nowhere!"

"Oh, please. Don't make it sound so ominous, you drama queen!"

"Drama queen?" his voice raised in a barely hushed whisper. Then he took a step closer to me. "Did you ever stop to consider the worst case scenario of what _could_ have happened that night? If Jake _wasn't_ the standup guy you seem to think he is?"

In all honesty, it hadn't crossed my mind that I could have walked off that night with the friendly neighborhood date rapist. That maybe leaving the hotel hadn't been my best decision ever, but I couldn't let him know that. Not right now. I hated being backed into a corner by the logic of his argument. So, like any irrational and emotional teenager, I lashed out at him.

"Well gee, it's a good thing _you_ were there to save the day. I could have ended up feeling cheap and dirty… Naive and stupid... Oh, waitaminute... I DID!" I could feel my words cutting into him, but this was my territory, and I refused to be intimidated.

"That's not fair!" he snarled.

"Not _fair?" _I gaped at him. "Are you fucking kidding me? Did you or did you not treat me like some horse you were breaking in to be ridden?"

He blanched at the comparison. "I thought I was doing you a favor."

"I didn't _ask_ you to do me a _favor!" _I practically screamed at him, while trying desperately to keep my voice low. "It was _my first kiss_, dammit, not loaning me a pencil in class or giving me a ride home! Do you not get that? It may not have meant shit to you, but _I_ wanted it to be something special. I also wanted it to be something someone _wanted_ to share with me." Once again, I could feel the all-too-familiar prickling of tears waiting to fall. "And you ruined it, just like you're ruining this," I choked out.

He closed his eyes, sighed, and then clenched his fist into his hair. "I'm sorry, Bella. I fucked up. I know. _Believe me_, I know. But I swear, I wasn't trying to ruin anything, then or now."

I sighed, trying to allow the tension of unshed tears to dissipate.

Of course he wasn't trying to ruin anything before. It wasn't his fault that I was hopelessly in love with him. It wasn't his fault that my heart was broken and I felt stupid for ever thinking there could be anything more between us.

It wasn't his fault that he would never feel for me the way I did for him.

"I know," I whispered, defeated. "I'm sorry I thought the worst." All the pique, and the anger, drained from my body as I wilted before him.

"No, Bella, don't apologize to _me!_" his words tumbled out, horrified. He grasped my upper arms, and we both locked wide eyes. The physical sensation of contact was stunning. He let go just as quickly, then stepped back.

I couldn't keep doing this. The contradiction of my need for him against the reality of the situation threatened to break me open every time. Now, more than ever, I could see the absolute necessity of distancing myself, and finding some way of letting him go.

I didn't want to hurt him. I didn't want him to feel guilty. I just needed him to be gone.

"No, really Edward, it's okay," I sighed, dropping my head. "I...I should have stopped you. Told you 'no' or something. You didn't know I'd had it all romanticized and built up." _You didn't know I'd had _you_ all romanticized and built up._ "And really, how could you? I'm sorry I overreacted." Each word left me feeling more and more thrashed on the inside—beaten and weak.

"What? No... No, Bella, you didn't overreact. It was my fault, I shouldn't have... I'm sorry I kissed you like that!"

"I know you are," I said, hearing my voice crack. I could feel the beginnings of an epic breakdown. Those last seven words would play in my head on an infinite loop, mocking my inexperience and delusions. God help me, I didn't want to cry, not now... _please!_ "It's alright, really. I understand. But you should go now, because Jake's gonna be here any second and I have to finish getting ready." I rushed through the words, trying to get rid of him before I lost the tenuous control on my emotions.

"Shit! No, wait, I didn't mean—" he tried to add.

"Edward, please!" I begged, looking up and allowing him to see my desperation. "You need to go," I whispered. He looked stricken, but swallowed and nodded at me.

"Okay," he whispered in return. "But, just promise me something, okay?" I couldn't answer; could barely look at him, so he continued. "Be careful tonight. I know you think he's a nice guy, and he probably is, but I don't trust him."

I nodded quickly. I wasn't going to be able to hold out much longer.

"Goodnight, Bella," he said, softly, then walked past me and opened the door.

_Goodbye, Edward._

I waited until I heard him leave through the front door before I ran for the bathroom. Grabbing a towel, I pressed it against my mouth to muffle the sound of my choking dry sobs. I drew in shrieking gulps of air, my body wracked with grief. I was shaking, and it took me a few moments to finally calm down, but at least I hadn't shed a single tear. It was a bittersweet victory, but in any case I could face the rest of my evening without looking as awful as I felt.

I glanced at myself in the mirror, shocked at how normal I seemed compared to what I was really experiencing. I left the bathroom and sat on the couch in the living room. Mom didn't say anything at first. She just stared, and I felt oddly calm and vacant as I compartmentalized the pain.

"Bella, honey? Is everything alright?" I nodded. "Honey?" she asked again.

"I'm fine, Mom. Just a little nervous is all." I gave her a wan smile. It was the best I could muster under the circumstances.

In this one instance, I was thankful I had more than enough experience in dealing with Edward-related trauma. With surgical precision, I excised the emotional turmoil from my heart and mind and put in on a shelf. There'd be plenty of time to deal with it—to truly mourn the loss—later.

The rest of the evening would be spent in trying to find some happiness of my own. For once, it would be completely non-Edward dependent, and for that I was grateful. I didn't even know if it was possible, but I was willing to try.

I _needed_ to try.

It looked as if Mom was going to say something, but then the doorbell rang. We locked eyes, and her infectious smile triggered my own. I was surprised mine was real this time. I stood up and smoothed down my sweater, inviting the giddy and nervous anticipation to take hold.

I deserved to take this chance. Jake certainly deserved to have the best I could offer. I only had to trust that somehow everything else would work itself out in the end.

I took a deep breath, exhaled, and then went to open the door. Even though it had only been a week, I'd forgotten how handsome Jake actually was. He stood in our doorway, tall and dressed in a simple black turtleneck, dark blue jeans, and black Doc Marten's. The entire outfit contrasted beautifully against the burnt sienna richness of his skin. His face lit up in a smile when he saw me.

"Hi Bella," he said, and I blushed as his eyes raked over me. "Wow, you look fantastic!" I gave a nervous laugh before replying.

"You don't look so bad yourself, Jake. Come in." I opened the door wider and stood back to let him enter. "Um, this is my Mom. Mom, this is Jake."

"Jake, it's nice to finally meet you." She shook his hand. "Bella's told me quite a bit about you. So, you're in student council, as well?"

"Oh, yeah. Senior class president over at Corona del Sol, Ms. Swan," he answered.

"So, what do you kids have planned for tonight?"

"Well, I promised to beat Bella, here, at some mini-golf, and then maybe give her a chance to regain her dignity with some skee-ball," he teased, nudging me in the side.

"I told you, I'm deadly with a putter in my hand. You'd best keep your distance."

"Especially if you want to keep your teeth," Mom added. Jake laughed while I blushed again.

"_Mom!" _I whined.

"Nah, it's alright, Ms. Swan. My best friend's mom is a dentist. I have her direct line and can be at her office in twenty minutes if Bella gets out of hand."

"Hey, whose side are you on?" I balked.

"_Be prepared_, Bella. Haven't you ever heard the Boy Scout motto?"

"Oh really, and what else are you prepared for?"

"Well, my Dad does make me keep a first aid kit handy."

"So, dentist: check. First aid kit: check. And what do you have for your wounded pride once I beat you on the golf course?"

"If we weren't on a date, I'd say put your money where your mouth is, Swan. Somehow, it just doesn't seem right to take your money when I'm trying to make a good impression."

"Well," Mom interrupted, "you've certainly made a good enough impression here. Just make sure to be home by midnight, okay you two?"

"Sure thing, Ms. Swan." Jake turned to look at me. "Shall we?" He held his hand out and I took it. Then, he swung our arms playfully between us.

"Have fun, kids!" Mom called, as I grabbed my house keys before heading out.

Once we stepped outside, I could feel the weight lifting from me, as if I'd physically left my troubles behind. Being with Jake certainly seemed like the balm I needed to move forward, and I was happy to leave my internal drama, temporarily, behind. We continued to walk towards the parking lot of the complex, and I spied what must have been his white Blazer.

"It's my Dad's," he commented, opening the door for me and helping me in. "I'll have to bring mine next time we go out." He winked.

"Someone's optimistic," I joked while buckling my seatbelt. He ran around to jump in the driver's side. Then he leaned towards me, before turning the key in the ignition. "Bella, it's gonna take a lot more than a golf putter and your two bodyguards to scare me off this time. I don't make the same mistake twice."

#~#~#

It took about half an hour to get up to Metro and navigate our way through the parking lot to find a decent space. We'd lucked out and had been able to park in front of the main castle entrance, rather than across the street. Every teenager in town was aware of the jaywalking trap that lay between the Metro Center mall parking lot and the Metro Parkway side entrance to Golf N Stuff.

There was one crosswalk that bridged the gap between the two, and you had to face the gauntlet of proselytizing, born-again teens on the median if you used it. The foolish few who dared to run across the street, at unauthorized points, were inevitably nailed by the cops that coalesced from mid-air just as their feet hit the ground of the Promised Land. The threat of getting a ticket was marginally outweighed by the uncomfortable discussion of one's personal salvation with a bunch of zealous, grinning strangers.

Jake was quite the gentleman, opening my door and helping me out of the Blazer. He continued to hold my hand as we entered the main arcade and traversed our way through the teeming masses of token-carrying teens, intent on feeding the banks of Tetris machines lining the walls. We traveled the quarter-circle until we reached the snack bar and the exit that lead out to the four golf courses. Even with the fairly temperate weather, there weren't too many people in line.

"Did you want something to eat or drink before we head out?"

"No, I'm good. I don't want to have to carry anything while we're out there," I responded.

"Yeah, I noticed. No fifty-pound purse? Where do you keep all your girl things?"

"Wouldn't you like to know," I replied without thinking, and blushing at my audacity.

"I'm not even going to respond to that. Like I said, trying to make a good impression, here," he said, laughing.

"I hope I didn't offend your sensibilities," I countered with a grin.

"Oh no, offended is definitely the last thing I'd be."

It was our turn at the window, and Jake picked up some ride tickets in addition to our rounds of golf. We divvied up balls and putters, and I grabbed a stubby pencil to keep score.

"And now, decisions!" Jake heaved dramatically. "Pick your poison." He gestured to the four numbered courses in front of us.

"Not three. That's where I knocked out my cousin's tooth."

"There's a line for one."

"And a bunch of grade-school kids playing on two."

"Alright then," he settled, smiling at me, "four it is!"

"Oh, I like that one. It's got that shack thing you have to walk through!"

"Time to show me what you got, Bella!" He took my hand and pulled me through the archway of the fourth course until we reached the first hole. "Ladies first."

I sized up the hole – a simple right-angled, horseshoe-shaped course. I placed my ball on the rubber mat in the divot furthest to the right, and took a swing. In my defense, it had been awhile since I played. I'm certain that if I had hit the ball with the right amount of force, it would have neatly hit the two forty-five degree angles and landed fairly close to the hole. What it _actually_ did, however, was went zooming down the first length with such force that it skipped the concrete angle and bounced over and across the divider, landing somewhere on the green of an adjacent hole.

"Oh, crap!"

Jake laughed, a warm and rich sound that didn't belittle in the slightest. In fact, it made _me_ laugh, too, embarrassed as I was.

"Okay, Bionic Woman, you might want to tone that down just bit," he offered, before jumping over the dividers and apologetically fetching my ball from the middle of another group of players. He came back and set it down in the same tee as before.

"Hit it, don't kill it," he teased with a smirk.

"Dangerous weapon in my hand," I warned.

"Don't I know it!"

I stuck my tongue out at him before taking my swing. With much more grace the second time around, the ball made two perfect 'plock' noises, hitting each corner precisely before gliding to a stop near the hole.

"See," I bolstered, smiling, "just a bit rusty! You're in big trouble, buddy!" I jabbed in his direction with my putter.

"Yeah, we'll see about that," he said, before setting his ball in the same notch I had used. He hit it with just a bit more force, and it hit both corners with a solid smack, before gliding straight into the hole.

"You've got to be kidding me."

"Yeah, who's in trouble now?"

I rolled my eyes at him, then couldn't help but return his proud smile with a smirk of my own. It took me two more hits before knocking my ball in. Ever the gentlemen, he fished out both balls from the cup. Thankfully, it was still winter—another well known fact about Golf N Stuff was how their much-feared sewer roaches loved to hide and wait in the holes on the course. In summer, it pretty much became an ongoing game of '_I dare you_ _to stick your hand in there_.' Nothing was more romantic on a date than to run off screaming like a little girl when one of the 'residents' went skittering up your arm.

As the night progressed, I was again struck by the ease of our conversation and how natural it felt to simply hang out. Even though this was officially a date, I didn't feel the ever-present quake of nervous energy that I had expected. With Jake, it felt as if I could just _be_, and that was exactly what I needed.

Of course, this meant I couldn't blame my clumsiness on nerves, either. I know I came close to damaging those pearly whites of his at least twice, of which I was aware. It had been awfully polite of him not to point out how many other near misses there must have been.

Unfortunately, I did succeed in capping his knee on the rolling hills green. There'd been a sickening, hollow 'pop' sound, and I could hear a couple of spectators laughing from one of the other holes. I turned to see Jake cupping his knee, smiling while his face grew redder and more strained.

"Oh, Jake! I am _so_ sorry!" I shrieked, mortified.

"Not a problem." He spoke through gritted teeth, forcing a smile.

"I'm such a menace." I moaned, putting my face in my hands.

"No, really, it's okay. I mean, you did warn me, right?" he pacified, laughing.

"God, you don't play any sports, do you?"

"Nah, basketball doesn't start for another couple of weeks. It's cool." The tips of my ears burned in humiliation.

"Killer Swan strikes again," I muttered.

"Bella," he said, suddenly serious as he put his hands on my shoulders, "I'm fine. Really!" I looked up at him, still embarrassed.

"I'd understand if you ended the evening in the name of self-preservation," I half-joked.

"Hey, remember what I said? It's gonna take a lot more than that to run me off." He gave me a quick hug, which felt just the slightest bit awkward, as we each still had putters in our hands. "However, I will take my revenge by wiping the floor with you." He grinned, and then placed his ball down and lined up his shot. I smiled back, feeling better.

After his third hole-in-one, I resigned myself to the fact that I didn't have a chance of winning. Jake was true to his word and kept hitting par and sub-par for the rest of the evening. I'd already lost one ball to the pond, and nearly popped some poor sixth grader in the eye when my shot went sailing off the ramp of the windmill. Usually, I had a bit more of a competitive streak in me, but somehow, even losing wasn't bothering me in the least.

"Well, unless I can sink this last putt with negative-twelve par, I think you've got me beat," I assessed. "Don't suppose I could chalk up my miserable defeat up to the chilly night air?"

"Not when you've had my jacket on for the last half of the course, but nice try" He smiled in return, once again nailing the hole-in-one on the last shot of the night.

"You know, I think you're a hustler! You purposely led me out here, letting me think I had a shot at winning, just to beat me into the ground."

He seized his chest dramatically. "Bella, you're so right. I've done you a terrible injustice, not letting you knock out any of my teeth out or put me into a coma. However can I make it up to you?"

"Very funny, Arnold Palmer! No, I was thinking some _sharpshooting_ might be in order."

"You're going to _shoot_ me? In front of all these witnesses?"

"Tempting, but no. C'mon, let me show you something I'm really dangerous at!" I grabbed his hand and pulled him towards the suspended bridge that led back to the castle. I stopped at the foot of it, giggling as an errant thought ran through my head. "_What_ is your name?" I exclaimed, doing my best bridgekeeper impersonation.

Jake looked at me, confused.

"_What_ is your quest?" I continued, grinning at him. When he just shook his head and gave me a placating smile in return, I blushed. "Don't suppose you know the capital of Assyria or the airspeed of an unladen swallow?" I tried.

"You are so weird," he mocked, chuckling.

"So I've been told." I sighed, quickly willing away any comparisons. I could hardly fault him for not knowing a _Holy Grail_ quote that would have had Edward and me in stitches.

I treaded slowly, watching some smaller kids running back and forth and jumping on the bridge. The spring that carried along the surface always wreaked havoc with my balance. While I truly hated playing the clichéd damsel in need, I clutched Jake's arm tightly as we walked over the small waterfall.

The grin on his face told me he didn't mind in the least.

"Sorry. I know it's silly, but this stupid thing terrifies me. I'm sure one day I'll go bouncing off into the water. At least the big kids aren't jumping on it today."

He stopped, a mischievous expression darkening his features. "What, you mean like _this?"_

"No!" I screamed as he stepped away from me and jumped. I didn't need the sudden physics lesson of equal and opposite reactions but, when he landed, I stumbled straight into his waiting arms.

"See, it isn't so bad if someone's there to catch you," he enlightened, smiling down at me.

I felt heat blooming on my cheeks as he held on to me much longer than necessary. There was that nervous feeling that had been noticeably absent during the evening, but I wasn't sure what to make of it. I thought he might try to kiss me, until he suddenly jumped to the side.

"What the hell!" he shouted, shifting his weight to one foot. I realized that someone's errant golf ball had smacked him right in the leg, before rebounding into the water. He looked around, trying to figure out where the ball had come from.

I couldn't help but laugh, which earned me an agitated glare from Jake. "I'm sorry. I guess I'm not the only Bella Swan on the course tonight."

"Apparently not," he concurred with a grimace, still looking for the culprit. It did seem a bit weird, considering the bridge was a good distance from most of the courses. However, with my luck, I was just happy he didn't have a concussion by now.

We made it back into the arcade, where Jake bought us five dollars worth of game tokens. I led him to the shooting gallery, intent on regaining a little of my pride. A series of rifles were tethered to a bar that stretched the length of the fake saloon before us. Various items had targets affixed to them—some easier to hit than others.

"Really, Bella? You think you can outgun me?"

"No. I _know_ I can outgun you."

"We'll see about that" He laughed, before popping a token in and leaning against the bar. He took the rifle in hand, and then took his time to hit seven out of ten shots. He had another smirk on his face when he put a token in for my turn.

"Alright, Annie Oakley, show me what you got," he challenged.

"Oh Jake, you have no idea." I shook my head. Then I took the rifle from him. I pinched one eye shut, carefully lining up the sites on the barrel of the gun. With my first target chosen, I squeezed the trigger, fired, and then repeated the process in rapid succession. Ten out of ten shots later, I set the rifle into its frame, leaned back, and gave Jake my most devilish grin. His shocked expression was everything I'd hoped for.

"How... and so quickly?" he asked, stumbling in his question.

"My Dad. He's a police chief back in Washington. Taught me how to shoot. He wanted to make sure that if, _'God forbid, my little girl ever had to pick up a weapon, she'd know what to do with it._'" I quoted Charlie.

"Well, he certainly did an impressive job. That was amazing."

"Yeah, you should see me at carnivals. My bedroom is littered with my spoils of war:plush frogs, ducks, and cows as far as the eye can see." I gave a dramatic sweep of my arm.

"I wouldn't mind seeing that some time." He grinned.

We were already walking towards another bank of arcade games before his meaning hit me. I was glad I wasn't facing him, because I was undoubtedly as red as a tomato by then. Just the thought of not only having a boy in my room, but a boy who actually wanted to be in my room, for - you know - _boy reasons_, was overwhelming.

My thoughts immediately flew to hours before, and an image of Edward standing in my bedroom filled my mind's eye. Edward, staring with discerning eyes and drinking in every detail of my room, making me feel vulnerable and excited all at once. I couldn't help but wonder what it would be like if he were the one with _boy reasons_. Of course, that line of thought was quickly followed by the guilt of being out on date with one boy and thinking about another. I had to make an additional conscious effort to lock away any thoughts of Edward, especially now. I was here with Jake and he certainly deserved better than that.

We played a handful of games, both upstairs and downstairs, before heading back outside to take on the bumper cars. Jake even convinced me to try the bumper boats in the cold weather by offering the continued protection of his jacket, if it got too wet and cold. We finished the evening by hitting the snack bar and eating in the party room. Once again, the conversation flowed easily between us, and we spent a good hour just getting to learn more about each other over pizza slices and Icees.

We were cutting it a little close by not leaving until a quarter past eleven, but I was sure that Mom would be more than willing to cut me some slack. It wasn't like I had a date every weekend, or _ever_, for that matter. It was a quarter to midnight when we pulled into the parking lot of my apartment complex and Jake walked me to the front door.

"Thank you, Jake, for tonight. Well, for _everything_, actually," I said, thinking briefly on all the drama over the last week. Jake and our newfound relationship was certainly the only positive thing I could pull from all of this. He had no idea how much I truly appreciated what he'd done for me;he'd given me hope and a small bit of confidence that I could actually be seen as a girl, for once—something I'd unwittingly given up on.

"Pleasure was all mine, Bella, really." He smiled, taking my hand in his. "So, when are we doing this again?"

"Always so confident," I chided I was both amazed that he wanted to see me again and envious of his easy self-assurance. I wished I could be as laid back and carry myself with the same kind of aplomb.

"Not really," he confided, leaning closer to whisper the words to me. "I just fake it really well."

"You had me fooled," I replied, my voice low and quiet at his admission.

"Actually, I'm really nervous."

I couldn't help it. I laughed. Then I noticed his frown. "I don't understand, Jake. Why on Earth would _you_ be nervous?"

"Well," he answered, coming close enough that I could feel the heat of his breath on my cheek, "I'm nervous for a number of reasons." His other hand brushed along my upper arm. "What if you don't want to see me again?"

"I'd like to see you again," I affirmed, grinning. He smiled back, his hand sliding from my arm towards my cheek.

"And, what if you don't want me to kiss you?" he whispered, gently brushing his knuckles against my jaw.

Now _I_ was nervous. After my disastrous first kiss, I was more than terrified at how this would turn out. Of course, several things were different between the two, but at least I knew Jake _wanted_ to kiss me, for the aforementioned _boy reasons_. This wasn't a favor, and it wouldn't be something I'd feel stupid for later on. I trusted him, at least enough to let him kiss me and to see what we could make of this. Unfortunately, it wasn't like I was some kind of expert or such;I could very easily do something that would embarrass the both of us.

Thank God we didn't both wear braces or suffer from chronic halitosis.

"I think I'd like that very much," I replied, steeling my nerves. I prepared myself for what to expect from my limited experience. I only hoped I could contain myself this time and not get so carried away.

When he leaned towards me, my eyes drifted shut, and then his lips were on mine—all soft and sweet, warm pressure. I mimicked the same feel and movement, careful and expectant all at once, waiting for the spark that would ignite me. We continued to delicately mirror each other for a minute, gentle gasps for air punctuating the silence.

It was a languid kiss, temperate comfort and ease; but no spark, no fire, or embarrassing groping and moaning on my part. Maybe that would come later.

Finally, he pulled back, and beamed at me. I blushed slightly in return.

"Next Saturday?" he asked,eager.

I nodded, grinning back at him. "I'll have to check with my Mom, but that should be alright."

"Call me tomorrow?"

"Yeah." I bit my lip. "As soon as I find out. Oh—" I gasped, remembering I was wearing his jacket. I quickly shrugged out of it, offering it back to him. He was still smiling as he took it from my grasp.

"Okay then, I guess this is goodnight, Bella."

"Goodnight, Jake. Thank you again. I had fun."

"Me too. Bye." He walked backwards, stepping slowly until I'd fished out my keys and opened the door. Once I stepped inside, he waved, and then turned and left.

I locked the door behind me and walked to my room. I wasn't entirely sure what I was feeling at the moment, and before I could analyze it, I heard Mom calling me from her bedroom.

"So?" she asked, waiting. "You didn't really think I was gonna let you by without a debriefing."

"I know, I know," I laughed. "Just let me get changed and stuff. I'll be right in."

"See you in five!"

I went to my room, kicking off my shoes and quickly changing into my pajamas. Even though I barely had any noticeable makeup on, I washed my face anyway, and then brushed out my hair. In my flannel jammies and scrubbed clean, I finally felt like me again—at least, a more cheerful version than my recent self, which was a welcomed change.

Walking into Mom's bedroom, I saw that she'd made us two mugs of Swiss Miss, real marshmallows and all. I sat on the queen bed, crossing my legs with my mug between my hands, and prepared for the barrage of questions. I had hoped to have a few moments of my own to turn over the events of the evening, but maybe talking to Mom about it would help keep it fresher in my head for later.

"So, how did it go?"

"Good. Really good, actually. We had a lot of fun, talked a lot. He's really funny—totally beat me at golf, by the way. I can't decide if that's rude because he beat me so thoroughly, or endearing because he actually played against me, and didn't just let me win."

"I'd say endearing. At least you know he's honest from the get go. That's a good sign, Bella. He's just being himself. What you see is what you get."

I smiled and nodded, again, drawing an unwilling comparison between Jake and _him_. If only Edward had been as perfect as he seemed. I couldn't help the wistful sigh that escaped.

"What? What is it?" Mom's eyes grew wide and wary, alarmed.

"Oh, nothing. It's nothing. I was just wishing we were all what we seemed. It'd make life a lot easier, you know?"

She narrowed her eyes at me. "This is about that boy from last weekend? He of hickey fame?"

My face flamed red in humiliation. She'd read me so easily. I could only nod and lower my head.

"Honey, it's alright. There's nothing wrong with wishing that people were more like what they seemed."

"I just... I just wish I wasn't still attracted to him, you know? I hate that I still think of him, and that I'm comparing Jake to him. It isn't right, and it really bothers me."

"You said you've liked this guy for a long time, right?" I shook my head quickly in affirmation. "Well, it's not like all those feelings just disappear. Sure, eventually it won't hurt so much, and you won't think of him as often, but I'm sorry to tell you, it'll probably be a good while, yet. That's just the way these things work."

"Great," I mumbled. "In the meantime, what? I'm just broken like this?"

"What do you mean, _broken_?"

"I feel like," I whispered, "like I'm _cheating_ or something, on this... this guy who doesn't even want me. God, that sounds so stupid!"

She put our mugs on the nightstand, before pulling me into a hug. "It's not stupid, Isabella. You're young with a very pure heart is all. Things can't always be as black and white as we hope."

"I just want to forget him. I _wish_ I could forget him."

"I know."

"Am I a bad person? For dating Jake when I can't stop thinking about this other guy?" I murmured into her hair.

"Oh sweetie, you're not a bad person. Not at all. You're gonna find, as time goes on, that this just gets more difficult. Everyone has their own baggage:ex-girlfriends, boyfriends, husbands, and wives. No one comes with a blank slate.

"But, you try to move on. You try to build new connections and put your past behind you in search of something better. You have to."

But what if I didn't deserve better? I was always going to love Edward, and I could never imagine it going away, or even fading. At least, it felt as if it never would—the curse of the overdramatic teenager.

I sighed. "It feels like I'm always gonna feel this way."

"I know, but you won't. Not always." She patted my back.

I wanted to tell her she was wrong. That even though she'd been through marriage and divorce and a couple of failed boyfriends, that she couldn't possibly understand the depth of my feelings—this unquenchable ache of wanting and never, ever having. The pain of actually experiencing the bliss and fire of what could be, and then being permanently denied. I wanted to rail against her assertions, scream that no one could possibly understand, and cry myself numb.

But, I had to cling to the hope that she was right. That one day I wouldn't feel this void, this need, this ever-present denial. I had to believe that someday, in the not-too-distant future, I could just see Edward as some guy I went to high school with—a buddy, an acquaintance—and not the end-all, be-all of my existence. It seemed impossible, unfathomable, but I needed that hope to survive.

"Promise?" I asked, both hoping and dreading that she'd say yes. Part of me wanted the misery that came with unrequited love. It didn't make sense, but that didn't make it any less true.

"I promise," she said. "In the end, we're all responsible for our own happiness, and you do deserve happiness, Bella. More than anyone I know, you deserve to find what makes you happy; be it a boy, a job, a hobby, almost anything. Don't let this pain dictate what you do with your life. It's not wrong to want something better for yourself, and at the very least, you deserve to try. I'm so very proud of you for trying." She kissed my forehead. Then she wiped away an errant tear from my cheek.

"So," she changed the subject, lightening and grinning, "what else did you two do tonight?"

I felt considerably better. I picked up my mug and took a long draw of my hot chocolate, then told her about my abysmal performance on the golf course, and how I'd redeemed myself in the shooting gallery.

"Ever your father's daughter. I hope you didn't embarrass the poor boy."

"Hardly. It was the only thing I could beat him at." I continued with the various games and attractions, and the snack foods that served for our first meal together. I also reiterated how easy the conversation flowed between us, and how, throughout nearly the entire date, I hadn't felt nervous or giddy in the least.

"No butterflies?"

"Not really, no. I thought there would be, but it was all just so..."

"Comfortable?"

"Yes," I snapped. "That's exactly it. I was really surprised by that. I thought I'd be a nervous wreck the whole evening."

There was an expression that wasn't quite a frown on her face, but I could tell she was thinking about something. She seemed to mull it over before continuing. "So, did he kiss you?"

I blushed again, nodding fervently. "Right now, before we said goodnight."

"Well, how was it?" she prodded, beaming at me.

"It was... It was…" I thought about it, replaying the tiny details of sensation and how it actually felt. "It was _nice_."

"Nice?" she questioned. I thought about it some more, wincing a bit as I struggled to think of a better word.

"Um, pleasant?" I tried. She laughed. "Is there something wrong with 'pleasant'?" I asked, feeling embarrassed.

"No, nothing at all," she answered, smiling. "I guess he's just more polite than he looks."

"What is that supposed to mean?" I asked, confused.

"I just expected him to sweep you off your feet, is all. If he was going to kiss you, I thought he'd bring out the big guns. You know, rock your world, knock your socks off, and all that jazz." She laughed, again. "The way a boy kisses you - the way it makes you feel - just says it all. God, the first time I kissed your dad, I thought my ears were gonna melt off my head."

"Eww, Mom!"

"Damn, you know, for all his faults, the man _could_ kiss. And when he grew that moustache..."

"Oh, _no!_ No, no, no!" I clapped my hands over my ears, trying to keep the image of my parents making out from burning into my head. She smiled wistfully, a teasing gleam in her eye as she waited for me to uncover my ears. I hesitantly lowered my hands.

"And it didn't just tickle my _lip_..."

"Oh GROSS!" I screamed, throwing a pillow at her and jumping out of bed. I could hear her laughter follow me down the hall.

"Goodnight sweetie! I love you!" she called out.

"Goodnight, Mom. I'm calling Child Protective Services in the morning!" I yelled back, caught between laughter and disgust.

Just...ew! That was my _Dad_ she was talking about! Didn't she appreciate how damaging that conversation was? Everyone knew that parents were _asexual_, dammit! I firmly held onto the belief that I'd come swaddled in blankets from the stork one afternoon. It kept me sane.

I'd never look at my Dad's moustache the same again.

_EW!_

#~#~#

Jake leaned in, brushing my jaw with his rough knuckles, and kissed me. It was cozy, like a warm blanket. It seemed to last for awhile—long enough that my mind drifted to other trivial minutia. My eyes were still closed when he stepped away.

I took a breath, and then gasped when I felt soft fingertips gliding along my jaw, palms cupping my cheeks, my head tilting back. Raw energy shot down my spine from the touch alone, and then sultry lips met mine and I felt as if I would explode. I didn't need to open my eyes; didn't need to see what my senses could easily detect.

Sparks.

Fire.

Combustion.

Edward.

_Edward. Edward. Edward._

My arms flew around his neck. My lips became supple and pliant beneath his. We swallowed each other's heated puffs and gasps for air, each needing more and more and _more_.

His kisses flew to my neck and I squeezed him tightly to me—wanton groans and murmurs punctuating our movements. His moan, a perfect duplication from our first encounter, echoed in my ears. I threaded my fingers into his hair, gripping the radiant tresses of copper while I endured bliss.

Sheer bliss.

#~#~#

I woke with a pillow clutched in my fists. The poor thing had only ever been good to me and I'd practically ripped it apart in my sleep. Slowly, I unfurled my fingers, sighing from the loss of my dream and the guilt that came with it.

I thought back to what Mom had said about kissing, trying my best to forever censor the parts about Dad.

'_The way a boy kisses you - the way it makes you feel - just says it all.'_

I punched my defenseless pillow, fisting it tightly under my head as I curled on my side. All Edward's kiss said to me was that he was a good kisser. End of story!

_If you believe that, I have a bridge I'd like to sell you, _my subconscious chimed.

#~#~#

I was a growing teenager and, as such, sometimes required a ridiculous amount of sleep. I'd gone shopping early with Alice on Saturday, stayed out late that same night, and was making up for it now. But, I did have _priorities_.

I grumbled, hitting the snooze on my alarm clock. 11:40—I had two more snoozes left. I had no recollection of utilizing snooze number two. However, when I unstuck one eye to see 11:58 gleaming back at me, on snooze number three, I threw off my comforter and flew down the hall, stumbling in the process.

"Isabella!" Mom admonished, as I frantically jammed a tape into the VCR and fiddled with the rabbit ears. "Must you do that _every_ Sunday?"

"Sorry Mom; overslept," I explained. I had to concentrate on the clarity of Channel Eight and wait for the station logo before hitting record.

"It's PBS, sweetie. They do rerun shows from time to time."

"Mom," I complained, sighing and rolling my eyes, "it could be _years_ before this is on again. They run the whole series before restarting them. Do you have any idea how many shows that is?"

"No, but I'm sure you do."

"Um, actually, I don't," I said, mulling it over. "I just know it's a lot!"

"And what, exactly, are you going to do with all these tapes of yours?" She gestured to the stack by the television, each labeled with exactly four stories.

"It's my library. It's not like I can just buy them or something. I like having them in my collection." I almost pouted, defending my accumulation of classic British science fiction. The large _Eight_ logo appeared on screen, and I waited for that magic moment when it went black, right before the credits. I punched the two-fingered salute against 'play' and 'record', before leaning back, relieved with accomplishment when I heard the theme music and watched the credits.

"How is it that he doesn't trip over that dumb scarf?"

"Mom!"

"And, you know that looks like a Port-A-Potty."

"_Mo-om!"_

"I'm just saying, only the British would come up with a hero who can't dress and travels the universe in a portable toilet."

#~#~#

At exactly 1:32 p.m., the phone rang. I had just ejected my tape and was labeling it with a fine line Sharpie when Mom called out to me.

"Bella, honey, it's Alice!"

"Be right there, Mom!" I yelled back, capping my marker and running down the hall to my bedroom. I picked up my blue neon and plastic phone. Then I hollered, "Got it!"

"Okay, Bella. I was patient. I waited for _Doctor Who_ to be over and everything before I called. So _spill!"_

"Oh, you know," I smiled, "it was just some miniature golf and greasy food."

"Really? That's how you're gonna treat me? After all my hard work?" she whined.

"Of course not, Alice!" I teased, laughing. "I just, I dunno...I mean, what do you want to know?"

"_Everything_, of course!" she clarified with a huff. "Like, what does he drive? What was he wearing? Did your mom like him? _What the hell did you and Edward talk about?"_ She nearly growled.

And there went my good mood.

"Um, nothing really," I scrambled, completely caught off guard.

For some stupid reason it never occurred to me that I'd need to spin a story about my conversation with Edward. It didn't help that I'd also been keeping last weekend's whole incident from her. I was practically lying by omission, and I hated that feeling. She was supposed to be the one person in my life who knew everything, and I'd ruined that, as well.

"Oh really? So 'nothing' is why he was all grumpy and quiet and shit on the way home, then hid out at Emmett's all night?"

"Well, we, um… We kinda had a fight. Sort of…" I winced, struggling to explain.

"Oooh!" she perked up. "Over what? Over Jake?"

"Yeah, but, um, maybe not exactly for the reasons you're thinking," I offered.

"What, that _maybe_ he's finally realized what an idiot he is? That he saw you all gorgeous and Alice-fied and figured he'd better make a move, or else?"

I sighed. Alice and I were both obviously suckers for clichéd romance. "Not quite."

"Oh, you two are sooo Dave and Maddie!" She squealed.

"No, Alice, it's not like that." _As much as I wish it was._

"So, spill it, Swan! What the hell is going on with you two?"

I took a deep breath. "Okay, I had to talk to Edward because I thought he was going to blow the whole date for me."

"What, like, go all macho and stuff?"

"No, like, go all _21 Jump Street_ and stuff."

"Oooh, Officer Hanson! But, I don't get it."

"Edward caught me with Jake last weekend. We weren't doing anything at the time - just talking and stuff. But, um, we maybe had a little to drink..."

"NO WAY!"

"Alice..."

"Ohmigod, he's made you a deviant! I'm so proud of you!"

"_Alice!"_

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, go on!"

"Edward went all overbearing big brother. He scared Jake off by threatening to turn him in to Corona's adviser, and then we had a big fight. Lots of yelling, not pretty."

"Wow... That certainly explains a lot."

"What do you mean?"

"…Why Edward's been moping around like a girl all week." She suddenly gasped, "OHMIGOD, WAS JAKE THE ONE THAT PUNCHED HIM?!"

I winced. "Um, no. Actually, that...that was me."

"Holy. Shit." She sounded awed.

"Not pretty, remember?"

"_You_ did that? That punch to the jaw?"

"Not my finest moment, I'll admit." I sighed.

"No fucking way! Why?!"

"I told you, it was a seriously huge fight. We said a lot of really ugly, really vicious things to each other. I mean, I'm still not really even talking to him. I think that's maybe why he came over to get you last night."

"He's trying to make it up to you?"

"Maybe… I dunno."

"You hit him?"

"Alice!"

"I'm just...wow! What the hell did he say, Bella? I mean for you... _you,_ to hit _him_..."

"I can't. Not yet, okay. Maybe later - like, much later. I've been trying to put this behind me all week."

"And you didn't talk to _me?"_ she whined.

"I couldn't, Alice. Look, as pissed as I am at Edward, I don't want to screw up _your_ relationship with him. You shouldn't be mad at him because of me. It's bad enough that Emmett..."

"Emmett!" she shrieked. I pinched my eyes shut.

"Shit!" I whispered, away from the receiver.

"So, _Emmett's_ the one who gave him the black eye!"

"Yeah... That was Emmett, defending my honor and all."

"How could you not tell me any of this?!"

"I'm sorry, Alice. I swear. I can barely deal with it as it is, but I'm trying. I've _been_ trying, but really, I don't know if I can even be friends with Edward anymore."

"What?" she whispered.

"I still love him, Alice. I do. But, it just hurts too much. After that fight, I found out it could hurt a lot, _lot_, worse than I ever imagined. I just _can't_...I can't leave myself open like that again. Being around him is like some horrible, bleeding wound. I can't do it anymore." I sniffled.

"Jesus, Bella. What happened between you two?"

"Call it a rude awakening. It just really opened my eyes."

"I'm gonna kill him."

"No, Alice, don't! That's why I didn't want to say anything in the first place. Think about it: I should have known this would happen, eventually. How long could I keep up the stupid pretense of 'just friends' anyway? We'll still be friends, you and me. I promise, no matter what..."

"I love you, Bella!" she choked out.

"I love you too, Alice," I replied, stifling a sob. "But, I'm gonna go now, okay? I've had more than enough crying this week. It's been all sorts of _Terms of Endearment_, and I just need to get grounded again. Otherwise, I'm gonna just cry on the phone with you all afternoon."

"Okay," she whimpered. "Promise you'll call me later? We'll talk about happy things?"

"Promise."

"Love you."

"You too."

"Bye."

I hung up the phone, swallowed a shaky breath, and collapsed on my bed, yet again.

#~#~#

I washed my face and finally got dressed. I found Mom out front, applying her brown thumb to the small planter of flowers and herbs we'd put in when we first moved.

"Hey, I see you've joined the world of the appropriately clothed."

"Yeah, the life of the teenager. You up for meatloaf tonight? I can start it now."

"Sounds good," she approved nodding.

"Oh, and, um, would it be okay if I went out with Jake again this coming Saturday? I told him I had to check with you first."

"Of course it's fine. Why wouldn't it be?"

"I dunno, I didn't want to assume."

"Were you looking for an easy out, maybe?" she inferred, smirking.

"No," I whined. "But, um...Mom, there's, there's something I should tell you."

"Uh oh."

"Yeah, uh oh," I answered, barely meeting her eyes.

"Well, what is it?"

"You know how I told you I met Jake last weekend, at the conference."

"Yeah?"

"We were with a group of kids in one of the rooms, and...and...weweredrinking," I rushed.

"Isabella!"

"I know, I'm sorry! It was just a little bit, I swear. I just wanted to try it once."

She folded her arms across her chest, giving me the most ridiculous of stern glares. I would have laughed if it had been any other time.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner. I was afraid Edward was going to tell you last night, and I realized that I should have said something when I got home, but then I was all upset over that stupid kiss thing. I'm sorry, Mom. I'm so sorry. I didn't want to disappoint you!" I started to cry, _again_.

She wrapped me in a hug. "Oh honey, I can't lie and say I'm proud or anything, but I do understand. I know you, and I know you're responsible. If this is the worst you ever do, then I'm a very, _very_ lucky mom."

"I'm so sorry."

"You're probably punishing yourself more than I could. Still, no TV this week, okay?" I nodded. "And, Bella? If you ever decide to drink again, I don't care where or when or why, you promise me no driving. Not ever!"

"I swear, honest!"

"You call me in the dead of night, and I will come get you, no questions asked. Promise me."

"I promise, Mom."

"Okay." She kissed my forehead. "Go wash up and get dinner started. I'll give you a hand in a few minutes."

"You're still okay with me going out with Jake?"

She huffed. "Well, I can't say my opinion of him has gotten better, but I trust you. If any situation comes up that you're uncomfortable with, I know you'll make the right decision."

"Thanks, Mom," I mumbled, feeling sheepish that she still trusted me.

I walked back into apartment, feeling somewhat ashamed, but a whole hell of a lot lighter. After mostly coming clean during my earlier phone call with Alice, I figured I should be straight with Mom, as well. True, I still hadn't told her who my unnamed kisser was, but at this point, she knew everything else. I could phone Jake with a clear enough conscience that Mom knew we'd been drinking, yet still allowed me to go out with him.

I called Jake, and let him know that we were on for Saturday. He'd wisely chosen the much safer option of dinner and a movie for our second go round. The worst damage I could do was possibly poking him in the eye while reaching for popcorn.

After dinner, I phoned Alice, like I had promised. We broke down all the tiny details of my date, and she interpreted every word and gesture like a gypsy reading tea leaves. She nearly deafened me when I told her about the kiss, and that we were supposed to go out again. She even offered to come over once again, and help doll me up.

While I wasn't opposed to spending time with her, I wasn't sure if I was up for another round of her full court press. In the end, we compromised on makeup help, a minimum of hairspray, and an introduction between her and Jake. She insisted that part was required for her optimum assessment.

#~#~#

'_The way a boy kisses you - the way it makes you feel - just says it all.'_

Sparks.

Fire.

Combustion.

_Edward_.

#~#~#

God, I was sick of waking up all sweaty and frustrated!

#~#~#

"Hey," Edward greeted, taking his seat across from me in English. From his body language alone, I could tell he was being cautious.

"Hey," I muttered, before realizing I probably shouldn't have responded. I was still feeling out of sorts from my lack of sleep, having struggled to go back to bed after another _stupid_ dream about that _stupid_ kiss. Now, I looked and felt like hell.

Just another typical Monday.

"Wow, you already look like you want to shoot the whole day down," he joked. I laughed before I could stop myself.

"Yeah," I sighed, "you could say that."

"Nothing a couple of Cokes can't fix," he offered.

"Ugh, no! I've gone cold turkey."

"What did Coke ever do to you?"

"It came out my nose, for one." I recoiled, remembering my desert escapade with Emmett. I waited for the pain and embarrassment of the memory to take hold but, thankfully, it wasn't as raw as I thought it'd be.

"Oh, um, yeah," he mumbled, clearly uncomfortable. "So, I take it everything went okay Saturday?"

"Yeah..." I nodded, the oddness of the whole conversation hitting me. "Um, no, it...it was great."

"Good. I mean, I'm glad to know he's not an ax murderer or something."

"Nope; no hockey mask. No razor-fingered glove, either." I smirked. God, this was too easy—just falling back into conversation with him. Part of me hated how good it felt.

"Well, good," he answered, and then paused before saying anything else. "You know, I was just trying to look out for you, honest. I wouldn't have tried to ruin that for you."

I could only nod, not trusting my response.

"I mean, we always look out for each other. We're still friends, right?" He smiled, ever so slightly, trying to bring some lightness to the question.

I hoped it was a rhetorical.

"Bella?"

_Damn!_

I turned my head to look at him, startled by the stunned and hurt look on his face. I wanted so badly to reassure him—to take that pain away, even if it meant bringing more pain on myself. The concerned expression, the green eyes swimming in surprise, the hair in barely-tamed disarray...

I was weak.

Always so _weak_.

I opened my mouth, ready to add to my heartache, when the bell rang and Mr. Berty strode in. He slapped his briefcase down on the desk, popping it open and pulling out a list of questions. Then, with equal parts glee and menace, he said, "It's pop quiz time, books away, everyone! Grab a pencil and a sheet of paper. Let's see who did this weekend's reading assignment. "

_Saved by the pop quiz!_

#~#~#

"So, I heard _someone_ had a _date_ this weekend?" Emmett pounced as soon as I walked in to the Student Council room.

"Right. How is Rosalie?" I deflected.

"Ah, nice try there. Why didn't you say anything?"

"Oh, c'mon Emmett. Like you'd want to hear about that." I dropped into the seat next to him.

"Seriously, Bell...you trying to keep it a secret or something?"

"No, of course not! It's just..." I sighed, taking a quick glance at everyone still milling about the room before the bell. I leaned in closer, so as not to be overhead. "It was my first date, Em. And I don't mean my first date with _Jake_. I mean, like, my first date ever. I was nervous enough as it was. I didn't want to clue in the masses."

"I'm mas-_sive_, Bell, _not_ masses." He sounded hurt.

"Em?" He cocked his head, a frown firmly planted on his face. "Em," I repeated, a bit shocked. "I'm sorry. Honestly, I didn't think it was all that important."

"Yeah, well, if some guy's gonna be pawing you, I'd at least like to know who's life needs threatening if things get out of hand."

I snorted. "Oh yeah, I'm all sorts of hot stuff. Guys can't get enough."

"_Guy_ asked you on a date, Bell. Don't think that groping is that far off, if he hasn't tried already—ugh, not that I really want the details."

"No worries. The whole night was pretty Disney. Well, except for the violence," I informed. He laughed while nodding.

"Yeah!" He must have noticed the way my brow furrowed before he rushed to continue. "Um, I mean, _yeah?"_ he intoned, turning it from a statement to a question. Edward sat to join us, shooting a quizzical look at Emmett.

"Yeah," I responded, confused. "We went to Golf N Stuff, and I clocked his knee pretty good."

"What, because he was beating you?" Emmett asked.

"No, because I have all the grace of a hippo in orthopedic shoes." I scowled. Both guys laughed. "And you wonder why I don't tell you everything."

"Aw Bell," Emmett soothed, smiling, "your dating disaster can be our little secret."

"Yeah, well, it's not like I'm looking to broadcast it," I mumbled.

The bell rang. Just as everyone had settled down and Mr. Garrett was about to start, there was a knock at the classroom door. A guy in a uniform poked his head in, glancing around for the teacher.

"Oh, um, sorry. Is this Student Council?"

"Yes it is," Mr. G affirmed. "Can I help you?"

"Oh good," he replied, stepping into the room. "I have a delivery."

He was carrying a small vase wrapped in a white silk bow and ribbon. It was filled with at least two dozen red roses. The whole class started in with the 'ooh's and 'ah's.

"Mr. G's got a secret admirer," Tyler teased.

"You've been holding out on us, man," Mike accused.

"Settle down guys," Mr. G insisted, grinning. "You can set those down right over there on the desk," he indicated to the delivery guy.

"They're so pretty," Angela observed.

"Yeah, I guess you must be a pretty good date, Mr. G," Emmett chimed in.

"Roses, even. Impressive," I added.

He walked over to his desk and inspected the card sticking up from the bouquet. A wry grin crossed his face, and he snorted.

"Impressive alright," he said, chuckling. He plucked the card from the holder before continuing. "But, I'm not the one who had a good date." He walked towards our desks, stopping in front of mine and dropping the card down. "_Bella!_"

My eyes grew impossibly wide, and my face scorched in blush, as I sank down in my chair. I looked at the innocuous miniature envelope with my name scrawled across it, while Mr. G walked back up to the front of the room. The 'ooh's, 'ahh's, and gaping jaws were all now affixed on me.

"So, if no singing telegrams or candygrams are forthcoming, let's get started," Mr. G teased, causing everyone to laugh.

I waited for the Earth to swallow me whole.

"Aren't you gonna read it?" Angela prodded. "Don't you wanna know who it's from?" I swallowed. "Lemme see," she demanded, grabbing the card. "I mean, only if it's okay," she amended, impatient with curiosity.

I nodded, completely at a loss for words.

"_Bella,_" she read, "_Looking forward to Saturday, even if you are the scariest chick I know with a putter and a gun. Jake._" Mortified as I was, I couldn't help but snort with laughter. Angela grinned at me with excitement. "Oh wow, who's Jake?"

"I met him at state," I answered. She handed me back the card. I turned it over in my fingers, enjoying the sentiment but detesting the fact that it made me the center of attention.

"Guess you made an impression," Emmett said. I looked over and noticed he and Edward were both glaring at the flowers.

After class I walked up to the desk, admiring the bouquet and the vase. "Hey, um, Mr. G? Would it be cool if I left these here 'til after school?"

"Sure, I just hope the other teachers don't get too jealous," he joked.

#~#~#

After school Emmett walked with me back to the Student Council room to get my bouquet. I was slightly terrified that I'd drop the whole thing on the way to the bus stop. At least he offered to carry them out to the parking lot. He couldn't resist doing the ceremonial slide-and-step thing while humming _Here Comes The Bride._

"I don't know, Em. I always thought of you more as a June bride."

"Nah, it's too hot here to get married in June. I'd sweat right through my puffy, beaded sleeves."

"Oh no, you'd have to go strapless. Shoulders like yours were meant to be seen."

We stood by Edward's car while I put my backpack on. Usually I slung it on just one arm, but with the glass vase I wasn't taking any chances. I looped both straps over my shoulders and was debating if I should go full-on-geek by securing the waist strap when Edward walked up.

"Hey, Bella, you riding with us today?" He smiled, hopeful.

It caught me completely off-guard. I'd gotten so used to avoiding the guys after school for this very reason, and yet here I was. So much for my ingenious, lone wolf plans.

"Oh, um..." I started, scrambling for an excuse.

"C'mon, the last thing you want to do is maneuver with that on the bus."

"He's right, Bell," Emmett agreed. "You could barely make it out here with this thing intact, and I am not getting married without flowers." He held up the vase to his chin, and then batted his eyelashes. I rolled my eyes.

"Are you sure you wouldn't mind," I asked, feeling all sorts of uneasy. In spite of that, I could swear Edward's smile got bigger.

"Of course not. Don't be silly," he replied. "Besides, it'll give Princess Di, here, a chance to plan her ceremony."

"The train of _my_ dress will be much longer," Emmett said. He walked around to get in the passenger seat, while Edward opened the back door for me.

"Thanks," I muttered.

"Too bad they're not gerberas."

"What?" I asked, not certain I'd heard him correctly.

"Isn't that what they're called—those big daisies? I thought they were your favorite?"

"Um, yeah," I replied, taken aback. "How did you know that?"

"That field trip to the Desert Botanical Gardens, freshman year. You and Angela were talking about it."

"You remembered that?" Hell, _I'd_ hardly remembered it. I stood in the doorway of the car, gaping at him.

"Only 'cause I'd never known what they were called before. It made me think of the baby food." I laughed and he smiled again. Then, we both just kind of stared at each other for a second or two, a comfortable silence growing between us.

I broke the connection first, turning when a loud rumble filled the air. We both stopped and looked around, trying to locate where the noise originated. A large red and black motorcycle pulled into the parking lot, and was slowly making its way towards where we were parked.

"Hey, Emmett! Come check this out," Edward called. Emmett got out of the car.

"Dude, what is that? A '77 Harley?"

"I think so. Looks like Sportster."

The rider was dressed in dark blue jeans and a black leather jacket. He looked pretty big, and wore a helmet with a full visor. Surprisingly, he pulled right up to us and parked his bike.

"Hey man, that's a nice ride," Edward said, by way of introduction. I guess sports and vehicles were always universal topics with guys.

"Thanks," the rider replied. His voice was deep and muffled behind the visor. "Why don't you guys check it out," he offered. Emmett and Edward immediately began circling the bike, while the rider unfastened his helmet. "That just gives me more time to check you out," he added, before pulling it off of his head.

"Jake!" I cried out, completely surprised. He scooped me up in a hug, smelling warm and leathery. "What are you doing here?"

"Well I wasn't going to make you take the bus home with my flowers. You're liable to knock someone unconscious with the vase while making your way down the aisle or something. Figured I'd come and give you a ride."

"All the way from Corona?"

"No big deal. I don't have a class seventh hour. …One of the perks of being a senior."

"I guess," I ceded, smiling. "Thank you, by the way. I love the flowers."

"Consider it a peace offering. I'm hoping it'll save my other kneecap."

"I dunno. You might have to throw some chocolate in for that," I teased, smirking.

"I think I can arrange that." He smiled back.

"_Ahem!"_ Emmett fake-coughed. I looked around Jake's broad shoulders to see both him and Edward standing there, all interest in the bike seemingly gone.

"Oh, geez, I'm sorry! Jake, this is Emmett," I introduced, "Em, this is Jake."

"Yeah, I remember you from the other weekend," Emmett said, shaking his hand. I wasn't sure, but it looked like they were trying to see who could squeeze the hardest.

"And, um, you remember Edward," I said, suddenly feeling uncomfortable once I caught the glare that Edward was shooting Jake. It made me want to cringe. Edward stood behind Emmett, arms crossed in front of his chest.

"Yeah," Edward muttered darkly.

"Hey," Jake responded, his voice no more inviting.

"So," I spoke up, eager to break the tension, "you don't actually expect me to ride this, do you?"

"What's there to worry about? You just hop on and then grip me for dear life," Jake encouraged.

"And how, exactly, do I hold onto my flowers?"

"Got you covered," he said, reaching for one of the saddlebags on the bike. He pulled out an extra helmet, and a cloth bag. "This," he explained, handing me the bag, "is for the flowers. Just pop that over the buds and the vase fits perfectly in the bag. And this," he continued, holding up the helmet, "is for you."

I was utterly unconvinced.

"I handle all the balance. You just have to hold on tight. Promise," he reinforced, gleaming. I grinned back.

"Bella, you know if you're uncomfortable, we can still give you a lift," Emmett reminded.

"And would your Mom be okay with you riding this?" Edward pointed out.

That did it!

I could not believe he'd bring my Mom into this. Fuming and defiant, I walked around the car, grabbing my flowers from the passenger seat and covering them with the bag. "Let's go."

I beamed at Jake, and then tucked my vase into the compartment. Thankfully, my backpack fit snugly into the other saddlebag. I glanced over and saw both of the guys staring at me, dumbfounded, while Jake zipped me up into his jacket.

He put on his helmet, before helping me with the chinstrap of mine. Next, he climbed on the bike and jumpstarted it. Finally, he held out his hand to me.

"C'mon Bella, let's ride!"

I turned around one more time, looking at the guys. They wore twin looks of disapproval and concern. And for once, I could care less. Carefully, I placed one hand on Jake's shoulder, stood on a footpeg, and threw my other leg over. I felt unbalanced, but I trusted Jake to take care of me. I wiggled around a bit until I felt secure, then reached around and squeezed his midsection, placing my entire chest flush against his back.

"You ready," he asked.

"As I'll ever be!" I called out over my shoulder, "See you guys tomorrow!"

And with that, we peeled out of the lot, leaving only squealing tires and laughter in our wake.


	6. Shake the Disease

_Sorry for the delay. I had another case of wanting to write one thing and something completely different coming out. Sometimes, you just let some characters do what they want to do._

_I got a few PMs about readers worried that I was abandoning the story because it had been awhile since I updated (three weeks-ish, I believe). Just so you know, even if I'm slow, I fully intend on finishing this, and the companion piece. No worries.  
_

_For you 'yewts' who might miss some of the references, I'll post later tonight over the Twilighted thread about the pop culture references in this chapter. Feel free to pop in and say 'hi' at _www(dot)twilighted(dot)net/forum/viewtopic(dot)php?f=44&t=7644.

_Thanks, as always, to AJ for the pre-read, and KayCannon for the heavy lifting. And, to the readers, thanks for sticking with me and sharing the love._

* * *

_Can't you see it's misery and torture for me_

_When I'm misunderstood_

_Try as hard as you can, I tried as hard as I could_

_To make you see how important it is for me_

**Shake the Disease - Depeche Mode**

**

* * *

**

**Chapter 6 - Shake the Disease**

I wasn't normally one for fashion. Usually, I stuck with nondescript, mostly second-hand clothing—jeans and a t-shirt. However, with Alice's influence over the years, I'd taken a cursory interest in being _slightly_ more than presentable from time to time. In this instance, I was particularly grateful that I'd succumbed to the fine art of pegging my jeans.

This was because I was certain that, at any moment, my leg would get caught in Jake's rear tire. It was a completely irrational fear, I'm certain—I'd never once heard of a gruesome tale detailing such an accident. However, knowing my luck and lack of grace, I could easily see myself as the future Peg Leg Swan.

Despite my anxiety, riding on the back of the motorcycle was exhilarating. I'd held on to Jake when we'd left the school, gripping him for dear life. But, once I'd gotten more comfortable, I'd loosened my grip and got a chance to look around and appreciate the feeling of speed. It did seem a bit awkward when we stopped at a couple of red lights. I felt so exposed, like I was just sitting in the middle of the open road while Jake stood to keep us balanced. Soon enough, we were soaring again, until we finally reached my apartment.

"So, what did you think?" He held the bike steady while I dismounted onto wobbly legs. "Whoa there, Easy Rider! You okay?" He gripped my upper arm, helping me to maintain my balance while I unfastened the helmet.

I gave him a shaky smile. "That was...a little scary. Fun, but scary."

"For what it's worth, I was trying to impress you, not scare you to death," he informed, grinning.

"Well then, mission mostly accomplished. At least I survived my first motorcycle ride." I handed him back his helmet, then carefully extricated my flowers from the saddlebag. Despite their harrowing journey, they looked unharmed. "Thanks, again. They're really pretty."

"No problem. I'm glad you like them."

"I'm gonna go put these in the fridge a bit to perk up. Did you want to come in for a pop or something?"

"Sure." He smiled. Then, he tucked both helmets away before following me. "So, your bodyguards back there didn't look too thrilled with me."

"Yeah, well, they're just a little overprotective sometimes." I thought of Edward's black eye at the hand of Emmett and winced. "Nothing to worry about," I lied, giving him a half-hearted smile before handing over the vase. I fished around in my backpack for my house keys, and then opened the door.

"Here, let me just take those," I said. I threw down my bag and carefully pulled the flowers from his hands. I walked to the kitchen, set them down on the counter, and opened the fridge. After rearranging a few items, I was able to squeeze them in. "Hey, is Coke alright? Or Sprite?"

"Sprite, please."

He took a seat at our dining room table, looking over the expanse of our apartment while waiting for me. I handed him his drink, then finished pouring my own. I set it down, and then unzipped myself from his jacket.

"Here you go. I keep ending up with your jacket somehow," I joked.

"No problem. It just gives me an excuse to keep coming back."

"You're lucky I don't wear any perfume. I'm sure the last thing you'd want is to smell like a girly-girl." I sat down to join him at the table. "Thanks again, really. No one's ever given me flowers before."

"Geez, Bella, you must have done some serious damage to your other dates. I mean, you took out my knee and it still scored you some roses," he teased, laughing. I blushed, looking down at my drink in embarrassment.

"Um, yeah," I began. I didn't know if I wanted to clue him in on how socially awkward I truly was, but it was so easy to talk to him. I figured it couldn't hurt. "About that...you're the only guy I've ever hurt on a date."

"What makes me so lucky, then?"

"The fact that you're the _only_ guy I've ever dated," I admitted, in a small, questioning voice. My head was down, but I still managed to peek at him, gauging his reaction. He laughed, oblivious.

"Yeah, right." When I didn't say anything, his eyes widened. "You're not serious?"

I nodded. "Lame, I know."

"No, not lame. I'm just...whoa, really?" he asked, skeptical. I rolled my eyes at him, feeling thoroughly embarrassed. "So, what finally made you say yes? Was it my wit? My charm? My devastating good looks?" I laughed, glad to feel a little less scrutinized.

"Actually, it might have been your sense of modesty." I could imagine the mortification if I'd just blurted,_ 'you're the only one dumb enough to have asked.'_

"Well, yeah, there is that!"

We talked some more, finishing our Sprites and then heading into the living room. We sat on opposite ends of the couch, facing one another. "So, Miss Swan, first date, first motorcycle ride, first flowers—seems like a lot of firsts for you."

"Yeah, I was practically a spinster before. Now I'm a bike-riding badass with a mean putter arm." I brandished my fist at him to emphasize the point. Then, he leaned towards me.

"And would the badass mind if I kissed her again?" he posed. I let out a nervous laugh.

"I think that'd be okay." I tried to put all other thoughts – all other _people_ – out of my mind. We met in the middle of the couch, and once again he brushed his knuckles along my jaw before kissing me.

And, once again, it was..._okay_.

I waited for it to be _more_. I figured at some point the fire would have to ignite; wouldn't it? I mean, sure, it'd only been a couple of days, compared to a couple of years with _him_, but still, where was that beautiful ache? The tingling? The longing?

I was completely over thinking things, because it took me a second to realize that I wasn't kneeling towards Jake anymore. I was leaning back, pressed into the corner of the sofa by his body. His hand had drifted down from my jaw and onto my forearm, where he lightly grasped while he continued to kiss me.

I was both excited and, admittedly, just the tiniest bit scared. I tried to pull back a little when I gasped for air, but he followed right along, claiming my lips once more with his. A small bubble of panic came up in my chest, and I brought my palms up against his chest and pushed.

"Jake, wait."

His eyes popped open, confused, before he seemed to recover his wits. "Oh, shit Bella, I'm sorry. I got a little carried away."

"Sorry, I just, I couldn't breathe for a bit there."

"Are you okay?" he asked, anxious. I nodded, wondering if it would take practice, just so I could feel what I'd felt with Edward.

"I'm okay," I said, before deciding to push forward and kiss him. It felt weird to be the one to initiate it. I thought about it way too much, wondering if I was doing it right, if I was generating too much spit.

Should I open my mouth?

The mechanics flew out of my head when I felt his hand lightly graze from my arm to my chest. I broke the kiss, bolting backwards. He wore that dumb expression again, as if he didn't know where he was, before looking at the placement of his hand.

"Too much?"

"Too much," I affirmed.

"I'll keep my hands to myself, promise," he said, leaning in for another try. I tensed, hesitant, yet determined to move on...to move _past_.

When we heard the knock at the door, we both scrambled away from each other.

"Who's that?" I asked, shocked.

"You're asking me? It's your house."

I jumped up, catching a glimpse of myself in the mirror before I headed to the door. I tried to smooth down my hair a bit, doing my best to repair it from the kissing and the helmet from earlier. When I deemed myself partially presentable, I looked out the peephole, surprised at my visitor.

"Alice?" I greeted, opening the door partially. "What are you doing here?"

"Hi! Laurie Bremner's mom gave us a ride today. Since she lives down the street, I asked if she wouldn't mind dropping me off. After our talk yesterday, I just wanted to see you." She stood on her tiptoes, though it hardly helped with her height. She did her best to peek into the house. "Ohmigod, is he here?" she whispered.

"Yeah, actually," I confessed, sighing. Though, I had to admit I was kind of relieved for the interruption. "C'mon in." She bounced through the doorway, and rushed up to where Jake stood by the couch.

"Hi there! You must be Jake. I'm Alice, Bella's best friend!" She held out her hand in greeting, making no apologies about how ruthlessly she was scrutinizing him from behind her smile. She may as well have been holding a clipboard and ticking off boxes as her eyes moved from top to bottom. I half expected her to check his teeth and make him run the Westminster course while she was at it.

He shook her hand in return. "Hey, Alice, nice to meet you."

"Nice to meet you too, Jake. So, is that your motorcycle out there?"

"Uh, yeah. How'd you know that?"

"I know everything."

"Everything, huh?" he challenged.

"She's not kidding. She can be downright spooky when she wants to be."

"Oh, Bella. I'm not that bad." Her gaze didn't waver from Jake when she responded. "So, Jake, I hear you're a senior."

"That's right."

"Senior class president?" He nodded. "Hmm," she responded, "and what, exactly, are your intentions with our Bella?"

"_Alice!" _I warned.

"Geez, you don't pull any punches, do you, kiddo?"

"Best friend," she clarified, pointing to herself, "not _kiddo_."

"I'll keep that in mind."

"You'd best." She smiled again, with just a hint of menace.

"Oookay then," he hesitated, still unsure of what to make of Alice. It was almost comical, the way all 6'2 of him seemed intimidated by Alice in her pint-sized package. It was even funnier when you considered she was at least four years his junior. "Um, Bella, I think I'm gonna head home."

"Alright then." I smiled at him, and then shot a glare at Alice. "I'll see you out."

"It was nice to meet you!" she called, waving to him as we walked outside.

"Thanks for the lift home, and I'm...I'm sorry about that," I mumbled, looking at the sidewalk. "You know what they say," I set up, smiling, "no one expects..."

"The third degree?"

"Oh, um, yeah," I replied, feeling more than a bit disappointed. Again, I'd have to stop making the comparisons. It was completely unfair.

"So, I'm curious—why, exactly, do you think it is you have such a rabid security detail?" he joked.

"Hey," I shot back, glad for his lighthearted tone. "I'm just as surprised as you are. I'll have to let you know if they all start wearing sunglasses, walkie-talkies, and calling me by a stupid nickname."

"Hmm, definitely bird-related, Swan. Maybe Big Bird? Daffy Duck?"

"I was thinking more like Ugly Duckling."

"See, now that would fool everyone, because you are, by no means, an ugly duckling." He kissed the back of my hand before turning to go. "I'll see you later, beautiful," I couldn't help but blush. No one, outside of my parents, had ever called me that before.

"Bye," I squeaked out, and I could feel the stupid grin on my face. As confused as my emotions were, there was no denying that Jake definitely made me feel good about myself. I went back into the apartment where Alice was waiting for me.

"So, that's the big bad wolf, huh? He's kinda cute. Not bad, Bella. Not bad at all." She gave me an approving smile, but even I could tell it wasn't quite genuine.

"But _what?"_

"Huh?"

"But _what_, Alice? I can tell you're not saying something. Go on, spit it out."

"Well, it's nothing bad, I mean, not really. Actually, it's almost romantic in a way."

"What is?"

"Oh, c'mon Bella. After everything he did today, I'm surprised he didn't pee on you too."

I was stunned. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"The flowers? Showing up on that bike to whisk you away? Bella, he's marking his territory. He's doing everything he can to let everyone at your school know that you are totally off-limits."

"That's not...," I hesitated, trying to make sense of everything she'd said. "Wait, how did _you_ know about the flowers?" She raised her hands, rapidly fidgeting her fingers.

"Because I know _everything_, Bella!" she said, trying to sound dramatic.

"Nice try there, Tangina, but seriously?"

"Hey, I'll have you know I'm both taller and cuter than that _Poltergeist_ chick!"

"What, by three inches?"

"Har har, very funny. Anyway, it's not clairvoyance. It's good old fashioned snooping." She walked past me, towards the kitchen, and picked up a fallen petal. "Roses – nice touch." She came back and plopped down on the couch. "Let me guess; they came delivered in the middle of class? Because I don't see it having the same effect if you had to go to the front office to get them. He's marking his territory, alright—next he'll be rubbing his scent on you."

"That's not...," I paused, thinking it over. "I mean, is _that_ what he was doing?"

"Ohh yeah," she affirmed. "He must really like you; considering he's doing everything he can to stake his claim." I rolled my eyes at her.

Yeah, like _I'm_ some prize." I could hear the self-derision drip off my voice.

"Yes, Bella, you are, and don't you roll your eyes at me! Obviously this guy was smarter than _some_ of the people we know and asked you out. I can tell—he's gonna wanna get real serious, real fast."

I thought, with only a bit of discomfort, about our little make-out session. "And you know this _how_, exactly?"

"I just do. You don't believe me, ask your mom. Tell her everything that happened today and I can almost guarantee she'll think the same thing."

"Then I think you're both crazy." Alice was about to hurl another argument at me before I cut her off. "So, you wanna stay for dinner?"

"Oh…" She looked like I caught her off guard, which was nearly impossible to do. "I, um, I should get home pretty soon, actually. I have this stupid project I need to work on."

"But, Mom won't be back 'til six and it's too far for you to walk."

"Don't worry about it, I'll make Edward come and get me." My eyes narrowed just the tiniest bit in anger, remembering the parental lecture I'd gotten in the parking lot. "I'm just gonna use the phone. Be right back."

She hopped up from the couch, leaving me to think. Jake wasn't exactly what I'd call aggressive. At least, I didn't think he was. But, if I stepped back a bit and looked at what he did today, it wasn't exactly far-fetched to come to the same conclusion that Alice did.

As if he had _anything_ to worry about.

I rolled my eyes, feeling just a bit dejected once again.

"Okay, all taken care of!" Alice walked back into the room, and then stopped. "Hey, what's wrong?"

"Nothing. I'm just being stupid, again." I sat down next to her. "So, why did you stop by if you have to take off so quickly?"

"Just had a feeling, is all. Plus, it worked out that I could come by." She looked at me again, and then threw her arm around me. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yeah," I reassured, sighing. "Just have a lot on my mind."

"Tell me about it. My brother wasn't being stupid again, was he?"

"No, not really. I think he and Emmett are being just a bit overprotective."

"What happened?"

"Nothing, they just gave Jake the hardcore stink-eye and tried to talk me out of riding on his motorcycle."

She laughed. "Well that was stupid. They probably couldn't have gotten you on that bike faster if they'd lifted you."

I grinned. "Maybe, I dunno."

"Boys are stupid, Bella. We know this."

"Yeah...yeah we do."

We continued talking for another fifteen minutes, until there was a knock at the door.

"Guess your ride is here," I said, not really looking forward to seeing Edward again, so soon.

I still felt like I was all over the map with him. This morning, I'd been desperate to cut him off completely, only to start talking to him, again. Then, this afternoon, we seemed to have another one of those moments, where everything was just _us_ again, only to end up with me being mad at him for trying to tell me what I should and shouldn't do.

I got off of the couch to answer the door, only to be bum rushed by Emmett as soon as I opened it. He grabbed me by the shoulders, inspecting me from head to toe, and then spun me around. "Emmett, what the hell?"

"Just wanted to make sure you were all in one piece, Bell."

"It was a motorcycle, Emmett. It's not like he strapped me to the hood of a race car or something."

"Yeah, but it's _you_ on a motorcycle! The dude could be Evel Knievel and all that skill doesn't mean you wouldn't find some way to get hurt."

"Gee, thanks! Why not just roll me up in bubble wrap and be done with it?"

"Don't tempt me, Bell. You know we're just looking out for you."

I let out a huff of breath. "Yeah, I know. C'mon inside."

He breezed past me, and I noticed Edward was right behind him. He smirked. "So, did you pass inspection?"

"Yeah, I guess so. Next time remind me to show you guys my permission slip."

"I'm sorry about that," he said, looking self-conscious. "Like Em said, we were just a little worried."

"I'm not made of glass, Edward." Hell, he'd broken me worse than some motorcycle spill could.

"I know. Truce?" He smiled and, once again, I felt my defenses fall just a bit more.

"Sure," I said, waving him inside.

Alice and Emmett were sitting on the couch, playing Thumb War. It was, quite possibly, one of the more ridiculous things I'd ever seen. Emmett was practically this huge bear that lumbered over her, and yet she'd already beaten him once. He couldn't manage to pin down her nimble thumb, and she seemed to know what he'd do before he did. I couldn't help but laugh.

"Hey," Edward said, keeping his voice low so as not to disturb them. "Would...would it be alright if I talked to you? Alone?"

I swallowed, suddenly nervous. Lately, any conversation alone with Edward seemed to end near tears. However, it didn't feel right to say no. Maybe whatever it was he had to say would make it easier for me to step away and move on with my life...or, that much harder.

"Um, sure," I relented, leading the way, once again, towards my bedroom. "We'll be right back," I called out, though neither Alice nor Emmett seemed to care. Apparently, it was Thumb War to the death.

I sat on the edge of my bed, grabbing a pillow and clutching it in front of me. I guess I was more nervous than I realized. My poor pillow would once again have to take the brunt of my frustration.

"So, what's up?" I asked, anxious to be done with whatever it was that was about to happen.

Edward looked nervous. He walked over to my dresser, pulling off a photo of us that I had tucked into the frame of the mirror. It was from the year before—we'd volunteered to help out as servers and cleanup crew for the senior prom. We wore matching outfits of white tops and black pants, and were mugging it up for the camera with the leftover decorations.

I don't think he'd ever seen it before. I'd asked the senior class advisor that was supervising us that night if she'd give me a copy. It was a small piece of him I kept for myself; a visual reminder of better times and what I wish we could be. He held it in his hands, looking sad and lost. Then, he drew a deep breath, running his hands through his hair, before he said anything.

"Bella, I need to apologize to you. I mean, like, a real apology this time." I stiffened, not sure if I was ready to dredge all this up again. He noticed how rigid I'd become. "Just, please, hear me out, okay? I fucked up, and I need to make it right." I took a long and shaky breath, fisting my pillow a little tighter. I stared at him, wide-eyed, and he took my silence for acceptance that I'd hear him out.

"That Saturday, at the conference, I was pissed off. I was worried when I couldn't find you, and then I was angry when I did. I mean, I _know_ you, okay? We've been friends for a long time. I know you don't drink. I know you don't just take off with random guys...you...you're better than all of that. And then this guy shows up, and I don't know anything about him except that suddenly you're doing stuff you normally don't. When I found out you'd been drinking—that he was the one who got you drunk..." he paused, sighing, "I kinda lost it. And then...then we got into that fight..." He looked defeated, his whole body seeming to sag forward. I cringed. With everything that had happened afterwards, it was easy to forget about the actual fight.

"I was mad, Bella. But, more than that, I was hurt. I mean, do you _really_ think that about me? That I sleep around with any girl that crosses my path?"

I couldn't answer. I'd seen him that day on the football field. I'd heard him with that other girl at the convention. Edward was no saint, and I certainly didn't want to think about what went on behind closed doors. I was enough of a masochist as it was—I didn't want or need any lurid details to fill in the gaps.

"You _do?"_ He sounded upset. I guess I'd been quiet for too long, thinking it over.

"Bella, I thought...I thought you knew me better than that."

"Edward," I choked out, more distressed by his anxiety than my own. "I don't...I don't _want_ to know, okay. It's none of my business."

"I mean, I'm not some kind of monk, but I'm not out whoring it up, either. I've made out with girls more than a few times. Kissed and such, but the other stuff..."

"Not my business." I shrugged, at a loss for any more words and trying to feign disinterest. I couldn't bring myself to look at him, embarrassed for the both of us. Why was he even telling me this?

"I shouldn't have said what I did, Bella. You're not a prude, and I certainly know you're not...you couldn't _possibly_ be that other thing. I can't believe I ever even said that to you. You have no idea how...how _ashamed_ I am that I did."

Now I really couldn't look at him. My cheeks were burning and my nose was prickling as tears simply fell from my eyes. I couldn't blink fast enough to clear my vision. The bed dipped as he sat next to me.

"The other night, when I told you I was sorry I'd kissed you like that...I meant I shouldn't have done it because I was angry or trying to prove some point. I don't know anything about Jake, but I know you deserved better than to make out with some guy you didn't know because you were a little buzzed...none of my business, I know. But, you're my friend, Bella, one of my best friends. I feel very protective of you, and you deserved better than _that_. You certainly deserved better than _me_ and what I did. I just reacted without thinking, and I got carried away. I'm sorry I ruined something that should have been special for you. I'm sorry I stole that experience from you."

I shuddered with a gasp, my breath still smothered in tears. I wanted to tell him it _was_ special, it _was_ what I wanted, because I only ever wanted him. It was what came afterwards that ruined it all.

"But, more than anything," he murmured, taking my hands in his as he knelt before me. "I'm sorry I hurt you. You have no idea how sick I am about hurting you; how sick I am that maybe you can't ever really forgive me. I don't want to lose my best friend." I looked at him, surprised at the anguish in his voice and even more surprised at sight of unshed tears in his eyes. "Forgive me, Bella? Please?"

I couldn't take it anymore. Logically, I knew the priority should always be me, that I should do whatever it took to keep my heart safe. Letting Edward back into my life would only cause a constant ache, the same pain I'd dealt with for years. But, when I weighed that against all the things we shared, all the fun we'd had, and how very much I would always love him and want his happiness...I couldn't look into those brilliant and sad eyes and not give him anything he asked.

Once again, I was weak.

I threw my arms around him, the pillow first squashing then falling between us as I nearly knocked him to the floor. He squeezed me in return and I let out a gasp, more tears falling as I gulped for breath. The rush of warmth and just the rightness of being in his embrace were overwhelming.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," he said, his voice muffled and gravely. I nodded fervently into his shoulder, too choked up to respond.

We sat like that, in the clumsy and awkward hug that felt perfectly right, for what seemed like several minutes. Neither one of us spoke—I knew once I did, the spell would be broken and I'd have to leave the safety of his arms. He just kept rubbing a small arc on my shoulder blade, back and forth in a soothing pattern that lulled and comforted. I drew a long and shuddering breath, expelling the tension from my body and forgetting everything else but the feel of him.

"Can you forgive me?" he whispered, and I could feel his body stiffen just the slightest as he waited for my response.

"Only if you forgive me for hitting you," I mumbled. I could feel his laughter reverberating through my chest.

"For knocking me on my ass when I totally deserved it? Yeah, I think so." He squeezed me just a bit tighter. "But only if you promise not to let anyone else know I got flattened by a hundred pound chick."

"Hundred and twelve, thank you very much."

"Oh, that explains it. It was those twelve extra pounds that really did it."

I laughed, feeling much lighter; even a bit happy. In this moment, we were just _us_, separate from everything else that had happened. It was something I would always covet; another happy memory to keep safely tucked away with my feelings.

"C'mon," he said. He helped me to stand and placed my pillow back on the bed. "I need to get Alice home and help her with her project. She'll kill me if she doesn't get it done."

"Sure." I sighed, that sense of relief still buzzing around me. "Just give me a sec." I walked around the bed, grabbing some tissues from the opposite dresser. I gave my nose a healthy blow, refusing to be timid about it. He'd seen me in worse shape, and I couldn't care if he was grossed out by it. Two tissues later, and I turned around, only to bump right into him.

"What is it with you and sneaking up on me when I'm all snotty?"

"Actually, I, um, I need some of those too," he admitted, somewhat embarrassed as he reached around me. Not that I wanted to watch him blow his nose, specifically, but I couldn't move. I was still surprised at seeing him so emotional.

"Here," he joked, "you can throw them away for me if you like." He thrust out a wadded up handful of Kleenex at me.

"Gross!" I playfully shoved him out of the way, walking over and grabbing a wastebasket. He pulled one more tissue and sniffled into it, before wadding up the mass and attempting a three-point shot. "Just so you know, if you miss, I'm not picking them up!"

"As long as you don't cheat, I should be fine." He reared back his arm to aim. I held the wastebasket at chest height, slowly swinging it back and forth. His arm swayed in time with mine, matching the rhythm before throwing. I tried to pull it back, but he still made the shot.

"Not bad! Your aim's pretty good, Cullen."

"Oh, Bella, you have no idea," he said, laughing.

"Oh really?"

"Yep. You'd be surprised at how accurate I can hit from a distance. Remind me to tell you sometime."

"Oookay," I replied, a bit puzzled. I set the wastebasket down, walked the length of my bed and reached for the door.

"Hey."

"Hmm?" I responded. He grasped my upper arm, turning and pulling me into a crushing hug.

"I missed you." I melted against him, nuzzling into his chest.

"I missed you too." I didn't dare take the time to think of how this might hurt later on. It felt too good.

"Promise you'll punch me harder if I hurt you again, okay?"

"Sure." God, it felt good to joke again.

"Wow, not even an _'oh Edward, I couldn't possibly?'_"

"Not on your life, sunshine."

"Good." He laughed. Then, his hand moved to cradle the back of my head. He pressed a kiss on my forehead before resting his own against it. "Thank you," he whispered.

"You're welcome," I whispered back, closing my eyes. I could feel the subtle shift in the air between us. His fingers drifted down towards my neck, and I felt the warm rush of his breath across my chin. Hearing his soft exhalation, I could feel myself starting to lean up into him.

It would have been so easy, and so _wrong_, to do what I wanted in that moment. I may have been weak, but I wasn't stupid. We'd only just mended things between us, and I wasn't about to risk ruining it all. I pulled my arm back, giving him a quick double thump with the palm of my hand against his chest.

"C'mon, then. I wouldn't want to be responsible for your untimely demise at the hands of Alice." I gave a quick, half-hearted laugh to break the tension, and then quickly turned and flung open the door.

"Because you're so concerned for my welfare?" I could hear the grin in his voice from behind me.

"Nah, I'm just worried they might not try her as a minor."

I turned the immediate corner into the bathroom, flicked the light on and washed my hands. Edward shoulder bumped me to do the same, so I flicked at him with my wet hands. Unfortunately, his larger hands also meant more water, and when he flicked back at me it was fairly noticeable.

"Hey, what if this expensive, designer t-shirt had been dry clean only?"

He eyed me, before noticing the shirt. "Alice may have gotten all the fashion sense in our family, but I'm pretty sure your _Bobcat Pride, Class of '90,_ shirt is not from any of the designer houses."

"Hmm. Designer knock-off?"

"Way knocked off." He grabbed the tail of my shirt and wiped his hands on it.

"Hey! Eww!" He laughed when I tried to shove him away, giving me that smile that usually let him get away with murder. I reached over to the still-running faucet, scooped a handful of water and flung it towards him.

"Oh, Bella. Bad move!"

He fixed me with a mock glare, sporting a wicked grin that made my stomach clench. He was blocking the doorway, and I could feel the electricity tingle along my skin as we stood frozen in anticipation. Deliberately slow, he removed his jacket and tossed it across the vanity. The running tap water was the only sound in the small bathroom as we each held our breath.

With abrupt speed, he bolted towards the sink. There was no way to get around him, so I jumped into the shower, holding both sliding doors shut as best as I could. I could hear him filling the small cup I used for brushing my teeth.

"Tactical error," he shouted, while trying to open the doors.

"No no no no," I shrieked, through laughter, fighting to hold them shut.

I was stuck until he'd soaked me, given up, or would let me go. I looked around, trying to find something with which to defend myself. It wasn't the first time I wished we had a detachable shower head.

"Truce, remember? TRUCE!" He gave up trying to pry the doors from my grasp and I breathed a sigh of relief. Then, I saw his smirk through the frosted glass. He tipped the glass towards me, and slowly raised his arm up and above the shower door enclosure.

_Oh, crap!_

I backed up to the farthest corner of the shower, but it was no use. One flick of his wrist and I would be drenched. I had no choice; I played the only card I had left.

"_ALICE!"_ I heard her and Emmett come running down the hallway. I wasn't sure if Em's loyalty would lay with me, but I knew Alice's would. "HELP!"

"No way, she started it!" Edward defended.

"I did not!"

"Did too! You splashed me first!"

"After you shoved me out the way!"

"CHILDREN!" Alice admonished. "Don't make me turn this car around!"

"I dunno," Emmett added. "I think we should let them have at it."

"No no no, Emmett. It's hardly a fair fight. He's got her _cornered_." I could hear something in her tone, but I wasn't sure what it was. It was difficult to tell what was going on without being able to see them.

"You're right," I heard Emmett say, a lilt to his voice. "C'mon dude, give me the glass and let's get Bell out of there."

I saw the blobs of shadow move towards us as he took the cup from Edward. Alice opened the door, slipping under Edward's arm as she did. Suddenly Emmett lifted Edward up by the midsection, shoving him into the shower with me. Edward tried to struggle, but I'm guessing he didn't want to run the risk of kicking me and I had nowhere to move. I grabbed Edward to keep the both of us from falling over, when one door slid shut and the other opened.

Alice turned the knob, and we screamed in terror, while they howled with laughter. Ice cold water drenched the both of us. We were stuck between trying to move to the furthest edge of the shower and trying to reach the tap. Edward, ever the gentleman, tried to block my body from the chilled spray while stretching his foot towards the handle. It seemed to take forever, so I finally bit the bullet, ducked beneath, and fumbled in a frenzy to turn it off. We clutched each other, shivering from the cold.

Someday, we'd look back on this and laugh. That day wasn't coming anytime soon.

"Well, don't you two look all nice and clean?" Emmett slid open the shower door and I'm sure the both of us were staring daggers at him. "Hey, don't look at me. It was the little one's idea." Alice had already run off, back into the living room.

"Then you two can walk home together," Edward grumbled.

"Aw, don't be like that. Besides, you started it." I laughed at Emmett's comment, cold and miserable as I was.

"Hand me that towel, you weenie!" I grabbed it from him after wringing out my shirt. "Stay here. I'll go get you some towels." Edward nodded at me, then held my arm to help me step out of the tub. "Hey, Em? Just so you know, revenge is a dish best served cold. Make sure you pass that along to your little co-conspirator."

"Bell, you wouldn't."

"You'll never see it coming," I promised.

Edward laughed. "You better hope it's not the right hook."

I kicked off my sopping wet Keds and socks before heading towards the linen closet. A smiling Alice met me in the hallway. "Really, Alice? _Really?_"

"Sorry, Bella. It was too good an opportunity to pass up."

"I hope you have eyes in the back of your head. Edward's going to be dangerous to live with."

"I'm not worried. He owes me one already. As far as I'm concerned, I have full immunity!"

"Owes you for what?"

"I'd tell you, but then I'd lose my immunity. Besides, tell me you didn't enjoy the _view_."

"Alice!" I hissed in a whisper. "Ugh, you're infuriating!"

"That's why you love me," she sing-songed, before heading back to the living room. I twisted my towel into a makeshift turban to keep my hair from dripping down my back, and then grabbed two more towels for Edward.

"Ugh, I hate wet denim! Dude, you suck!" Edward complained. Emmett's booming laugh echoed throughout the bathroom, and then he saw me and it got even louder.

"Oh, Swami Swan! So good to see you!" He twirled his hand repeatedly, from head to waist, as he bowed. "What does the Great Karnak see in my future?"

"A serious ass-kicking if you don't get out of her way," Edward snapped.

"Here you go. Let me see if I can find you something big enough to wear home."

"Thanks."

I went back to my room, peeling out of my wet clothes in favor of a large and slightly holey sweatshirt that had seen better days. It was big enough that I didn't have to fish around for another bra. I threw on some flannel pajama bottoms before rifling through my drawers for anything that might fit Edward. He was going to hate me, but the only shirt I had was a sleep shirt. That, and an old pair of sweats would have to do.

I went to the kitchen to grab a couple of grocery bags for his wet clothes, passing Emmett and Alice on the way back. "Oh shit," Emmett howled, "don't forget to wake me up before you go go!"

"What?" I looked down, realizing my worn sweatshirt read 'Choose Life' in big black letters. "Oh, fuck off!" I huffed. I continued down the hallway and knocked on the bathroom door. "I found you something. Hope it's big enough."

"Oh," he said, opening the door wide, "thanks."

My jaw may have hit the floor. I wasn't sure. Edward stood, leaning on one hand against the vanity. His hair was wet and perfectly mussed. He looked in the mirror and continually ran his hand through it to brush it out of his eyes. I could see a thin chain around his neck with a St. Christopher medallion. I never noticed he wore it before, because I don't think I'd ever seen this _much_ of him.

It looked like he'd stripped off all his wet clothes in favor of the one of the towels I'd given him earlier. I couldn't help but notice the thin, wet tendrils of dark chest hair that lay in a scattered formation across his pecs. There was the cutest smattering of freckles along his right shoulder blade and a tiny mole on the side of his torso. I had a hard time peeling my eyes away from the same dark trail that disappeared beneath the fluffy terrycloth wrapped low around his hips. I wondered if he'd also removed the blue-banded tighty-whiteys I often caught a glimpse of whenever he leaned forward in his chair at school.

_Ohmigod, he's almost naked in my house! Up! Bring your eyes back up!_

I forced my brain to reengage, rolling my tongue up off the floor when I noticed him gesture for the items in my hand.

"Oh, s-sorry!" I stammered, handing them over. "That is, I'm sorry about the clothes. I didn't think I'd have anything else that would fit you."

"I see, so you kept the Wham for yourself?"

I looked down at my sweatshirt, pulling and adjusting the neck to cover my shoulders. "I figured you deserved something that wasn't on its last legs." I pulled at the hem, showcasing the myriad number of holes. This sucker had kept me warm many a cold winter's night, and I was loathe to part with it.

"Yeah, don't worry, Emmett's already given me shit for it. I don't think you're gonna fare much better."

"We'll definitely have to discuss strategy to get back at those two."

"Alice said something about immunity?"

He laughed. "Yeah, she would play that card. Little shit!"

"Doesn't matter. She's not immune from me."

"Remember to tell her that whenever we get our grand revenge."

"Will do."

"Um, Bella?"

"Yeah?"

He slowly started closing the door, and I was still prominently in the way, gawking at his half-nakedness.

"Oh," I squeaked, turning scarlet. "I'll just, um, yeah..." I quickly turned around and went to the living room, plopping down on the couch next to Alice. "Whoa," I whispered.

"Told you it was worth the view," she whispered back, hitting my arm.

A minute later I was broken out of my reverie by Emmett's thunderous laughter. "Alice, c'mere! Damn, I wish I had a camera!"

"Yeah, laugh it up, asshole!" I heard Edward from down the hall, before he turned the corner and came into view. Alice and I burst into giggles at the sight of him.

I had cut off the bottom of the old sweatpants and kept them to paint and clean in. They were bright pink, and splattered with paint and indelible stains on the knees. Unfortunately for Edward, not only were they a snug fit, but the legs ended just below his knee.

That was nothing compared to the top. It had been one of my Christmas gifts a few years back from Grandma Swan. To his benefit, the sleep shirt was one-size-fits all. Too bad it was pale pink and had a bevy of _My Little Ponies_ strewn across it.

"Edward, will you come to my sleepover?" Emmett asked in falsetto. "I'll braid your hair and we can talk about boys all night long!"

"Emmett, swear to God, you're dead meat!"

"Is that before or after you're done playing Barbies?" Edward lunged towards him before Alice interrupted.

"Okay, guys. Seriously, I have to finish my project. Let's go." Emmett grinned at him.

"You heard the lady. Time's a wastin'!" He practically ran out the door. Alice laughed and followed him out.

"Um, at least you can zip up your jacket?" I offered. It wouldn't cover his cute, pink capris, but it was something.

"Think of something good, anything that won't get us arrested, and I'm in," he muttered, zipping up his jacket. The irritation left his face momentarily as he smiled at me. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Yeah, see you." I smiled back, trying to suppress my laughter.

He rolled his eyes at me. "C'mon go ahead..."

"I'm sorry, I can't help it!" I snorted. "You look so adorable!"

"Yeah yeah..."

"If you want to borrow my Easy Bake Oven..."

"Goodbye Bella!"

"''Bye Edward."

#~#~#

I'd taken the flowers out of the fridge and displayed them on the dining room table as I started making dinner. Mom missed seeing them when she got home, but they were the topic over supper.

"What a lovely surprise! Jake?"

I nodded. "Yeah, they came during student council. Not the best timing, but still, very nice."

"I'll say. I bet you must have _loved_ the attention!" she teased.

"Oh yeah, all I needed was a spotlight and a tiara and I'd have been set."

She chuckled. "Oh yes, a really _Carrie_ moment, no doubt."

"Yeah, me and my dirty pillows."

"_They're all gonna laugh at you,_" she shrieked, quoting the psychotic mom in the movie. I laughed too, and then thought back to my conversation with Alice.

"Hey, Mom? Can I ask your opinion on something? Even if it seems kinda dumb?"

"Bella, I still don't know who would win in a fight between Superman and Darth Vader."

"No, not that! And, it's Superman, by the way. No, I had a talk with Alice today..."

I relayed the events of the day, including the ride home, the kissing, and up to Alice's arrival. I wanted to make sure she had all the facts to ensure I'd get an honest opinion. The way she pursed her lips told me I wouldn't be entirely happy with the answer.

"Wow, he pulled out all the stops, didn't he?"

"So, you agree with Alice?"

"Yeah, actually, I do. He's certainly making it evident that you're taken, so to speak. It makes sense, considering you don't go to the same school."

"That's just so...weird."

She laughed. "In what way?"

"Well, I mean, c'mon, Mom..." I hesitated and blushed, waiting for her to catch my meaning. When she continued to stare at me with raised eyebrows, I just continued. "Mom, it's just _me!"_

"And what's that supposed to mean?"

"It means, it's just _me_, and it's not like I'm special or anything."

"Bella…" She sighed. "I wish you could see yourself like I do. Or like your friends do. You are special, sweetheart."

"Sure," I mumbled.

"I don't know what it'll take to convince you but, trust me, one day you'll see it. And you shouldn't need some boy to prove that."

"Still, flowers are nice," I joked.

"Yes, flowers are nice," she agreed. "So, is it the flowers that have you in such a good mood?"

"Huh?"

"Just something I noticed. The way you hummed to yourself making dinner; just talking. This is the best mood I've seen you in for awhile."

"Really?" I questioned. I didn't think I'd been acting any different. Still, I couldn't deny that I felt much better after Edward's apology this afternoon. While the situation wasn't really that much different, at least I felt better knowing that me and my friendship were a priority to him. "Huh, I hadn't noticed."

"Uh huh," she said, sounding unconvinced. "Maybe you liked the attention from Jake a little more than you admit?"

"What? No!" I felt a sudden pang of guilt, realizing thoughts of Jake were a million miles away.

"Then what is it?"

"Oh, um...you remember that guy? The one I punched?"

"The one you really liked," she affirmed.

I blushed. "I heard from him today. He finally apologized. It's not like he likes me or anything, but at least he's not as big a jerk as I thought. At least, he's trying not to be."

"Hmm, so he finally grew a pair, huh?" She looked a little lost in thought.

"What? What is it?"

"Nothing, I'm just glad you're not upset anymore, honey." She smiled. "And speaking of boys, remind me to thank Alice."

"Huh? Why's that?"

"For showing up when she did. Mr. Black maybe pretty slick, but don't think I'm not aware of the tricks of teenage boys."

"Tricks?"

"Bella, not that I don't trust you but, I think you're a little too trusting sometimes. Let me just be clear now, no boyfriends in the house when I'm not here, okay." She stated, quirking an eyebrow.

"Mom!"

"Bella, I don't want details, but I dated my fair share when I was your age. If he pulled the whole _flowers_ routine on you, I can only imagine what else he might have wanted to do." I could feel my ears burning from the blush. She laughed. "Oh honey, don't be embarrassed. It's the nature of being hormonal teenagers. But I'm not ready to be a grandmother, just yet, and your Dad might have a grand mal seizure. I can only imagine how freaked out he's going to be when he realizes you're finally dating."

_Dad! Oh geez, I hadn't even thought of that._

I could only imagine him sitting in the living room with his badge and shotgun at the ready. For a rare instance, I was actually glad that we weren't under the same roof anymore.

#~#~#

I writhed around in my bed, half-asleep and dreaming. My hand was covering my neck, caressing the column of my throat. My other hand was rubbing the top of my thigh and my body was arching off the bed.

All I could see was that expanse of damp skin; the smallest hint of a belly that flattened into a perfectly smooth hipbone. Coppery hair that had become almost black with moisture, as it clung together and led a path to concealed wonders beneath a band of fluffy white terrycloth. An innocent religious medallion lying flat against the soft swell of pecs. Beautiful, slender fingers that ruffled wet hair over and over again.

I woke up breathing hard, as if I'd run a race. I'd been making out with Jake this afternoon; had gotten flowers from him, even! Yet, here I was, having fantasies about Edward, again! I couldn't shake those delectable images from my head, and tonight, upon waking, I'd been more frustrated than ever.

This had to stop. I couldn't give him up as a friend. That had already proven to be too difficult for the both of us. Still, it didn't look like he was going to be taking a backseat anytime soon in my fantasies. Not for the first time, I wished I didn't think of him that way, but God! Seeing him in my bathroom would be fueling those inappropriate thoughts for a long, long time.

Would it change if I went further with Jake? If I finally started to feel the same electricity with him? Was it even possible to negate something as consuming as my hopeless attraction? How wrong was it to use Jake to sate my need for someone else?

I was so going to hell.


	7. What I Am

_See, I'm not dead after all!_

_*crickets*_

_Yeah, um, my jaw dropped when I noticed the last chap posted in February. The next sound you hear would be me throwing my beta under the bus, but really, I'm the one both jumping the gun and dragging ass. Turns out most of what I'd written really belongs in chapter nine, so I had some backtracking to do. Hope it's worth it, and thanks for sticking with me._

_Era Cheat Sheet for this chapter over on the Twilighted thread - _www(dot)twilighted(dot)?f=44&t=7644 and feel free to give me a poke and a prod over on Twitter.

_Thanks to BananaPancakes for the pre-read, AmethystJackson for calling me on my crap, and KayCannon for letting me continually suck her time._

_

* * *

_

_What I am is what I am._

_Are you what you are?_

_Or what?_

_Don't let me get too deep_

**What I Am - Edie Brickell & The New Bohemians**

**Chapter 7 - What I Am**

The rest of my week had gone considerably better than the previous two. After Edward's apology on Monday, we'd easily fallen back into the comfortable dynamic of our friendship, and I was fine with that...

Mostly.

I couldn't say for certain if it was the addition of Jake in my life, but it did feel a bit easier, dealing with what could and couldn't be where Edward was concerned. In some ways, it reminded me of chess strategy and the idea of downboard thinking—looking several moves ahead made acceptable losses now for a better future more bearable. Sure, things were a bit uncomfortable but, in the long run, I'd be happier that we'd managed to keep our friendship.

Leave it to me to come up with the nerdy solution to my love life.

I talked with Jake on Wednesday, when he called and asked if he could come pick me up the next day. It felt weird to tell him no, especially considering _why_ I had to tell him no.

_Hey, sorry but 'no.' My Mom thinks you're gonna knock me up._

Not the most comfortable conversation, but I managed. He sounded somewhat disappointed, but I did point out we'd be seeing each other soon enough, on Saturday. After that, we had one of our nice, long talks about nothing in particular.

After I hung up, I wondered what it would be like if Jake and I went to the same school. Would it be that much easier to see Edward in a different perspective? Let go of my rampant hormones that couldn't stop thinking about his wet and half-naked body? If I'd thought letting go of those urges was difficult before, now it seemed next to impossible with that visual burned into the back of my eyelids.

Early Saturday morning, I was bundled up in a Suburban with the rest of the Chess Team as we headed off to a meet. Everyone was still a little sleepy, but anxious. Some were discussing their rankings, asking our coach if he had the list of our current state player points so we'd know if we had a chance at finals. We were good, but I didn't think we were _that_ good. Chess was a notoriously competitive sport, no matter what the average jock thought.

"Hey, did anyone remember Herman?" Half-a-Bee was crawling over the back bench seat, looking through our boxes of equipment. Herman was our team mascot—a stuffed and mounted lizard on a board. Whichever player we thought might need the most help in a tournament was the one that got Herman. Eric was having an off week, especially after losing his challenge to me for my board position. There was nothing quite as inspiring as having your opponent unnerved by a taxidermy gila monster.

God, we were a strange bunch.

"Check the box with the clocks. I think I saw Andy put him in there."

"Oh yeah, there he is! Thanks Bella!"

"No problem."

The guys had given me Herman for my first tournament, but we figured out quickly that it was completely unnecessary. Sure, I was a decent player, but apparently, the sheer fact that I was a girl—the _only_ girl, in a tournament full of 150 guys—was unnerving enough.

I sat back, and ruminated some more. I had a date tonight, and thankfully I wasn't nearly as nervous this time. Alice had come over the night before and helped me pick out another outfit—something with jeans this time, as Jake had promised to bring the motorcycle again. She also helped me master the whole eye makeup thing, so I no longer stabbed myself with the eyeliner.

I liked Jake. I really did. Despite what I'd read in romance novels, maybe it didn't always work that way—the instant physical connection. Some things had to be worked at, and allowed to grow over time. If we weren't dating, I could see us making great friends. He was smart and funny, and we had a good time whenever we were together. For that reason alone, I was willing to give this thing between us a chance. We clicked, if not sparked.

I doodled in the corner of my notation pad, not really paying attention to the game I was playing. My opponent was taking an inordinate amount of time between moves. Finally, he pushed a pawn, not realizing it gave me the perfect opening to force his king further back with my bishop.

"Check."

He moved his king towards the corner of the board, behind the line of pawns, effectively trapping it. I went to slide my rook down along the last rank.

"Check."

He blocked, which was his only option. I went to capture the piece, but as I reached for my rook, I saw him smile.

_Crap, what did I miss?_

I looked at the board, careful not to touch my pieces. One touch, and you were required to move it. I studied the positions, playing the next few sequences in my head twice before I saw it. Capturing his knight would make me vulnerable. He would take my rook, possibly both rooks. I was up, but I didn't know if I could win if I followed through on my original plan.

Our next few moves danced back and forth. Each of us was careful not to repeat the same series three times, which would lead to an immediate draw. It went on for much longer than I thought, prolonging the agony. Eventually we were the only game left in the round, and our teammates and other players gathered to watch. Each time I hesitated and made a safe move, there was an audible groan from the audience.

This was always my weakest point in play—the endgame. I was terrified to lose any pieces, but knew I'd have to sacrifice something in order to win. My face reddened with each passing move, as the noises from the crowd grew louder with each mistake I made. Obviously they could see what I couldn't—the way to win.

I nearly considered forfeiting, just to end my humiliation. I took a deep breath, studying the board once again. There was no way to end this without sacrifice, but at this point, I just wanted the game over and done. I mapped out my next three moves, hoping they'd go as planned. If not, I'd have to readjust, but my current course of action was just painful.

I took his knight, he took my rook. I put him in check, he took my other rook. I checked with my queen and finally he backed up his stupid king, just where I needed it. I looked at the board, scrutinizing every single piece to make sure, before I captured his pawn with my queen.

"Checkmate." I sighed, and it earned a round of applause from around us. My cheeks burned in humiliation, but at least I'd finally won. We shook hands over the board, and I sagged back into my chair, glad it was finally over.

"Bella?" I looked at my coach. "End game studies next week, and over spring break, yes?"

"Yes sir." I smiled at him and he laughed.

#~#~#

My date went better than expected. I wasn't nearly as nervous as I had been last week, and my familiarity with Jake made it more fun than nerve-wracking. I was excited to climb onto the back of his motorcycle again, loving the feeling of the world whipping by us at forty miles an hour. Every once in awhile I'd clasp him tighter with my left arm, flinging my right arm out into the wind and letting it rush around and envelop me. My heart was racing when we finally came to a stop.

Mill Avenue on a Saturday night was usually a nightmare—loud, crowded, and extremely difficult to find a parking space. But, with Jake's motorcycle, parking was a breeze. I climbed off the back, handing him my helmet and wearing an immense smile.

"Really dig the bike, huh?"

I nodded. "Is it that obvious?"

"Yeah, not that I mind."

"It just feels so...intense. I don't know. Almost like we're flying or something." I hadn't told him about my long-standing crush on Christopher Reeve and all things Superman. He thought I was enough of a nerd as it was.

"I can't say my dad is too thrilled about it, but he had a bike when he was my age. It's definitely part of the thrill; the freedom."

He took my hand and we walked into Slices, a cheap hole-in-wall with even cheaper pizza. We were in that rare time of the year when the weather was perfect, so we sat outside and enjoyed ourselves. I learned that Jake had two sisters, both currently attending ASU, as well. He planned on studying psychology because he could never understand women.

"Seriously? That's your reasoning?"

"You don't know my sisters. Not a single thing they did has ever made sense to me."

We talked some more before cleaning up and walking down to the Valley Art. Before Jake had a chance to buy our tickets, I rushed ahead to the counter.

"No, it's my turn. You treated last time, and for dinner." I smiled at him, pulling out my wallet for the cashier.

"Yeah, but I invited you out." He scowled, and I wondered if I'd offended him.

"Maybe, but I'm the one making you sit through a foreign film."

His eyes widened a bit, taking in my point. "Okay, you're right. You win."

#~#~#

Two and half hours later we were walking back towards his bike, having just watched _Cinema Paradiso_. I was still sniffling into my small wad of Kleenex as he walked beside me with his hands in his pocket.

"See what I mean? I just don't get women."

"Wh-what do you mean?" I dabbed at my eyes, stopping once more to blow my nose.

"Okay, I get that it was sad that the old guy died and all, but what was the point of leaving all those kisses and stuff for the kid? Like, the dude was a big time moviemaker at that point. Didn't he think he'd ever seen kissing before? At his age?"

I could only stare at him, my mouth agape.

"That wasn't the point. It was...it was Alfredo showing him that all that passion and beauty survived. It's like he saved it just for him, to show him he loved the art and movies, just as much as he did, no matter what they made him edit out."

"Nah, the old guy was a perv. He just saved it for his own jollies." I couldn't decide if he was being serious or just pulling my chain. "That's why I didn't get it. I figured once he went blind, he would have thrown all that stuff away."

_Ohmigod_! He _was_ serious.

"That...how could you _think_ that?"

"What?" He laughed, taking in my expression. "He was a perv."

"He was his _mentor!"_

"He was an old guy spending way too much time with a little boy."

"You're joking."

"What? No way. All these foreign films are like that. Pervy things pretending to be all deep and meaningful and arty."

I just shook my head and continued to walk ahead of him.

#~#~#

We strolled along Mill for another hour, taking in the various musicians and artists selling pieces of work from sections of the sidewalk. Then we finally got on the bike and headed back to my apartment. I tried not to let our disagreeing points of view on the movie bother me. Instead, I just flung my arm out at random intervals, flattening my hand like a little wing soaring through the air.

"If I didn't think my parents would kill me, I'd get a bike of my own," I told him, once we'd gotten to my front door.

"I'm sure your dad wouldn't take that too well. My dad was all over me about motorcycle fatalities. With yours being a cop and all, he's probably seen his fair share."

"I suppose." I wrinkled my nose, remembering nights when Dad would come home, distraught and desperate to hug the both of us. It didn't take much to figure out those were the nights when he'd seen the worst.

"You know, if you wanted to, I could teach you to ride mine."

I'm sure my answering smile was practically blinding. "Really?"

"Hey, nothing too fancy. I'm talking the basics here. Something simple in a parking lot. You know, to get your feet wet."

"Oh Jake, I'd love to!"

"I'm really busy this week, with spring break coming up and all. Next Saturday?" I nodded fervently. "We could catch a movie afterwards. Something in English!" he amended. "With lots of guns."

I laughed. "Okay, I think I can handle that."

"Alright, then it's a date. Six o'clock?"

"Sure."

"Cool."

He leaned in, and didn't bother asking permission this time. Once more, I found myself searching for _that_ feeling, even a glimmer of that feeling. His kiss was soft and slow, as if he were trying to draw out the emotion from me. I matched his motions as best I could until, unbidden, an image of Edward half-naked flitted through my memory. Just the thought caused my stomach to clench, my actions becoming more animated and I hummed.

Jake took that as a sign of approval, and moaned back before drawing me closer. I pulled back suddenly, wracked with guilt over my traitorous heart. My face flamed with regret. I wanted to build something unique with Jake, not use him as a physical stand-in for someone else.

"G-goodnight Jake."

"Bella...wow! That was..."

The awe in his voice made me feel that much worse. I gave him the best smile I could. "I'll see you next Saturday."

He ducked in for another quick kiss, catching me off-guard. "Longest week of my life. See you next Saturday, Bella."

He stood there, smiling as he waited for me to get in the door. I turned and waved, once more, before closing it behind me.

I felt sick.

#~#~#

"So, rainy ol' Washington, huh? You going to get rehydrated or something?"

I plucked at the grass while playing with one of the fallen leaves from the big orange tree in the quad. When the weather was nice like this, it was our preferred spot for lunch. Well, when we didn't have the time or money to indulge in off-campus privileges. The cafeteria pizza had nothing on Burger King, but it was impossible to get in and out of there and not have to inhale your food to make it back in time.

"Yeah, Em. I'm starting to wither. I need to see a little green before the summer hits and I become a weathered husk like the rest of you."

"Hey Bell, nothing says summer like the bright sun, 115 degrees, and tubing down the Salt!"

I cringed, remembering last year when the guys had talked me into riding an inner-tube down the Salt River for four hours. It wasn't like thousands of people didn't do it every year, but I wasn't as lucky as them. Despite the vast amounts of sunblock, a t-shirt and floppy hat, I still managed to get sunburned to the point of blisters, not to mention a nasty case of tube rash under my arms. It was just icing on the cake that I also had a front row seat to Edward ogling Kate what's-her-name and her barely-there bikini.

"Yeah, I think I'll pass. I'm more of a bowling alley, movie theatre, large air-conditioning unit kind of summer gal."

"Ah, don't speak so soon. I'm thinking of getting a job at Sunsplash this summer. That means free admission for all my friends!" He grinned at me and nudged my shoulder.

"_The_ Sunsplash? Like, _Bill & Ted's_ Sunsplash?"

"Waterloop, baby!"

Edward sat down next to us, leaning against the trunk as he cracked open a Hawaiian Punch. "Ah, you telling her about Sunsplash?"

"The one and only."

"Well, just make sure you don't mention it in student council. If I have to hear Tyler's story one more time, about being in that film, I might throttle him."

I laughed. Tyler had been pretty insufferable once _Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure_ had come out. They'd filmed it all over the Valley, and he kept telling us about how he'd gotten to be an extra in some movie. When it finally came out, you would have thought that Tyler single-handedly made the film a success. If you watched the left-hand side of the screen for three seconds during one scene, you could see him as one of the futuristic people in a silver jumpsuit. Certainly his air guitar spelled _Oscar_ nomination. That guy was holding on to his fifteen minutes of fame as long as possible.

"Bell here seems to think that summers should be spent indoors."

"Pardon me for being a fan of temperatures that don't turn metal into vapor."

"Oh c'mon, Bella, it's not that bad. I used to skateboard everywhere in the summer before I got to drive. I survived."

"Uh-huh. And you're telling me you miss that? Racing your skateboard along asphalt that's all gooey from the heat?"

"Eh, maybe a little bit. At least when the tar was all melted it didn't let the gravel dig too much into my skin." I winced, imagining all sorts of injuries he must have sustained in his years of skateboarding. He caught my expression and grinned. "Oh yeah, this one time, I was wearing shorts, and Em told me he didn't think I could grind the curb for more than five feet..."

"Oh no!" I waved my Twinkie at him, trying to ward off the impending horror story. "I don't wanna know!"

"Oh dude, I remember that."

"Emmett! Don't encourage him!"

"So I jumped on my board, and caught the curb just right. But then the edge of my board hooked this bit where a tree trunk made the sidewalk buckle, and I went flying. Check this out." He rolled up his pant leg, and showed off the strawberry, comet-shaped scar on his knee. I'd always wondered how he got that. "Oozed blood like crazy. Really deep scrape."

"Ew, I'm trying to _eat!"_

"Oh Bell, it gets better. He tells me to go get his dad, because he thinks he sprained his ankle. I turn around to run, and my foot gets caught on the same damned chunk of concrete."

"He went down like a ton of bricks."

"Yeah, see this?" He pushed his hair back, showing me a half-inch scar along his hairline. "Cracked my head open on the fucking sidewalk."

"So now there's blood everywhere..."

"I'm gonna be sick!"

"...and Emmett can barely stand from being so dizzy."

"And Edward can barely walk from screwing up his ankle."

"So the two of us have to hobble down the three houses it takes to get back home."

"All broken and bleeding and carrying your deck and shit."

"And my Mom freaked out when she saw the trail of blood we left from the front door to Dad's den."

"Oh yeah, dude, your poor mom! But what about Alice?"

"Talk about a freak out."

"Ugh, you win!" I groaned. With my appetite completely gone, I thrust my Twinkie out at Emmett, who happily gobbled it down. "You guys suck, by the way." They laughed, and Emmett threw an arm around me, pulling me into his side. I rolled my eyes at the both of them, but a smile still pulled at my lips. They both saw it and laughed again.

Edward offered me an apology in the form of a cupcake from his two-pack. "So, what brought up all the talk of summers in the Valley of the Sun Stroke, anyway?"

"Bell's going back to Washington."

Edward's eyes grew wide. "F-for the whole summer?"

"Nah, just for spring break. Although, if we can afford it, maybe a couple of weeks in the summer? Hell, maybe the month of July?" I grinned at the thought of escaping the worst of the heat, and then sighed. "But... that's a long shot. Airfare isn't cheap." I looked down, gripped by a sudden feel of melancholy for home and my Dad. I went back to plucking at the grass.

"Washington sucks anyway, Bell...OW!" I looked up, having heard both Emmett's cry and the clear 'thwack' of Edward hitting him in the back of the head. "What the fuck was that for?"

"She misses her dad, dumbass." Edward gave me an apologetic look.

"Oh, sorry Bell."

"It's okay." I shrugged, giving them a small smile. "I get to see him next week, right?"

"Yeah, we'll miss you."

"Thanks." I blushed, smiling at Edward. It was nice knowing that sometimes, he just 'got' me.

#~#~#

Jake surprised me on Tuesday, showing up in the parking lot after school to offer me a ride. Today, instead of the leather, he wore his letterman jacket. The arms were covered in all sorts of patches—the true mark of wanting to impress on your college applications.

"Don't worry, I know the rules. I'm not looking to get in trouble with your mom, I just wanted to see you." His grin was infectious. I couldn't help but smile back.

"Rules?" Emmett teased, nearly nudging me off of the sidewalk. "What rules are those, sunshine?"

"None of your business, Em." I shoved him back. "Tell Edward I said bye. I'll see you guys tomorrow."

"Be careful, Bell. See you later." He looked over at Jake, and I almost felt the air chill with his tone. "Later." He walked off towards Edward's car, and my mouth dropped open as I watched him. I couldn't imagine why he still seemed to dislike Jake so much.

"Well gee, _that_ was refreshing."

"Sorry about that, Jake."

"Like I expect anything less from the Incredible Hulk, there."

"Yeah, God forbid you make him angry," I joked, then paled a bit when I thought about what might happen if Jake ever did make Emmett angry. They were both big guys, but my money would always be on Emmett. My weak laugh made the moment that much more uncomfortable.

"C'mon. I thought we could grab some milkshakes and hang out for a bit."

"And how, exactly, do we carry milkshakes on this thing?"

He handed me a helmet before fastening his. "Oh no, it's how, exactly, do _you_ carry milkshakes on this thing."

"You're gonna trust me—_me_—with _that?_"

"Easy as pie, Bella. Just don't spill them on me."

"Ugh, okay. But, just so you know, I'm not really in a position to afford a dry cleaning bill."

"I'll take the risk. C'mon." He smiled and waved me over with is arm. I laughed, shaking my head before I finally climbed on behind him. I turned to wave goodbye at the guys, and saw them both standing by the car, arms crossed, wearing twin frowns.

_Oookay... So telling them about my little riding lesson on Saturday is definitely out._

We hit the drive-thru at Burger King, and thankfully I didn't have to carry anything. Both shakes and a bag of fries fit just fine in the saddlebag. Then, Jake brought me back to the apartment complex. I felt silly making him wait outside, but I did promise my Mom. Once I put my things away, we walked to one of the picnic tables in the courtyard.

"So, this is a nice surprise." I smiled and tried not to make gross slurping sounds with my shake.

"Admit it, you missed me."

"Eh," I shrugged, and then laughed at his exaggerated pout. "Okay, maybe a little."

"I didn't want to have to wait a whole week before seeing you again. I managed to get off the hook for dance committee planning this afternoon, so I figured I'd use my time wisely."

"Oh, you too? Prom?"

"No, a fundraiser for senior class. We're a couple thousand shy of breaking last year's record. If we hit our goal, we can donate a new marquee to the school."

"Nice."

"The dance is still a month off. A little too close to prom, but I figure we can get in a good crowd."

"That's good."

"So, maybe you'll want to go with me?"

_Oh_...

"Um, I, uh..." His face fell as I stammered. "Oh no, it's not anything bad. It's just... Well, you saw me at mini-golf. Turns out I'm just as deadly with my two left feet. I don't dance. Like, not ever."

He laughed. "C'mon Bella, you can't be _that_ bad."

I raised an eyebrow. "How's your knee cap?"

He winced. "Okay, point taken."

We finished eating our fries, comparing our busy schedules with student council, and his with sports. I considered telling him about my miserable tournament on Saturday, but thought better of it. He mentioned how he'd be getting another letter for basketball, but his jacket was already full.

"Yeah, the only way I'm getting a varsity letter is in chess or something. At least you get the honorary one for student council. You can only imagine what a disaster I'd be at other sports."

"Yeah. That's kind of bullshit, don't you think?"

I looked at the smirk on his face, confused. "What, my utterly lethal display of non-agility?"

"No, that they give a varsity letter for _chess_."

"Excuse me?" I thought he was teasing. I _hoped_ he was teasing.

"Well, it's not like it's a _real_ sport. I mean, not like something hard like basketball or football."

"You're right." I glared at him, feeling my ears burn in indignation. "It's a lot _harder_."

"Riiight," he drawled. "It's really hard to sit there and just push pieces around on a board."

"You do realize there's strategy involved. Not to mention the infinite number of possible moves, the skill of your opponent, the time constraints..."

"Yeah, for a _board_ game. Geez, next thing you know they'll be giving out letters for checkers too." He laughed. I continued glaring at him and the laughter died in his throat. "Why are you getting so worked up? Oh shit, are your friends chess players? I never would have guessed—they hardly look the type."

"The type?" I sat back, crossing my arms over my chest.

_Oh, this should be good. Yeah, keep digging that grave, buddy!_

"Yeah, you know—pocket protectors, skinny, glasses with the tape on the bridge—the _type_."

My scalp was prickling now. I hadn't been this pissed off since...well, since I'd decked Edward. I opened my mouth, ready to give him a good piece of my mind (and keeping my clenched fists safely tucked against my chest), until it suddenly occurred to me—what if he didn't like 'geeks.' I mean, he certainly seemed to like me, but I'd never told him just how nerdy I was. And, from the looks of it, it didn't seem like something he'd appreciate.

All this time I was worried about not liking him enough. It never occurred to me that maybe he wouldn't like me enough, either. Especially given the chance to know more about me. I felt myself deflate just a bit, going from righteously indignant to scared and secretive in about a nanosecond.

_Double-edged swords—ain't they a bitch?_

"No, Edward and Emmett don't play chess, but I have plenty of friends who do."

"Crap, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to piss you off."

"It's not as easy as you'd think. Really."

"Yeah, but it's not as hard as pushing yourself physically, or depending on your teammates to get the job done."

"No, you don't have to worry too much about team play," I conceded.

"And, it's not like you can suffer a chess injury, right?" he joked.

"Yeah, right." I couldn't look at him. "Um, I should get back inside. I have a bunch of homework I need to get done before Mom gets home, and I'm on dinner duty."

"Oh, yeah, sure." He grabbed our things and threw them in the closest garbage can. We walked towards my door in uncomfortable silence.

"Um, thanks for picking me up."

"No problem. And hey, sorry for offending you like that. I mean, it's a good thing, right?"

"What is?"

"That your friends are chess players. It gives me less to worry about." He smiled at me and leaned in for a kiss. I turned my head just enough that he got my cheek and not my lips. He seemed surprised, but didn't say anything.

"Sure, good thing. I'll, um, see you Saturday. Thanks again." I waved.

"No problem. Bye, Bella."

#~#~#

I didn't have much of an appetite by the time dinner rolled around. I kept telling myself it was because of the fries and milkshakes, but even I couldn't lie to myself that effectively. I wasn't sure who I was more upset with—Jake for thinking the way he did, or myself for not speaking my mind. It wasn't like me, generally, to back down like that. But the thought of driving away the guy—the _only_ guy—who'd ever been interested in me, seemed like enough of a deterrent.

It also made me aware of the dangerously slippery slope I was perched along. I vowed if I ever started batting my eyelashes, twirling my hair, or playing dumb to impress him, I'd gladly shoot myself.

"I'd blame the chef, but since that's you, I take it there's another reason you're not eating?"

"Huh? Oh, sorry Mom. At least I have lunch for tomorrow."

"What's bothering you?"

"Oh, um, it's Jake."

I told her about how our non-fight had me so worked up. It was more difficult to explain why I'd kept my mouth shut.

"Hmm. I can understand why you might be uncomfortable telling him, but he'll probably find out eventually, right?"

"I suppose. I dunno. It just didn't seem like the time. I didn't want to unleash Bella Ball Ripper on him." She snorted. It was a rare response, and I gave a small laugh. "It's a nickname Em gave me. I'm hoping it doesn't stick, but it certainly felt like I was ready to live up to it this afternoon."

"Well, I could certainly understand you reining it in. I just hate that you feel like you have to hide who you are."

I hated it too. A lot. "Yeah..."

Before I could elaborate, the phone rang. "Go on, I'll clean up here."

"Thanks, Mom."

Sure enough, it was Alice, wanting a breakdown of my day.

"So I hear Mr. Motorcycle came to pick you up, today."

"Oh yeah?"

"Listening to the guys, you'd have thought he clubbed you over the head and dragged you back to his cave."

I laughed. Trust Alice to immediately lift my mood. "You know, I don't get what they have against him. I've never heard Emmett sound so menacing with one word."

"Yeah, I have my theories. Welcome to the wonderful world of being a little sister."

"Are they this bad with you?"

"Remind me to tell you about the time Edward caught me playing _Spin the Bottle_. He scared the ever-loving crap out of this boy I had a crush on."

"Oh geez!"

"Yeah, but it's okay. Turns out the guy was a real creep."

"Fantastic. Are they still that bad?"

"Not that I've noticed, but I haven't really been interested in anyone." She paused. "Why? What aren't you telling me?"

How did she _do_ that?

"Well, don't say anything, but Saturday Jake offered to teach me how to drive his motorcycle."

"No! Way!"

"I know! I'm really excited. But you should have seen the looks on the guys' faces, today, when we left school. That's why I don't want to say anything."

"Well, count on me to keep a secret. I don't suppose your mom knows."

"Um, you know that saying? Better to ask forgiveness..."

"...than beg permission. Yep, I've used that one more than once."

"It's not exactly that I'm afraid she'll say no, but we're just practicing in a parking lot. I'm not gonna do anything reckless."

"Uh huh. So, if anything happens, can I have your collection of 45s?"

"So concerned for my welfare!"

"What are best friends for?"

#~#~#

For the most part, I'd had a good night's rest. For once I tried not to think about any of my romantic issues, and decided to focus on the growing mountain of homework I had. If I didn't want to spend my entire time with Dad at my old dining room table surrounded by books, I'd best get to work.

However, when it came to the _physicality_ of my situation, I was still suffering. It was an ongoing nightly occurrence to wake up frustrated, sweating and with a dull throb between my legs. I hated that I was still in full blown lust with my best friend, when my head had been doing such a good job of consoling my heart. Apparently logic just didn't hold in my subconscious.

I didn't want to broach the subject with my Mom, though I was certain that she'd probably have the most thorough and concise answers on the subject. Sure, talking about sex was one thing, because, truly, it was _so_ beyond the realm of possibility. However, masturbation was another matter, entirely. Once that cat was out of the bag, we'd both know what would be going on behind closed doors, and I just couldn't handle that.

Angela was my closest girlfriend at school but, again, I just didn't see myself raising the topic with her. It didn't seem like something you could casually bring up in everyday conversation, and I wasn't really the type to fabricate a situation where I could not-so-casually bring it up, either. Harrowing parallels to Summer's Eve commercials ran though my head. There were no beaches in Phoenix, so I guess I'd never have the opportunity to ask anyone about a not-so-fresh feeling.

_Hey Mom, do you ever get that not-quite-satisfied feeling?_

I groaned, hiding my face in my palms at the thought.

After the third night of waking up a sweaty mess, I'd realized that I would, quite literally, have to start taking matters into my own hands. After weighing my options—embarrassment vs. frank discussion—I decided to fall back on my one, constant companion; books.

That's how I found myself lurking the Phoenix Central Public Library, like a brazen hussy, on a Thursday evening. The Dewey Decimal system had answered a lot of questions in my years, including how to deal with divorce, how to make a - decent pot roast, and how to alter a pair of faded jeans into a decent denim skirt. I was hoping it would come to my rescue, once again, no matter how risqué the subject matter.

I wasn't a complete novice. I had overheard various conversations about how other girls got the deed done, whether it was by hands or pillow humping, but I wanted definitive answers. I didn't want to spend hours blindly groping myself in frustration. Surely I wasn't the first girl to go through this, and someone, somewhere, had to have the answers I was looking for—bound, printed, and easily hidden under a mattress. Face-to-face discussions with parents or medical professionals I could do without.

I found a dog-eared copy of _The Joy of Sex_ and hoped that it might be a good place to start. Many of the other titles related specifically to women's health and sexuality had mysteriously disappeared or were otherwise lost within the vast library. This, and a handful of graphic and racy romance novels, would have to suffice.

I also gathered a few other books—some for show and others that I actually needed. I had a paper due in honors History within the next week, so I figured I might as well get some work done while I was at it. Besides, I didn't want to be the conspicuous pervert at the table, looking at nothing but sexual diagrams.

The library basement may have had fewer people, but that's where all the periodicals and copy machines were housed, and that was simply too much traffic. I, instead, opted for the second floor, near the back, where I usually found various comic compendiums and the like. There were only a handful of people on this floor, and it was easy enough to find a large reference book to tuck my illicit material in.

I could already feel myself flushing red as I hastily flipped through the pages of drawings. I wished I could think of a more discreet way to get the information I needed, rather than feeling like some kind of criminal. Thankfully, it didn't take long to find what I needed. A rather detailed diagram of the female anatomy showed me exactly what I should concentrate on, and how I should concentrate on it. I wasn't sure about some of the practices listed, but I was certainly curious enough to keep them in mind, should the basics prove unfulfilling. I was so fascinated and enthralled at the descriptions, that the fear slowly faded and I became enraptured with all of the possibilities detailed in the text.

I really would need to find a way to get a removable shower head.

"Hey, Bella!"

I nearly fell off my chair as I heard Alice's chipper voice carry across the silent library. I righted myself as quickly as I could, making sure to hide the sex guide underneath several reference books and my sweater. Sure enough, I could see Emmett and Edward not too far behind her.

She slid into the chair next to me, slapping down several books on the Revolutionary War. "Fancy meeting your here, Pink Cheeks!"

"Hey Alice. What are you doing here?"

"Need info on the wonders of Paul Revere. I have to finish up an oral presentation for tomorrow. I actually tried calling you before we came. Told your mom we'd bring you home if we found you."

"Oh, um, thanks!" I hoped she didn't notice how flustered I was. She cocked her head to the side, narrowing her eyes a bit. I knew I was busted, but at least she didn't question me as the guys sat down.

"Hiya Bell. Lemme guess, World War II?"

"The one and only, Em."

"Hey Bella, did you happen to pick up that one Mussolini book Mr. Robinson was talking about? We couldn't find it out there."

"Oh yeah, actually, I did." I picked my way through my stack of books, careful not to disturb my hidden stash of porn. Emmett would never let me hear the end of it—not that it would matter. I'd surely die of mortification first.

"Hey, did you want a ride home? We were gonna stay 'til closing anyway."

"Oh, um, sure Edward. Alice already offered. That would be great. Saves my Mom from having to come and get me."

The four of us continued working on our papers. There was never a moment for me to discard the hidden book, as someone was always present at the table. I figured I'd just wait 'til the guys got up, sure that I wouldn't melt into a puddle of embarrassment if Alice saw what I had, but that moment never came. Alice was usually the one who had to get up and find new books, as she was the only one working on something different.

Just my rotten luck. I spent the rest of the evening in my own version of the _Telltale Heart_, certain that everyone had x-ray vision and could see through the books and my sweater to _The Joy of Sex_ hidden below. My heart continued to beat out '_per-vert, per-vert'_ with every double-thump.

Not nearly soon enough, it was 8:45, and we'd finally decided to call it a night. Now I had to find a way to not draw suspicion to myself as we gathered our things and made our way to the checkout line. Everyone was standing up but me.

"Um, I'll meet you down there. I just want to write one more thing down before I forget." I jotted some nonsense into my notebook, trying to catch a glimpse of everyone to see if they'd go on ahead. Alice and Emmett started walking towards the front desks, but Edward lingered, waiting for me.

_Of all the times...seriously?!_

I hastily scribbled some more stuff, hoping he'd follow along, but, ever the gentlemen, he waited for me. I couldn't stall anymore and finally stood up, throwing him a quick smile as I collected my books. It was a completely and utterly cliché thing to do, but I didn't really have a choice.

With genuine , Bella Swan grace, I grabbed my sweater and knocked my safe, strategic, not-so-carefully stacked books off the table.

"Oh crap," I muttered, sounding like the world's worst actress. Edward, true to form, knelt to collect them off the floor. "Oh, thanks Edward." While he was beneath the table, I quickly splayed and arranged the remaining books to hide the one on the bottom. I threw my sweater on, and gave another glance at my handiwork before he handed me my things.

_Oh yes, I am a diabolical genius!_

We walked to join the others. I was arranging my stack from smallest to largest, hoping to make it a bit easier for the librarian.

"Some pretty racy stuff there, Bella."

I froze, feeling the blood drain from my face. Edward clipped my shoulder as I had come to a sudden stop. "Wh-what?"

"Harlequin Romances? Really?" He picked up a bodice ripper from my stack of history books and Dean Koontz.

"Oh, that?" I felt the blood rush back to face, both in relief and embarrassment. "Well, a girl's gotta diversify. Besides, you'd be surprised how well-written they are."

"Uh huh." He sounded skeptical, flipping through the pages and finding the dog-eared good parts. "Oh yeah, really well crafted." He stopped, reading a couple of paragraphs. "You know, I'd never think to describe a chest as 'heaving' and have it mean a good thing."

"Give me that!" I snatched the book from his hands, giving him a scowl. He laughed, no doubt amused at my irritation. We continued down the stairs, and found our way to Alice and Emmett in line.

"Aw man!" Alice rifled through her stack of books, picking through each title carefully before doing it again. "I think I left _Paul Revere's Midnight Run_ upstairs."

"Here, take these." Edward handed her his books for checkout. "What's it look like?"

"Blue cover. Black and white line art."

"Be right back." He ran and took the stairs, two by two.

"Hey Bell, doing some Barbara Taylor Bradford I see!"

"Ugh, yes, Emmett. I do read more than just Stephen King. Don't worry, Edward already gave me grief over it."

"You know, with a little olive oil on my chest and some longer hair, I could totally look like this guy. What do you think, Alice?" He set down his books, grabbed me by the waist, and tilted me back. He handed the romance novel to Alice, and then used his hand to shield his eyes, as he looked out over an imaginary horizon.

"Oh yes, I can totally see it!" Alice held the book out to show me the cover and we both laughed.

"Geez, Emmett, now I'm gonna have to get another one. I can't possibly read about..." I flipped through the pages searching for the name. "…_Roberto,_ and not think of you!"

"Oh Bell, feel free to fantasize all you like, but I'm a one-woman kinda guy."

"Em, you're breaking my heart!"

"Yeah, I know, but what are you gonna do when you look like this?"

"Were you always this shy?"

"I think Rosie has brought me out of my shell."

Alice gasped. "Emmett, you should totally be a pirate for Halloween!"

"Ooh, I wonder if Rosie would be my wench?"

"Lucky for you, October is a long way off. It'll give you time to phrase that question to her more appropriately. She doesn't strike me as the _wench_ type."

"Ha! That's some advice, coming from Bella Ball Ripper!"

Alice laughed. "Bella Ball Ripper?"

"I was having a bad day. And Emmett, feel free to forget that little incident."

"Oh no, Bell. That will forever remain legend! How little you appreciate the way you made grown teenage boys pale in fear!"

"I can't wait 'til I go to school with you guys next year."

"Oh yeah, Little Bit, it's nothing but wonder and excitement in high school!"

"Don't call me that, Em!"

"Ah, see Alice, it's all fun and games until he starts calling _you_ names."

Edward worked his way through the line back to us with Paul Revere in hand. "Here you go, Alice."

"Thanks."

"No problem."

I looked at Edward, and I could have sworn he was avoiding my gaze. An odd silence settled over us until we made our way through the check out process. Books in hand, we walked out to his car where I sat in the back with Alice.

"Hey, Em? Speaking of your pirate wench, are you bringing her tomorrow?"

"Yeah, actually. Is Mr. Motorcycle gonna be there?"

"What, did you guys collectively decide on that name?" Alice just shrugged at me and I continued. "Anyway, it wouldn't be much fun for him. I'm gonna be working the whole night."

"What's going on?" Alice asked.

"Oh, the Chess Team is hosting a school dance, tomorrow. Pretty funny considering that none of us are the types to go to dances, in general, but it beats selling candy as a fundraiser."

"But Jake's not coming? I'm surprised."

"Yeah, well, I didn't really invite him." As if it wasn't already an issue, I didn't want to spring it on him like that. "Like I said, what would be the point of him driving all the way out here, just to sit with me while I decorate, take money, and clean up?"

Alice gave me a smirk. "Oh, I'm sure he wouldn't mind."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Edward? Emmett?" she asked. "If your girlfriend was going to a school dance, even if she was running the dance, would _you_ want her to go alone?"

"Hell no," Emmett spoke up. "That's not cool, Bell. You should have told him."

"But, I don't want him to be bored." I also didn't want to freak him out with my nerdiness. It didn't help that I happened to be the vice-president of the Chess Club. Usually it was something I was pretty proud of. Now, it just compounded the problem.

"That's not the point. I wouldn't want Rose out there, all dolled up, with a bunch of guys sniffing around."

I laughed. "Em, really? Huge difference between me and Rosalie."

"What? 'Cause she's blonde?"

"No, stupid, because she's _Rosalie_! Gorgeous, curvy, brilliant Rosalie. I could see why you wouldn't let her out of your sight. She must have to beat them off with a stick."

"But that's my point. You don't let your girl go out there with a stick when you should be out there fighting them off for her."

"Well there you go."

"Huh?"

"It means I don't get _sniffed_, Em, geez! It's just _me!"_ Already I could feel my face heating up, and I was more than a little irritated. I was glad I was in the back seat and not easily observable by anyone other than Alice.

_Two years at this school and anyone has yet to sniff in my general direction!_

"Still, you should give him a call." Emmett sounded a bit chastised. I guess I let my annoyance show more than I thought.

"Sure thing. I'll bet he's dying to babysit me." I leaned my forehead against the window, staring out at the passing night. Alice quickly changed the subject to something trivial, and I didn't speak again until we'd reached my apartment complex.

"It's late. C'mon, I'll walk you in." Edward left Emmett and Alice in the car, and then walked around to open my door.

"Oh, hey, have fun on Saturday. And be careful!" Alice hugged me before I got out of the car.

"Thanks." I smiled at her. "Um, goodnight you guys. Em, I'll see you tomorrow."

"Later Bell!"

Edward, polite as ever, led the way to my door. "Hey, sorry about that. He didn't mean to upset you."

I sighed. "I know. I'm just a bit touchy, is all."

"Not to piss you off, but they do have a point. You really should call him."

"He'd be bored to tears. I really don't want to inconvenience him." I felt stupid telling him the real reason I didn't want to bother Jake. Nothing like pointing out my failings in the romance department. Edward laughed, and I threw him a puzzled look.

"Bella, trust me, it wouldn't be an inconvenience." We stopped in front of my door, and he took my books while I rummaged for my key. "If you were my girlfriend," I stilled, feeling my heart clench just a bit at his words, "I wouldn't want you out at a dance, or a party, or any social situation by yourself if I could help it. It's simply a question of opportunity. I mean, it's obvious the guy is really into you, and he wouldn't want you to be alone if he could help it."

"Opportunity?"

"Well, yeah. I mean, not that you're not trustworthy or anything, but you don't ever, ever, make a girl feel lonely or not important. Especially if she's gonna be in a situation where any other interested guy can pick up on that."

"Geez, you make it sound like _Wild Kingdom_."

He gave a weak chuckle. "Yeah, in a way it is. He wouldn't want you out there limping along in front of the other predators."

"If Marlin Perkins shows up as our DJ, maybe I'll start to worry." I laughed. "And let's be serious, you and I both know I could be bleeding from the head and the predators wouldn't care less." He stared at me like I was crazy. As much as I didn't really want to, I explained. "Edward, I've been going to this school for two years. No one's so much as looked at me twice. Geeky _chess players_ are just not in this season, or any season for that matter. The only reason Jake asked me out is because he didn't seem to know any better. I'm like that stupid cat that gets the white stripe painted on its back. Wait 'til Pepe Le Pew finds out I'm just a cat."

I meant it as a joke, but I could feel my chest ache, again, realizing the truth in my words. It took the anonymity of the state convention to catch anyone's attention. I wondered how long it would take for Jake to be exposed to me on a more regular basis, before he realized how unappealing I was. I felt the flurry of emotions cross my face—both despair and relief—before I could stop them.

"Bella, that's not true. You're as much a skunk as the rest of us." He smiled, trying to joke with me. When I didn't respond he touched my upper arm to emphasize his point. I shrugged him off, fighting down more unpleasant thoughts as I wrestled my books from his other arm.

"Yeah, but skunks wouldn't need _favors_," I mumbled.

_Shit!_

_Shit shit_ _shit!_

I don't know where that came from, or even if he heard me clearly. The last thing I wanted to do was bring all this up, again. Especially now, after everything we'd been through to get back on common ground.

"Forget it, okay. I'll call him." I couldn't meet his eyes. I didn't dare glance for fear of seeing pity for poor, stupid, inexperienced Bella on his face, yet again. Or, worse yet, that wounded puppy dog expression. I spun and banged on the door. "Mom, it's me!" I turned my head back, still not quite looking at him, "Um, thanks again for the ride. I'll see you tomorrow, 'k?"

"Bella?" I could feel him move closer behind me, his hand brushing along my shoulder.

_What was taking her so long?_

"MOM!" I yelled, banging on the door, once more. His breath was hot against my ear. I tensed—in fear, anticipation, and _hope_? I didn't even know anymore.

"Are you okay?" He was concerned, like any friend would be, but I could only hear the pity. A swell of ugly emotion was threatening to break. I didn't want another scene

.

_Please, please, please..._

"Bella?"

I kept banging on the door. "I'm fine. I just...just need to get inside."

"What's wro–?"

"MOM!" The door clicked open, and I practically fell, books and all, into the apartment.

"God, I thought you were getting murdered out here! Are you okay?" She knelt to help me pick up my books.

"Couldn't find my key," I mumbled, gathering my paperbacks.

"Oh, Edward, thanks for bringing her home."

"Um, sure. No problem, Ms. Swan."

"Here, let me take those." She grabbed the rest of my things and left me alone in the doorway with Edward.

"Are you sure you're okay?" I finally looked at him and gave a small shrug.

"Mostly." He looked like he was going to say more, but I'd hit my limit for the night, the week, the year. "Thanks again, and I'll see you tomorrow, alright?" I hoped my ghost of a smile was enough to placate him.

He drew a deep breath, and finally, thankfully, acquiesced. "Sure." He nodded. "G'night Bella."

"'Night."

I watched him, reluctantly, turn and walk away. I closed the door behind me, sighed, and sank against it.


	8. Faith

_Something unbelievably shitty happened to me, then something terrifyingly wonderful. Both of these things completely phase-shifted me out of my writing headspace (to sound totally geeky on you). It took me a bit to find my way back in here, but even tho' I'm slow, I intend to finish this thing, come hell, high water, backstabbing bitches, and impending bundles of joy!_

_I know it's late, but check my profile for Fandom Gives Back info - EPOV of any of these chapters so far (to later be part of the EPOV/So Cruel companion story), and the next chapter of Waxing Romantic._

_Sorry to have kept you waiting._

_:^)_

_

* * *

_

_"I went away alone_

_With nothing left_

_But faith"_

**_Faith - The Cure_**

**Chapter 8 - Faith**

When I was a kid, we'd gone to Seattle to visit Grandma Swan. I remember exploring her house, in awe of all the knick knacks she'd accumulated in her many years. On her coffee table, I'd spied a beautiful, crystal-tiered candy dish. It couldn't have been more than 18 inches high, but to my childhood eyes it was a looming tower of rainbow-hued, plastic-wrapped, sugary goodness.

No one was in the room with me, and I felt like I was committing a criminal act by snatching a red jellied candy from one of the tiers. I fought with the crinkly plastic, trying to rip it open before I was discovered. When I'd finally managed to pull the wrapping apart, I took the briefest second to admire the spoils of my grand heist before popping the entire candy into my mouth.

One chew and I promptly spit it out.

I didn't know if it was old, or rotten, or somehow contaminated, but it was possibly the worst thing I'd ever tasted in my entire eight years. That even included Mom's failed attempt at chicken a la king, which was drenched in something more like paper maché than gravy.

I stuffed the wrapper and tainted treat in my pocket, desperate to hide my failed attempt at the crime of the century. Still, there was _so much _candy. What were the odds that all of it was bad? Glancing around, I realized I still had the opportunity and definitely the motive, so I tried a chocolate candy this time.

If possible, it was worse than the first one.

The next hard candy was nearly as bad, though it seemed overly sweet at first. After three tries, I wasn't going to punish myself any further. However, I did realize that I had an obligation; even though I'd have to admit to my theft, there was no way I was going to let _my_ Grandma be subjected to the garbage in her candy dish.

"Um, Grandma?"

"What is it, sweetheart?"

I held out my hand, with the half-eaten candies and wrappers. "I'm sorry I ate your candy without asking, but they're all bad. You should throw them out and tell Daddy to buy you some more."

She laughed, walking me over to the trash to throw them away. "Oh sweetie, they're not bad."

"Yes they are, Grandma! They're the most disgusting things ever! You could get sick!" I panicked, thinking of her getting ill and Dad being so far away if she needed help. She merely smiled, helping me onto a step stool in front of the kitchen sink, and then washed my hands.

"Bellabell, my love, they're not bad. They're just sugar-free."

"What does that mean?"

"Grandma's diabetic, sweetie. It means I shouldn't really eat too much sugar, so I buy these candies with no sugar in them."

"But, they're so_ gross!"_

She laughed, again. "Well, after a time, you don't notice it as much. You get used to it, actually, and pretty soon they even taste kinda good."

"No way! Those are...are..._repugnant!"_

"I see you've been using that dictionary Grandpa got you for Christmas."

We sat at her couch, and I couldn't help but stare at the dish. They looked like real candy. They'd even smelled like real candy. But, you'd never know the difference until you actually tasted it.

And they tasted like poop.

"Do you like them better than real candy?"

"Oh no! Not at all. If I could, I'd eat the real thing any day of the week." I looked at her, confused. "They're just substitutes, Bellabell. The real thing is so much better." She sighed. "I hope you never have to give up the real thing."

I'd wrinkled my nose. "Never! Disgusting!"

"C'mon," she'd said, taking my hand, "let's see if we can get Dad to take us for ice cream."

#~#~#

9:30 p.m. seemed awfully late, but I made the call anyway. As much as I hated that everyone else was right, it felt nice that Jake wanted to spend the time with me. Unfortunately, he'd already committed to working concessions for a basketball game at his school. He wouldn't be done 'til sometime after 10, and it was at least a half hour drive between the two venues. I warned him I wouldn't be much fun, having to be responsible for so much, but he didn't seem to mind.

"I can be there a little before 11—help you close down the place?"

"Aw Jake, I don't want you to drive all the way out here for that. It's not worth it. Besides, we're still on for Saturday."

He tried to convince me that it wasn't a big deal, and I tried to talk him out of wasting the time and gas. But, in the end, he told me he'd be there. I still hadn't told him that it was actually for Chess Club, or that I played, but I figured we'd talk about if he found out. I certainly wasn't ready to bring it up.

_Chicken!_

I hung up the phone, feeling exhausted from my internal drama. I padded out to the living room in my pajamas and reminded Mom that I'd need the car the next night. I gave her a kiss and a hug, and then promptly returned to my room and collapsed on the bed.

I was definitely not in the mood for any _'self exploration'_ tonight. I gave a mirthless laugh at the thought that, when the time came, I'd probably have to woo myself. As luck would have it, I happened to know I was a sucker for a _Watchamacalit_ bar and a_ Doctor Who_ paperback.

_At least that's one relationship that's uncomplicated._

I grabbed a pillow and threw it over my head, falling asleep on top of the covers.

#~#~#

"So you guys are coming tonight, right?" I looked at the collected group of my fellow student council classmen.

"Well, you know I'll be there," Eric assured, smiling.

I rolled my eyes at him. "Yes, but you're _required_ to be there, under penalty of death!" We'd agreed that if I took charge of organizing the entire dance, every member of the Chess Club and team had to show up, preferably with dates.

Well, for those that could get them.

"Count us in!" Angela beamed as Ben threw his arm around her.

"And me and Rosalie. I'm dying to show her off!" Emmett had the toothiest, most ridiculous grin I'd ever seen him wear.

"Oh, it'd be nice to see her, again. Did you ever teach her how to throw a punch?"

"Yep!" He drew a deep breath, sounding proud. "It's a good thing I have these rock-hard abs for her to practice on." I feigned throwing a punch at his stomach, making him bring his knee up and shy away.

"Oh yeah, you're the macho man!" I chastised. He grabbed my wrist and pulled me towards him, twisting me into a head lock. "No, no, no!" I scrabbled at him, while he messed up my hair. By the time I'd wrestled away from him, my head looked like a haystack.

"Bell, you should totally wear your hair like that from now on; maybe open for _Poison_ or _Crüe_?" I stuck my tongue out at him. "Roll around on the hood of a car in a music video?" I rolled my eyes and tried to change the subject.

"And what about you, Edward? You coming tonight?" I tried to finger comb the mess my hair had become. He was quiet for too long, so I stopped to look at him. He seemed almost...embarrassed? That was odd.

"Uh, yeah..."

I raised my eyebrows in question, hoping he'd be a little more forthcoming. When he still didn't say anything, and started avoiding my eyes and scratching the back of his neck, Emmett burst out in laughter.

"Oh man, seriously? It's not like everyone's not gonna find out!" He nudged Edward, who shot back at him with a glare.

"That's not nice, Em." His voice was a peculiar combination of a dismal whine and a growl.

"I don't get it. What's going on?" I looked at Emmett, since Edward seemed reluctant to share his discomfort. Em nudged him in the side, until he huffed a sigh.

"I... I have a date."

Yep, there it was—the gut punch to my day.

"Oh?" I did my best to sound mildly interested, and not like the emotionally hypocritical mess that was brewing beneath the surface. Usually Emmett was a little more tactful when it came to things like this, but he seemed to be egging him on with that stupid grin of his. I guess I lost all privileges to the kid gloves when I started dating Jake.

"So tell them who the lucky girl is, Edward. Don't be shy." If looks could kill, Emmett would be toast by now. While Edward continued to glare at him, I was trying to find my heart somewhere in my left sneaker.

"Ugh, with Lauren Mallory, okay?"

Oh, _there_ was my heart..._under_ my sneaker. Look at it all squishy and pulpy!

Lauren Mallory; we didn't travel in anywhere near the same circles. She was, for all intents and purposes, what I considered the alternate universe version of myself: gorgeous, popular, and confident. If you wrote down the most basic of our physical features, you'd think we were similar.

We were roughly the same height, had the same hair and eye color... If the DMV didn't have photographs, we could easily swap licenses. But cursory nouns were where those similarities ended.

She was five-foot five inches of athletic, tennis-playing grace. I was five-foot five inches of hunched over, quiet, book-reading nerdiness. Her hair was brilliant tones of chestnut and mahogany, and other glossy woods and nuts. Mine was more like something you'd find on a particularly active Wookie. Her skin was a perpetually smooth alabaster. I was pale and often had a burgeoning Krakatoa somewhere on my scalp or forehead. And while I never really looked that closely at her eyes, I'm sure they were flecked with precious metals, swirled with cinnamon, nutmeg and assorted spices, and ringed in dark chocolate. A boy in grade school once told me my eyes were the color of shiny poop.

She was the name brand, and I was the generic. It figures she'd end up with Edward. Not that I should care.

I mean, what _right_ did I have to care? I was with Jacob. There are rules to this sort of thing, and the biggest one I could think of was _how much I shouldn't care!_

Nope, not in the least! This is me not caring! _LA LA LAAAA!_

What I couldn't understand was why he seemed to look so unhappy about the whole thing. In all the years I'd known him, I'd never seen him look this distressed over a date before. It was weird.

...And maybe just the tiniest bit comforting.

"Lauren... She's, um, she's great." I tried not to stutter, or sound disingenuous. I may have choked on my own spit from swallowing as much as I did.

Emmett just chortled, again, and I couldn't even look at him. "No Bell, you don't get it. Lauren's been hot for Ed since sixth grade."

Somehow, this didn't make anything better.

"...ever since..."

Edward grimaced. "Don't say it, I'm begging you!"

"...Seven Minutes in _Heaaaveennn!"_

"Ugh!"

Nope, definitely not better.

"Oh... Ohmigosh, that's right!" Angela was clearly remembering whatever incident they were referring to, and then she started laughing, too. "Geez, weren't you two supposed to be married by now?"

"Married?" Good lord, how serious was this thing?

"Please, don't remind me." Edward plopped down into his seat, clearly uncomfortable.

"Married?" I asked, again.

"Yes, married! Jeez!" Emmett laughed—Long Duk Dong to my Jake Ryan.

Edward sounded pained. "Do we _really_ need to bring this all up, again?"

"Oh hell yes; Bell's never heard this story."

I wasn't sure I wanted to. However, I'd never seen Edward anywhere near this uncomfortable, and it would certainly help me forget my uneasiness to watch him squirm. I was evil that way.

"Please, Em. Enlighten me!" I encouraged. Edward just slumped in his chair, shielding his face with one hand. Oh yeah, this would be good.

"Well, there was a birthday party we all went to right before school started that year—damn if I can remember who it was for. But anyway, we were in this huge game room in the back, just us kids. Fuck if I know what happened to the parents. So someone says we should play _Seven Minutes in Heaven,_ and poor Edward here gets put into the closet with Lauren."

"That doesn't sound so terrible. I mean, I'm guessing she's always been that pretty, right?"

"Yeah, but that's not the point," Angela clarified. "You know how Lauren's captain of the tennis team? Head cheerleader? Co-captain of volleyball?" I nodded. The girl definitely got around when it came to athletics. "Well, let's just say that Lauren's always been a little bit... aggressive."

"That's a nice way of putting it," Edward mumbled, still not looking at any of us.

"I think she scarred our poor boy here, Bell." Emmett clapped his hands on both of Edward's shoulders. "Scarred him for life."

"Oh?"

"It was almost an_ ABC Afterschool Special."_ I tilted my head, still a bit confused and Em turned back to Edward. "Dude, maybe she had a medical degree you didn't know about? At any point did she tell you to turn and cough?"

_Oh_... Oh, that didn't sound good at all! Edward just put both hands on his face and groaned, which made Angela giggle. She patted him on the head and continued.

"When they came out, Lauren was pulling him by the hand and proceeded to tell everyone that Edward was the world's best kisser, and that they were going to be married as soon as they were old enough. Honestly, I've heard of reluctant grooms, but I don't think I've ever seen a guy look quite that sick."

"Oh Edward, I'm so sorry. Did I miss the ceremony or was it just a small affair with family only?" He glared at me and I smiled. "So, what happened? I mean, I'm assuming you aren't still engaged, right?"

"Dan Bullard happened. Moved here from Chicago and started school with us the next week. Lauren was smitten and Edward was off the hook."

I remembered Dan. He was a nice guy, and his family had moved away two months ago. I remember it being a big deal because he'd been involved in a lot of sports, as well, and everyone was lamenting over our chances for several state titles without him. I also remembered hearing how he and Lauren were going to write to each other every week and keep up the long distance thing until they made it to the same college. Apparently, eight weeks was the extent of her ability to commit.

God, what kind of world did this chick live in where Edward was her _backup plan?_

"Huh, so it looks like you'll get your second chance, then?"

Edward grimaced, and Emmett began to sing. "Edward's just a boy _who can't say no!"_

"I didn't want to be rude, okay? Gimme a break!"

"Yeah dude, you've sacrificed yourself to the greater good of getting groped all evening. How noble of you."

"Fuck off, Em!" Edward shoved away from his desk, grabbed a hall pass, and then stalked out of the room. Save for the apology in my bedroom, I don't think I'd ever seen him this distressed. We all stood there, a little surprised and just a bit uncomfortable.

"Is she really that bad?" I glanced over at Emmett.

"For his sake, I hope not. Seriously, I still can't believe he agreed to go. But, then, that's Edward for you."

"Huh?" I wanted him to elaborate, but Mr. G made us all take our seats. I'd really have to remember to ask Emmett about that comment later.

#~#~#

_Decorations finished? Check. DJ ready to go? Check. Refreshment stand ready? Check. Plenty of fives and singles in the cashbox? Check._

"Alright guys, we're good to go!" We turned the overhead lights off, and the DJ turned on his rotating sirens and the disco ball. I would never cease to be amazed at the transformation of the gym from sweaty sports arena to sparkly dance hall. I listened to the opening strains of Wild, Wild West, wondering how many other bands mentioned themselves by name in their own songs, before I took my spot at the table by the entrance.

Thankfully, we had a sizeable line of people waiting when we opened the doors. With any luck, we'd turn a decent profit tonight, and Herman would be able to sit alongside some new clocks and boards. Or, at the very least, we wouldn't have to resort to selling candy bars out of our backpacks just so we'd have enough gas money for the school's Suburban. I never could understand why most of our tournaments were nearly an hour or more drive in any direction.

Twenty minutes of steady ticket sales and I looked up and smiled when I heard Emmett's booming laughter. He hugged Rosalie to his side before greeting me. "Hey there, Bobby Fischer! How goes it?"

"Not too bad, actually. Next thing you know we'll have enough for team uniforms—matching pocket protectors, argyle sweaters, and black-rimmed glasses with tape."

"You don't actually have uniforms, do you?" Rosalie asked.

"Nah, just these." I pointed to the small knight on my t-shirt, and then turned around to show her the back.

She laughed. "'Check this?'"

"Yeah, it was Half-a-Bee's idea. We love them, but we got in trouble the last time we wore them to a tournament. The team coach at that school thought they were offensive. Some of those coaches are really uptight. They take all the fun out of it." I remembered one school where we had to fight tooth and nail to keep Herman with us.

"Well, I think they're cute."

"Thanks, Rosalie!"

"It's good to see you, again."

"You too. Thanks for putting up with Emmett. We barely manage as it is."

"Hey! Don't mind her, Rose. She's just jealous 'cause she lost her chance with me."

I clutched my chest. "I... I had a _chance! _Oh Emmett, if I'd only known!" I grinned.

"Yeah, well, too late now. I totally belong to Rose, here." He nuzzled her neck and she giggled.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I can't take him anywhere!"

"Believe me, I'm well aware."

It was great to see them together and happy. I wonder if she really knew the effect she had on him. He'd always been a cheerful kinda guy, but lately he was damned near exuberant all of the time. His face would light up whenever he talked about her, and it had only been a couple of months.

_When you know, you know._

The old adage skipped through my thoughts, unbidden, giving me just a twinge of discomfort. I put it out of my head, and continued to chat with the two of them for a few more minutes while I kept selling tickets. Emmett was more than happy to, proudly, introduce Rosalie to anyone he knew as they came through the door. She almost looked embarrassed by all the attention, but the sheer happiness in Emmett's voice made it impossible for her not to smile.

When Emmett got caught up in a brief discussion with one of the guys on the football team, I caught Rosalie's eye.

"He's not making you uncomfortable with all this, is he?"

"Oh, no – I mean, not really. He kept telling me he wanted to introduce me to everyone. It's just a bit overwhelming." Her nose wrinkled a bit, and I remembered the fight that introduced us, and how that guy had referred to her as 'his girl,' like she was a prize or a pet. I really hoped she wasn't feeling like that now, with all the introductions.

"Um, just so you know, I don't think I've ever seen him this happy. I've known the guy for two years. He's one of my best friends. But, I swear, it's like Christmas morning when he talks about you."

"R-really?"

The small hesitation in her question threw me. It was strange to think that someone as gorgeous as her would be insecure, or even surprised at the depth of Emmett's reaction. I nodded and grinned in reassurance.

"He gets all goofy and flashes that See-All-The-Teeth-In-My-Head smile. It's almost ridiculous." She turned to smile at him, and I continued. "Don't tell him I told you, but he even blushed once."

"No way."

"Yeah, over lunch one day." It was so adorable; even I couldn't tease him about it." Then, Rosalie leaned over Emmett's shoulder, and pecked him on the cheek.

"Hey babe. Sorry, I didn't mean to ignore you." He waved to his buddy who paid for a ticket and went inside.

"No, it's not that. I just missed you." And there it was; the rarely seen McCarty blush.

"You know guys, you don't have to keep me company all night. You should get the most out of your three dollars." I'm not sure if they heard me. They stood there, grinning like idiots and looking into each other's eyes. I felt like a voyeur, so I coughed. "Um, you know, dancing and stuff... kinda why you came."

"Oh... Yeah." It looked as if Emmett had to physically force himself to break eye contact with her. "We're waiting for Edward and Lauren. We all came together, but she spilled something on her dress in the car, so she asked him to take her home so she could change really quick." I caught Rosalie's eyeroll and raised my eyebrows in question.

"Accidental my ass. She's lucky she didn't try pulling that shit on me." She huffed, and then looked at me. "I'm sorry. I know that's rude, and you really don't know me all that well. So, I apologize if she's your friend, but there was no way that was an accident."

"Um, she's not. I barely know her, actually."

"Yeah, well know this; someone's got some serious issues when it comes to being the center of attention. I know that's a bitchy thing to say about someone I just met, but it takes one to know one."

"Honey, I would never think you were a bitch!"

She kissed his cheek and gave him a dazzling smile. "Never to you, babe. You're my hero." She grabbed his arm with one hand and lightly stroked his bicep. He turned into a blushing behemoth of a boy. "Anyway, seems Edward's date wasn't too fond of my attire. Her dress was almost exactly the same color, and when she just had to run back inside to get a can of Diet Coke, I knew the score."

"You think she did it on purpose?" Why the hell would someone purposely spill on themselves? That was the kind of thing I had to consciously battle against on a daily basis.

"I know she did it on purpose. I also know she was planning on doing it to me."

"Oh shit, babe! Did you _actually_ growl at her? I thought I imagined that!"

My jaw dropped. "You_ growled?"_

Rose arched her brow and gave me a smirk. "She _tried_ getting close to me, pretending like she didn't know if she should sit in the back or the front. So, I folded my arms and gave her my best Joan Collins. Just because I look nice doesn't mean I am beyond cat fighting and hair pulling."

"Um, I wouldn't mind seeing that."

"Don't make me hit you, sweetie; especially now that you've taught me how."

I sighed. "I guess that means no _Girls on Film_ for us, Rose. Damn shame. What am I going to do with all that whipped cream and the giant barber pole?"

Emmett choked. "You girls are trying to kill me, swear to God."

"No Em, I'm just trying to get you to admit you like Duran Duran."

"I knew I liked you for a reason!"

"Thanks Rose!"

We laughed while Emmett flailed a bit, trying to skirt the fine line between liking the band versus liking their infamous soft porn. He just kept digging himself in deeper and deeper. We had fun keeping him in a state of discomfort, enjoying our tag team antics, until Rose suddenly stilled, and rolled her eyes. It was obvious she heard them before I did.

"I hope we didn't miss your friends!" Even I could hear the insincerity in the voice before they walked through the doorway. Lauren was the epitome of perfection—hair teased and tall, shiny and crunchy. Her white leather fringe jacket was fitted perfectly over her painfully short pink dress. The ruched fabric clung to her frame so much that it briefly reminded me of Grandma Swan's elephant skin support hose. Those damn things never would stay up on her calves.

I couldn't tell which was tighter—the dress, or her grip on Edward's arm. Seeing them together, looking every bit the picture perfect couple, caused that little twist of pain in my gut. However, after seeing the minor distress on his face, a part of me felt pity, not to mention just the tiniest bit of solace.

_Guess perfection isn't everything._

"Glad you made it, man! I was worried we'd have to call out the search party." Emmett thumped him on the back while he walked past. Edward gave him an uneasy smile as Lauren chimed in.

"I'm so sorry to keep you guys waiting. Edward was ever so patient while I found another dress."

"Guess it's lucky you were able to find something else." There was no mistaking the note of frostiness in Rose's voice. I couldn't tell if Lauren was deliberately unaware of it, or just playing along for the sake of politeness.

"I know, right? Good thing I'd just gone to the dry cleaners and had this old thing cleaned."

"Must be pretty old, considering it barely fits."

If I had been drinking anything, it would have come spewing from my nose. Lauren had stopped in her tracks, which caused Edward to stumble sideways. Her eyes widened, and then she flushed an odd shade of purple before baring a lethal smile.

"Being athletic, I tend to like things that fit a bit more snug. God, sometimes I wish I could relax and eat whatever I want. What's it like being so un-toned and... squishy?"

Emmett pulled Rose into his side. To some, it would look like more of the same he'd done all evening—cuddling, hugging, etc. But I recognized the look of murder in her eyes. Emmett was providing the most affectionate form of restraint I'd ever seen.

"I wouldn't say 'squishy.' My Rose is soft and perfect all over." And then, God bless him, he went in for the kill and nuzzled her neck. The situation was instantly diffused as the couple began providing a rapidly escalating public display of affection. Now everyone was uncomfortable for a completely different reason.

"Hey Bella," Edward greeted, trying with obvious effort to ignore the giant elephant in the tiny hallway. He attempted to maneuver his wallet out of his pants while Lauren clung to him. Her face showed obvious contempt for the floorshow but, like a good train wreck, she couldn't seem to pull her attention away.

"Having a good time?" I gave him a grin and he rolled his eyes, smiling back at me.

"Oh yes, we are!" Apparently Lauren felt the need to respond to my question, having registered another female speaking to her date. She flashed me another smile, while still glancing at the grope-fest to her immediate right. I made change for Edward, and handed it to him, along with two tickets.

"Alright guys, enjoy! Concessions are in the back by the bathrooms, and we got that Miles guy from the DJ company."

"That guy that did the Halloween dance?" Edward asked, referring to the last dance we'd worked together.

"One in the same. I'm sure he'd gladly slip in some Smiths or the Cure if you ask him nicely." The pounding bass of Top 40 fair was starting to give me a headache. I didn't think I was a music snob, but New Kids did not possess the right stuff in my book.

"Ooo, c'mon Eddie! I love this song! _'Whoa uh, oh oh oh...!'_" She dragged him through the doorway, singing along with white version of Menudo. He actually clutched the frame, holding on a second more to say goodbye. I busted out in laughter, clearly seeing him as Princess Leia in Empire.

"Luke, it's a trap! A TRAP!" I mimicked a shriek, reaching out my arm as if trying to save him. He gave me a loud laugh of recognition in return, and then a melodramatic pained look as he disappeared from sight. The last thing I saw was his hand flailing as he lost his death grip on the door.

"Yeah, he's gonna have his hands full tonight." I heard Emmett come up from behind. Then he patted me on the back. "Man the fort, Bell, and I'll make sure he comes out alive."

Suddenly all trace of humor was gone, as I imagined Lauren getting more and more cozy with her date. A brief flash of memory from the makeout scene I'd witnessed right before Thanksgiving skittered through my brain, and felt my stomach drop. It was all fun and games until someone gets their ass groped.

I sighed and put on my overused brave face. I had to keep telling myself I wasn't allowed to care about his sort of thing. It wasn't my place. I turned around and smiled at Rose and Em. "Have fun. I'll talk to you guys later."

Something in Rose's eyes told me she understood a hell of a lot more about what was going on than I had admitted. I never doubted that Emmett would keep my confidence about all my misery. I just had a feeling that she was highly perceptive.

"Nice to see you, again, Bella."

"You too, Rose."

#~#~#

Several of my team members came out and offered to take over the ticket box for me, but I refused. The last thing I needed was to see Edward on his date, whether he was enjoying it or not. Unfortunately, it turns out that I wasn't immune to nature's call, and finally had to take one of the guys on up their offer. I walked as quickly as I could, skirting the edges of the dance area, to make my way to the back of the gym and the restrooms. Even though these dances were only two hours long, it was proving to be two of the longest hours of my life.

I ducked into a stall and unzipped my jeans. I didn't realize how urgent my need was, since I'd been fighting it all evening. I'd really have to thank my teammates for being so persistent with their offers to help.

I was struggling to pull my zipper back up when I heard the swell of music as the door opened. A flurry of giggles accompanied the girls that ran over to the sinks. I guess it must have been their designated 'makeup reapplication' time or something. I was just about to open the stall door when I recognized the voices.

"Ohmigod, Lauren! I can not believe he hasn't kissed you, yet!"

Another girl agreed with the first. "I know, right! What is his deal?"

"Oh, I just think he's playing hard to get. I thought he'd jump at the chance to ask me out once Dan left, but I think he's still upset over the way I broke his heart back in grade school." All three girls laughed in unison. "He is seriously playing it cool but, I gotta say, it's totally working!"

"Isn't Dan gonna be pissed when he finds out?"

"Oh please, it's not like he's gonna know. Besides, he's the one that moved a thousand miles away. Serves him right!"

"You don't think he's dating other girls, do you?"

"Ohmigod, not a chance. He knows who that dick belongs to! But, if he doesn't make good on his promise to fly back for prom, I figured I'd better be ready. Besides, who knows? I mean, if Edward is still as," she gave a fake cough, "stellar as he was back then, well, maybe Dan better start shopping around, at least until college."

They all broke into peals of laughter, then.

"I swear he only got cuter as we got older!"

"He and Emmett, both!"

"Yeah, what's the story with that blonde bimbo he brought?"

"Oh, she is a grade 'A' bitch! You know she had the gall to show up in a dress that was almost exactly the same as mine!"

"No way!"

"Yes way! But at least I scored some alone time with Edward when he took me home to change. Ohmigod, his hands are just... _perfection!"_

They all squealed, and then shuffled back out onto the dance floor. I waited a moment before finally making my way to the sink and washing my hands. I let the water run while I worked to reign in my feelings. I really didn't want to care, not in the least.

That didn't stop the part of me that wanted to claw that stuck up bitch's eyes right out of her skull. I took a deep breath, trying to calm my nerves. Edward was a big boy, and capable of making decisions on his own. If I felt sorry for anyone, it was poor Dan Bullard.

I didn't even want to think about the other things she said. I could gladly attest to the perfection of Edward's hands. Even weeks after the fact, just the thought of his touch was enough to give me goosebumps.

_And bitch, his kisses have moved way beyond the 'stellar' range. I'll write you a fucking affidavit!_

So much for staying calm. I swung the door harder than necessary, knocking it against the wall as I stomped back across the dance floor. The logical part of my brain was trying to get my attention; trying to remind me that I had no right to feel so possessive. But damn, I was pissed off. Even if I wasn't as consumed by Edward as I was, he was still my friend. If I'd heard her talking about Emmett like he was some kind of lucky runner up to Dan's throne, I'd be just as mad.

Probably.

It was funny how I could go from hardly knowing someone, to completely disliking them, all in the span of a few hours. I didn't know what I should do. It seemed almost petty to tell Edward what I'd heard, like I was some kind of jealous tattle-tale. And it seemed Emmett and Rosalie both weren't fans of Lauren's to begin with.

Maybe I should just step back and see how things progressed. I mean, it seemed as if Edward wasn't all that thrilled to be here with her, as it was. And that just begged the question of why he'd even said 'yes' in the first place.

Eric nudged me a couple of times while I was counting the cash box. I was so focused on my thoughts, that I didn't even realize it. It took a voice to startle me back into reality.

"Hey there, did you miss me?" Jake was standing in the hallway, smiling at me and pulling off his black leather jacket.

"Oh!" I blushed, feeling totally busted for thinking about Edward. "Hi! I'm sorry, I was just counting... Didn't want to lose my place." I gave him a weak smile. "You're here early."

"Yeah, the guys cut me some slack; let me take off for the night. So, how's your dance? Did you make good bank?"

"Actually, we didn't do too bad." Eric coughed next to me, nudging me, once more. "Oh, um, Jake, this is Eric. Eric, this is... Jake." I hesitated, not sure of how to introduce him. We weren't on a date, and it seemed too much to say he was my boyfriend. Did he think he was my boyfriend? I mean, we hadn't discussed it, and it seemed so much more serious...

I think I froze in panic.

"Oh yeah, I remember you from State," Eric replied, saving me from stupor. "You go to Corona, right?"

"Yeah," Jake confirmed, smiling. "Hey, would you mind holding down the fort while I take Bella here for a spin on the dance floor?" He threw his jacket across the table towards Eric.

"Oh no, I don't dance! Remember?"

"C'mon!" He helped me up. "When I said spin, I meant spin!" He grabbed my hand and pulled me through the throng of dancers to the middle of the floor.

"I don't want to hurt you or embarrass myself!" I yelled at him over the bass of the music. He just smiled, and grabbed me around the waist, lifting me against his side like a small child. With his other hand he clasped my left, and then spun me around like rag doll. My feet hardly touched the floor as we laughed and twirled for the last few minutes of the song. He finally set me down and I could barely breathe from laughing so hard.

"See, you didn't hurt me or anything."

"True, but I don't want to press my luck, or give you a hernia. C'mon." I tried to pull him back towards the entrance, but he wouldn't budge.

"Just one more, please?" I rolled my eyes at him, but he only went in for the kill. "I mean, I did drive all this way."

"Guilt trip? Really?"

"I dunno, is it working?"

"Maybe, a little," I admitted, smirking.

"It was a really long drive." He laughed and grabbed me around the waist, gently this time, as he pulled me closer.

I rested my hands on his shoulders, our difference in height allowing me a comfortable distance as we spun in a slow circle. The last thing I wanted was to step on his feet or mimic the clusters of people that used a slow dance for a grope. To his credit, he only leaned in for a quick kiss at the end. I wasn't much for public displays of affection, not that I had any experience or anything. I just didn't like drawing attention to myself.

We walked back towards the entrance as the DJ announced the last song of the evening. I turned the cash box over to my coach and started propping the doors open in preparation for the mass exodus. We leaned against the wall in the entryway, waiting for the music to end and lights to come on.

"So, what's with the horse on your shirt?"

"Huh?"

"That little horse thing. I thought you guys were the bobcats."

"Oh...um, i-it's not a horse. It's a knight."

"What, like with swords and armor?"

I sighed. Here we go...

"No, like in chess."

"Chess?"

"This is fundraiser for the chess team." I waved my arms around, trying to encompass the entire gym.

"Seriously? What would they need money for? I mean, what's a board game cost these days— eight dollars?" He grinned, trying to joke.

I felt my temper flaring. "They need it for travel expenses and equipment, just like any other team."

"How expensive could it be? Damn, why not put it towards something better, like student council or, you know, an _actual_ sport?"

_Stay calm, stay calm..._

"Jake, I organized this dance!"

"Oh." He seemed taken aback. "Well, it was nice of you to help them out."

"No," I hesitated, taking a deep breath. "I organized it because I'm on the chess team."

He paused for moment, and then laughed. "Okay, very funny. But even I know that girls don't play chess."

I could hear the rush of blood in my ears as my fists clenched. We'd been having such a nice time, and then he had to go and ruin it with some stereotypical chauvinistic crap. I was just about to unleash, having reached my breaking point, when the first wave of students pushed through the hallway. Jake wrapped his arm around me, laughing as he pulled me closer to the wall. The last thing I wanted was a scene as all my classmates shoved their way through.

Once the crowd thinned a bit, I pushed myself away from him. I crossed my arms over my chest, and I'm sure I was glaring daggers. He seemed oblivious at first, but once the hallway was clear, I finally spoke my mind.

"I have two varsity medals, three junior varsity medals, and I'm the third highest ranked female in the state. So that means there are at least two other girls in Arizona that play chess!" His smile gradually fell, and I think he finally realized what he'd stepped into.

"Oooh shit... You... You probably think I'm a real dick, huh?" He looked sheepish, backing away a bit and looking at the floor. Contrition was the last thing I expected. It definitely took some of the venom from my response.

"Yeah! At the moment, more than a little bit!"

"Shit Bella, I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to offend you."

I crossed my arms and huffed. "Seriously, Jake, I never pegged you as a misogynist!"

"I'm not! I mean, not really. I just always thought it was an egghead game for nerdy guys." He came closer, wrapping his hands around my tense shoulders. "Maybe you can educate me? Show me the error of my ways?" Even with my head turned I could see the tiny smile playing on his lips.

"I don't know," I grumbled. "That's a lot of educating."

"What if we call it a trade? You illuminate my narrow, stereotyped view of the world, and I'll use some of my macho-jock appeal to teach you how to ride."

"You were going to do that anyway."

"True, but now I get something else in return for putting our lives in jeopardy." I couldn't resist smiling, even though I'd wanted to. "So, can you find it in your heart to take it easy on this misogynist?"

I sighed. "Maybe."

He rested his head next to mine, breathing into my ear. "Just maybe?"

I stepped back and poked him in the chest. "As long as you remember who's the better shot, Jake."

"Yeah, I'm not forgetting that anytime soon. Trust me." He grabbed me by the shoulder and gave me a quick peck on the forehead, grinning after.

Once a few more groups exited past us, we headed back into the gym to help tear down decorations. Jake gave me a boost to swipe at some higher pieces of streamers without having to fetch the ladder. That worked about twice, before I nearly toppled to the floor. Luckily he was quick enough to grab me and save me from both the embarrassment and the injury.

"Mr. Misogyny to the rescue!" He spun me around in his arms while I laughed.

"Hey guys, we were just heading out," Emmett called from behind us. Jake turned us to face him, but didn't put me down.

"Thanks for coming, really!"

"No problem, Bell. What are friends for?"

The last group of stragglers headed out, from the back of the gym. Mike, Tyler, and a couple of other football players were in the pack. Mike caught sight of us and broke off to head our way.

"Hey guys! What are you doing tomorrow night?" I could only guess it was a rhetorical question, because he continued on before any of us could answer. He dug into his pocket and pulled out some squares of paper. "My cousin is throwing this huge house party; he told me to invite everyone who might be game." He handed them to me, Edward and Emmett.

I usually declined going to big parties. I wasn't huge into socializing and always ended up feeling like a fifth wheel. But, with an actual date, it might not be so bad. I looked at Jake.

"That sounds like fun, what do you think?"

He raised an eyebrow at me. Then he swung me back and forth, a bit. "Could be fun, as long as it doesn't interfere with our lesson!"

"Shut up!" I smacked his chest, making him put me down. I could feel my face burning. The last thing I needed was the guys knowing about our upcoming motorcycle session.

I gave Jake a pointed look, hoping he'd get the message, before I turned back to look at everyone. Edward had the strangest expression on his face—like a flurry of things were going through his head at once, none of them good. "Sure, Mike. Sounds good."

"It does sound like fun, Mike. What time will you pick me up, Edward?" Lauren had plucked the invite from his hands, and I saw the poorly disguised eyeroll before his lids closed.

"Oh yeah, Edward. You should bring your sister. My other cousin, the one in junior high, is inviting all his friends too. We're throwing them all in the basement for the night." I could see the flicker of relief wash over his face as quickly as I saw the disappointment flash across Lauren's.

"Yeah, definitely. Em, you want me to pick you guys up too?" Lauren's eyes narrowed in warning, but Rose only smiled.

"I think that's a great idea." She squeezed Emmett's arm and kissed him on the cheek. "So I guess we'll see you tomorrow Bella!" She widened her eyes, just a bit, clueing me in to the fact that she loved pissing off Lauren like that.

It was hard to choke down the laugh that bubbled up when I opened my mouth. "Yeah, see you guys tomorrow!"

#~#~#

Saturday morning, I got a call from Alice.

"So, I hear we're gonna get to party together!"

"Yep, that's what they tell me."

"Dad said since Edward's taking me, too, he'd even let us use the Mustang!" Dr. Cullen had a classic Mustang, practically identical to the one Johnny Depp had on 21 Jump Street, except that it was red. He rarely let Edward take it out, and I'd been lucky enough to ride in it once.

"Wow, why the special treatment?"

"Oh, they're leaving for Tucson. Dad said someone should get to enjoy it this weekend."

"That's so cool!"

"I know, right? Hey, speaking of cool, tonight's the big night, right?"

"Big night?"

"You know? You, Jake, and a little something-something between your legs!" She let loose a string of giggles.

"I can't believe you just said that!" My skin instantly burned as a shocked grin crossed my face. Leave it to Alice to make it sound exceptionally dirty. Before I could say anything else, I heard a series of loud thumps and crashes through the phone. She gave a sudden, sharp gasp, and I heard the unmistakable thwack of the phone hitting the carpet. "Alice?"

All I could make out after that were a flurry of shouts. First Alice's voice, and then possibly Edward's or Dr. Cullen's, a pause, and then some more voices mixed together. I held on to the phone, hoping that Alice would remember I was here. Anything that managed to pull her off a call had to have been serious.

Three agonizing minutes later, she picked up the phone. "Geez, sorry about that Bella. You still there?"

"Yeah. Is everything alright? What happened?"

"Edward was taking some laundry downstairs and slipped..."

I felt my stomach drop. "Ohmigod, is he alright?"

"Yeah, Dad looked him over. It's just a sprained ankle. Edward's trying to convince him that he can still drive tonight. You know how persuasive he can be. I'm sure it'll be fine. Hey, I'll see you tonight. I'm gonna help him clean up."

"Um, yeah, sure. Hey, Alice?"

"Yeah?"

"Tell Edward... Um, I mean... Just–" I sighed. "I'm glad he's okay."

#~#~#

It was a good thing the parking lot was huge. Damaging myself I could handle. Paying for damages to someone's vehicle, not to mention the explanation to my Mom... Yeah, not so much.

Jake diligently explained the basics to me. When he started getting a bit long-winded about shifting gears and the clutch, I had to interrupt. "Same as a car, just different area, right?"

"You know how to drive a manual?" He sounded surprised.

_"'Bells, if you can drive a stick shift, you can drive anything.'_ Yeah, my Dad is all about me being prepared. I can also change a flat tire, but after he saw how much I hurt myself doing it, he said he'd pay for AAA whenever I finally get a car."

"The thought of you with a tire iron is a little scary."

He went over some more things, and finally let me try the bike out on my own. I started out slowly, afraid to go over ten miles per hour. Eventually, I circled the lot, going from first to second gear, stopping, and then starting over again. I only stalled twice before getting the hang of it. It took at least a whole other lap before I was able to start up smoothly, without the bike threatening to leave me behind.

"You're a quick study!" Jake yelled at me as I pulled up next to him. "Why don't you try taking her up to thirty? There's plenty of room."

"You think so?" I could feel my grin pinching the apple of my cheeks.

"Yeah! Go for it!"

I did a small semi-circle around him so I was facing the largest end of the lot. He was right; there was easily an eighth to quarter-mile of length. I'd just have to be careful. I looked at him one more time and he gave me the thumbs up.

I accelerated smoothly, switching from first to second and finally to third. I couldn't have been pushing more than twenty-five, but I felt like I was flying! I moved my eyes from immediately in front of me, just to glance at my surroundings. Streetlights blurred by in streaks, and all I could hear was the roar of wind catching in the edges of my helmet.

It was the second most exhilarating thing I'd ever experienced.

I downshifted and gracefully made a huge u-turn, before speeding back towards Jake. He was waving at me with a huge smile on his face. "Hey there speed demon, you're a total natural!"

"Oh my GOD! That was, like, the coolest thing EVER!" He laughed and jumped up on the bike behind me.

"Think you can find that party from here?"

"Seriously? You trust me to drive us? Hell, I don't even think I trust me that much yet!"

"So do another lap, and get used to my weight. It's really not that much different. Besides, it's not too far from here. I'm sure we'll be fine."

I could feel the adrenaline pushing away my anxiety. "Only if you're sure!"

"C'mon Bella, show me what you got."

He wrapped his arms around me before settling his feet on the pegs. The bike certainly felt heavier, but nothing I couldn't handle. I took a deep breath, slowly brought up the accelerator as I released the clutch, and then felt us begin to move forward. Almost immediately I could sense myself beginning to wobble, trying to compensate for the heaviness.

"Don't try to correct from side to side. Just hold us steady!" I did as Jake said, still afraid to go much faster. "It's easier if you pick up speed. Trust me." I winced at the thought, already shaky from trying to keep us upright. "C'mon Bella, we're good. I promise!"

I squeezed my eyes shut for just a second, feeling the difference in mass, and shifting my muscles to compensate. Balance was balance, regardless of the different pressure. Once I realized that—once I _felt_ it, I opened my eyes and sped off.

#~#~#

After we'd made it past the guard at the gate, and had slowly cruised through the opulent neighborhood, we came upon one seriously magnificent house. From what I'd heard about Mike's cousin, his dad was a surgeon of some kind. My first stop was the restroom, and when I saw the frighteningly accurate human skull soap dish, I guessed he was a brain surgeon. Either that or their decorator had a morbid sense of humor.

I was amazed at how bright I looked. There was really no other word for it. I looked like I was somehow lit up from the inside. My cheeks were shiny and pink, and I could hardly keep the smile from my face. I knew I'd kept within the speed limit, but it felt like we had raced through the whole city to get here. I was practically euphoric.

Somehow, someway, I would have to get a motorcycle of my own.

I laughed, imagining my parents growing pale, and then possibly beet red. I was pretty good at speech and debate, but I doubted I was that good. Still, I grinned at my reflection, one last time, before joining the party.

"Oh hey, Bella!" Jake waved me over, towards the wet bar. Once I got close enough, he hugged me into his side. "This is Paul. Paul, this is Bella."

I gave him a slightly overenthusiastic smile as he shook my hand. I was still giddy from the bike ride. "Nice to meet you, Paul."

"Same."

Jake relayed the story of how they'd gone to school together up until a year ago. Paul's family had moved from Tempe up to Scottsdale, and the two of them began a good natured argument on which school had the better football team. Jake was making some joke about the number of nose jobs at Paul's school when I heard my name.

I turned to look, and saw Alice jumping and waving as she made her way through the crowd. Edward and Lauren weren't far behind, though it looked as if Lauren wouldn't be too unhappy if they lost Alice along the way. Edward limped along behind her, obviously slowed down by his sprained ankle. I waved back at Alice, mostly to let her know she didn't have to keep hopping up for me to see her.

"Hey, there's your junior security guard now." Jake nodded towards Alice, and I gave him a light punch in the arm. Paul shot a glance at Alice in question, and Jake explained. "Bella's better guarded than the president, these days. It's a wonder I don't need to go through a metal detector to take her out. There's that little one, the guy behind her, and the Beefcake, but I haven't seen him yet."

"Beefcake? Geez, don't let him hear you call him that."

"Bella!" Alice broke through the crowd, sounding out of breath. She smiled and waved at Jake, before grabbing my hands and pulling me aside. "So tell me, how was it?" It wasn't even close to a stage whisper, given the noise of the party. Still, I tried to shush her, best as I could, before trying to pull us further away. I looked up, seeing Edward and Lauren standing next to Jake. Lauren looked at me with the kind of eyeroll that would have earned me pizza from Emmett.

"Hey guys," I started in greeting, but when I caught Edward's expression, my voice died in my throat. I could only assume he'd heard Alice, and put two and two together. Still, that couldn't account for the absolutely crestfallen look he'd given me.

Obviously I was in one piece, unharmed. I knew that motorcycles were inherently dangerous, but I couldn't understand why he looked at me like that. I felt the last bit of my carefree grin drop from my face, desperate to know what had made him so sad.

"Edward, what–?"

Alice yanked me further away. She was deceptively strong and I couldn't help but be pulled along into a corner. Her excited questioning brought me back to my earlier, wired state. I could feel my own excitement climbing as I detailed my whole experience. As usual, I got carried away, my hands flying everywhere, as I told her everything until we arrived at the house.

"That is so _cool!"_

I laughed, and she laughed with me. It was like we were on some sort of teenage girl giggle loop. I couldn't care how silly we might have looked. It just felt good to be happy, truly happy, for once.

Edward and Lauren had crossed further into the room, so I walked Alice back towards them before helping her find the basement. "So hey, where's Emmett?"

"Oh, he and Rose should be here later. They, um... I think they decided to go to dinner first or something." Edward was scratching the back of his neck, not really looking at me as he answered. Something was wrong, seriously wrong, and I had no idea what it was. It seemed unwise to ask in front of Lauren, not that I even had a chance.

"C'mon Edward, let's get something to drink." She towed him away from us, and, for once, he seemed to glad to go with her.

Okay, something was _definitely_ wrong.

"Alice?"

She watched them walk away, her head tilted and eyes narrowed. "I have no idea. He's seemed a little antsy since his fall this afternoon but, geez, now he looks like someone killed his puppy or something."

An hour had gone by, and there was still no sign of Em and Rose. I also hadn't seen Edward or Lauren, again, and I really didn't want to think about what might have been going on between them. Moving forward without focusing on every little thing concerning Edward was just something I'd have to get used to.

Jake introduced me to more of his friends, and I introduced him to mine. I hadn't expected to see Ben and Angela here, and I had to admit that they made a pretty cute couple.

Ben was looking rather spiffy in a button-down shirt and tie. She told me they'd gone to Black Angus for dinner before coming here. I had to give it to Ben; he certainly knew how to impress a girl.

After I refused to dance for the third time, Jake and I ended up in a corner of a large sectional couch. I was nursing my Sprite and laughing at one of Jake's stupid jokes, when Paul came over and knelt by us. "You're not going to believe it! Guess who just showed up?" I shrugged and looked at Jake, who shrugged in return. Paul put up his hands in a mocking gesture. "Hail the Ice Queen!"

"No way!"

"Yeah, with her new boyfriend and everything. Can you believe that?"

I looked between them, clearly out of the loop. "Who's the Ice Queen?"

"She's some stuck up chick that goes to Paul's school. I've never met her, but he was telling me about her."

"Talk about your first class bitch. She was dating my friend for, like, ever, and when he finally got sick of her treating him like shit, he tried to break up with her. Well, she gets pissed and convinces some idiot jock from another school to beat him up. Talk about not being able to let go."

"Ouch!"

"Yeah, and now she has the nerve to show up here with the same guy. I think they're trying to start some shit in the yard."

Paul pulled us both to our feet, and we made our way through the rec room to the side entrance. I could see a group of guys arguing out in the driveway, and a small crowd was gathering around them. Morbid curiosity drew us closer until, finally, Paul pushed us forward and nearer to the heart of the argument. He was blocking my view, but I could hear him clearly.

"You got a lot of nerve coming here, hail. What's your fucking problem? Can't you take no for an answer?"

"Fuck you, Paul!"

I couldn't see her, but I knew that voice plain as day. It suddenly clicked into place—Paul hadn't said 'hail the Ice Queen.' He'd said '_Hale_ the Ice Queen!' I couldn't force my way anymore through the crowd, but if something was going to happen, I sure as hell couldn't stand by and watch my friends get hurt.

I tugged on Jake's arm. "Shit, Jake, it's Rose and Emmett! He's been talking about Rose and Emmett!" I tried to push my way forward, but Jake held me back. "Jake, what the hell are you doing? We gotta help them!"

I could see the conflict on his face. It was my friends versus his friends, and there was no way this was going to end well for any of us. "Bella we – we should stay out of it. I don't want you to get hurt."

It was a rational argument; a logical decision. It wasn't technically 'our' fight. We shouldn't have to choose sides. The best course of action for us, Jake and Bella the couple, would be to stand aside, let them sort it out themselves, and not let this come between us.

_Well, fuck _that_ shit!_

"Let me go, Jake!"

"Bella, no. I'm not gonna let you get involved in this." It was almost a plea, but I only heard it as a directive.

"_Let_ me? That's not _your_ decision!" His grip tightened on my upper arm as he pulled me closer.

"You're my _girlfriend!_ I'm just trying to keep you safe! You know your buddy Emmett would want you to be safe, right?" It was a low blow, and it only pissed me off more. I could hear the growl in my voice.

"I mean it, Jake. Let go of me!" I saw the fleeting smirk on his face, as if he thought I was joking. As if this was somehow me being_ cute!_

He pulled me further away, back towards the house. "Or what, Bella, really?"

Later I would tell myself it was only because I wanted to help Emmett. It would be awhile before I actually admitted that I was royally ticked off at my macho asshole of an overbearing wanna-be boyfriend. I was suddenly really glad he was pulling me by my _left_ arm.

I swung, going right for his gut. I didn't hit him as hard as I was capable of, because, truly, I didn't want to hurt him. I just needed him to let go of me. I felt my knuckles connect with his rock hard stomach. If this had been an episode of _Batman_, I would have actually expected to see an _'ooof'_ appear above his head. I pulled against him, hoping I wouldn't have to kick him in the shin as well. Thankfully, it was enough and I wrestled away from him.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" I kept yelling as I ran backwards. I was genuinely upset that I'd had to do that, but I watched him start to recover before I turned to run at a full sprint into the house.

My mind was racing. I couldn't imagine how that wouldn't be the nail in the coffin of our relationship. Jake was a great guy, and I knew with enough work maybe we could be great together. But then a phrase flitted through my head so quickly, I wouldn't be able to process it until much later.

_Sugar-free._

It hadn't come to blows outside yet, but I figured we couldn't be more than a minute or two away from that. Regardless, Emmett looked outnumbered, and I didn't know if any of our friends knew what was going on.

I had to find Edward.

I looked around the room, frantic, trying to spot a familiar face. Angela and Ben were the first ones I could see, so I ran towards them. "Guys, have you seen Edward?"

"Um, I think he and Lauren were by the laundry room."

"Okay, I need you to find everyone we know—Mike, Tyler, anyone! Emmett's out front and he needs help."

"Yeah, sure thing!" Ben nodded at me while Angela took off.

"Wait, Ben, give me your tie!"

"Huh?"

"Just, please!" I held out my hand, giving him my best wide-eyed plea. He pulled it loose and yanked it over his head. "Thanks!"

I took off as fast as I could, looking for the laundry room. It seemed like more and more people were surging outside, or at least moving in any direction against me. It figured the faster I tried to move, the slower I felt.

"Edward!" I yelled when I, finally, made my way into the small hallway and reached the door. I flung it open and was glad I was on some sort of adrenaline rush. It was a lot easier to push out everything else and focus on Emmett's situation, rather than the mess before me.

He was leaning against the wall, eyes closed and red plastic cup in hand. His other arm was wrapped around Lauren's waist. For her part, she wasn't doing a great job of holding her cup steady. I'm sure it had something to do with the way her face was attached to his neck. I was surprised at how easy it was to push the pain down, because I certainly felt it fighting to claw its way through my chest.

"Edward!" I yelled and saw a hint of a grin cross his face. Lauren froze at my voice. Then there was a horrible smacking noise as her lips dislodged from him and she turned to glare at me. "EDWARD!"

He finally opened his eyes, glancing a couple of times between me and Lauren. He was doing this odd, lazy blinking thing. I didn't have time to find out what was wrong, and I certainly didn't want to think about why he looked so dopey. I remembered all too well that muddled, euphoric feeling after making out with him.

_Not _now_, Swan! Fuck!_

"Emmett's in trouble. I think a bunch of guys are gonna kick his ass in the front yard!"

There was a bit of a delayed reaction, then his eyes widened. "What?"

"OUT IN FRONT!" I yelled one more time and left, not bothering to see if he was coming behind me. At this point, I could only hope I'd make it back in time to help. I ran through the mostly empty house. Practically everyone was outside now, which only made it harder for me to get close enough to see what was going on.

I could feel a growing knot in my stomach. Maybe it was some intuition that whatever happened in the next few moments was not going to be good. I undid Ben's tie while I forced my way through. I'd already learned once the hard way.

Part of me couldn't believe that I was even considering this. I'd burned my bridge with Jake. I'd clearly lost something I never had with Edward. Now I was completely alone, walking into what was sure to be a painful brawl with guys I knew, from experience, had no qualms about hitting a girl.

The other part, that small and crazy part of me, knew that I'd do anything to protect my friends, to hell with the rest of it. I took a deep breath, wrapping the tie around my right fist. All I could feel was my heart hammering in my chest, thrumming against my skull, as I finally got close enough to see what was going on.


End file.
